Monday, November 26, 2012

BRAIN FOG

I suppose it is the hangover from an indulgent holiday.

It might be trying to wrap my mind around what we Do and Do Not Need this Christmas season.

Maybe it's the late fall rain that makes even more of the trees shed their leaves.  As the leaves blow across the street, I find myself afraid it's a squirrel that I am about to squish with my tire.  Squirrels in my neighborhood seem to have a death wish.

It could be that it's Cyber Monday, and I wanted to shop online all day, but couldn't think of anything that I should buy.  (Except a new clock part.  The wall clock in our living room stopped working last week.  "It's 10:00 somewhere" is what we keep saying to each other.)

It is for sure brain fog.  Like I can't get my head in the game.  Like having a casserole that I needed to make before tomorrow morning sneak up on me this afternoon and prompt a strange evening grocery excursion.  I hate when casserole catches me unaware.

I think my head is stuck in the fog of hard things.  Wondering where my responsibility lies.  Stuck loving people, even though I have no idea what would help them.  Stuck thinking of things that I have no control or influence over.  I have spent much of my life shirking things unpleasant.  Trying to build an alter reality in my own life where things are happy and pretty.  Being in awe at the way that I was blessed and thinking that my life was normal.

Hard things exist, and I do not have to look hard to find them.  They surround me.

But now I can see that I have a choice.  I can let them inside.  I can bear the burdens of others.  I can be the blessing.  I can pray.  I do have responsibility.  Shielding myself from harshness does no one, least of all me, any good at all.

Right now, it's got me in a brain fog.  I can't seem to shake it, but I think that is the way it is supposed to be.  I've always been able to put it aside, but I'm beginning to see that allowing myself to feel - truly to care - for others is what God is talking about when he commands us to love our neighbors as ourselves.  We can never love too much.  We can never out-give our gracious heavenly Father.

Untitled

The fog lifted just a bit tonight when I got home and found the girls and John cuddled up watching Cinderella.  Lily joyously ran to the car and wanted to carry groceries in for me.  I realized two things.
1)  Groceries land on the floor when you have little helpers.
2)  We really like sugary cereals.  Call me crazy, but I had Lucky Charms for dinner.  Who doesn't want to eat something that claims to be "Magically Delicious"?

So that is my Money Shot this Monday.  Linking up with Flower Patch Farm Girl.

4 comments:

Kinzler Family said...

Thanks carol for your words of wisdom :) night

Chris, Sarah, Kate, and Benjamin said...

I think I'm in that same brain fog. Lots of praying right now and maybe that's the fog…so it's a good fog. Maybe I would feel like it was such an oddity if I was praying like this always.

susan@avintagefarmwife said...

Lovely post!

Flower Patch Farmgirl said...

"Shielding myself from harshness does no one, least of all me, any good at all." YUP.

Also, we like Sugar cereal, too. :)