Monday, February 04, 2013

SCARS & BRICK WALLS

This morning I met with my mentor.  Oh, how thankful I am that God led me to ask her to play this role in my life.  What a gift.  It is so nice to have someone who is a few years ahead to help me see my own blind spots and to see up close some of the ways that God works in her life.  I always have so much to learn.

Today I specifically wanted to talk about listening to God.  I wanted to hear her stories and experiences.  As she spoke and shared, I began to see some of my own stuff differently.

We all have scars.  We all have raw places - things that have happened in our lives that we may not understand or see how God was working it to our good and his glory.  I think much of the time, we go forward, simply because we have to.  Life moves on, but some questions linger.  The scars are there.

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So many things will never be understood this side of heaven.  I truly believe that.  But, the longer I walk with the Lord, the more I can see that his good does not always look like what I think it should look like.  It rarely involves my comfort or happiness, though I do believe joy comes in it.  His good involves his glory.  It involves bringing me closer to his heart.  It involves showing himself to be big and good and gracious and loving.

If that means he needs to run us into a brick wall to get us to the end of ourselves, then that is what he will do.  When I look back over my life and my own scars and brick walls, I can see his hand of protection and love through those times, though I may not understand them all.  Hind sight is much clearer than the fog of the moment  Sometimes things in the present are clear, and other times there is murk surrounding it all as we try to cling to him.  Being human is so limiting!  I see so small.

So, I am praying that I can see the greater, high-level good that God is always working that will help bring peace through some of the mess that inhabits the low-level life that I lead.  I want his glory, and I want to be surrendered to what it takes to make him known more.  Whatever that is.  Which is a scary thing to type, but I find in my heart that God is putting that desire more and more inside of me.

I'm so thankful that he works in and through my mess, and that someday, every scar and every brick wall will pale in the light of his glorious face.

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