Monday, August 27, 2012


Sometimes, being a grown up is pretty awesome.  I get to be married to my best friend, live in a house that I love and generally do some of the fun stuff that I have always wanted to do.  That is all pretty great.

Other days it hits me that when you are a grown up, you regularly have to do stuff that you don't want to do.  I love checking things off a list.  I use a program called Evernote (an app for my phone and computer) that lets me make lists and check them off for all kinds of things in my life.  What I am realizing, however, is that things creep back onto lists and have to be re-done.

As life moves on, I am constantly having to go back and re-do stuff.  I wish I could do something once and never think of it again, but that is not the nature of things.  I decorate and clean my children's rooms and things get broken and dirty and just plain crazy.  Lily's top bunk currently looks like this.


Not exactly what I had in mind.  I used to dream of that perfect day in the far off future when I would have done everything on my list, and then I could enjoy my leisure time in complete peace of mind, knowing that I was not avoiding something responsible that I should be doing.  Accepting that that day will never come and is a giant pipe dream is a hard pill to swallow.

Kiddos exacerbate the issue.  They grow out of clothing every other season, which means their closets need to be rotated.  They grow out of toys and into new ones.  They color on my duvet cover with a highlighter (maybe that's just my kids.)


As I have been lamenting these things to myself, it has occurred to me that this is the nature of the most important things in my life as well.  I cannot put my marriage on auto-pilot and think that I can cross loving my husband off the list.  That is something I must continually put energy, effort and time towards.  Circumstances and situations are constantly in flux, but I must make the choice to put John before myself regularly - and just like cleaning and fixing stuff, this does not come naturally to me.

Most importantly, I cannot check God off my daily, weekly or monthly list.  My heart does not stay right or clean for any amount of time, and I must repent often and thoroughly.  I must seek the Lord's wisdom constantly.  Whatever wisdom I might have had for yesterday or last week will not suffice for today.  It needs to be fresh, and I need to learn how to do this better.

I read recently that any desire we have for the Lord is him moving in us.  I am thankful that even when my desire is weak, I know that it is there, and even that is God stirring in my heart and meeting me where I am - which is often many steps behind where I wish I was.

Thankfully, I serve a God who promises new mercies every morning and relishes the mundane repetitiveness of life as a way to show himself faithful in things both big and little.  And, he's good to fix my stuff when I get it messed up, again.


Mom Spenst said...

Oh Carol, I don't know of anyone who is honest with themselves that wouldn't be able to identify with your honesty and agree with you. We so need the Lord to enable us to die to ourselves daily.