Tuesday, May 12, 2015

MOTHER'S DAY CONFLICTIONS

In case you live under a rock and missed it, this past Sunday was Mother's Day.  The last month really has kept us running, so I was pretty tired when it dawned and mostly, I felt conflicted.  When I was a child, Mother's Day was simple.  I have an amazing Mom and celebrating her was a no-brainer.  Also, I'm sure Dad helped us with presents, and we tried to make her feel special.  It was so straight-forward.

Being a kid was easy, and being an adult holds more complexities than I ever dreamed.  Now Mother's Day feels loaded.  If you were on social media at all, I'm sure you felt it too.  There are so many beautiful tributes to mothers, and those are heartwarming to read.  There are the obligatory mother/child pictures where we talk about how thankful we are that they call us "Mommy."  Then, there are the host of posts acknowledging how hard Mother's Day can be/is on those women who wish to be mothers.  Or who have lost children.  Or who have lost their mother.  Or who have a strained relationship with their mother or children.  Basically a LOT of women.

Adoption adds another layer.  The Saturday before Mother's Day is known as "Birth Mother's Day," and while the twins are too young to understand all of that yet - there will come a day, and it will be a hard one.  I thought of their birth mother, and my heart broke for the chasm in their biological family. It is certainly a tragedy and not one that I take lightly.

Then there is the guilt that comes from not being a natural gift giver/card sender.  Also, sometimes I am just a slacker.  John and I managed no gifts or cards for our mothers who are absolutely wonderful, or for Gran Gran, who is our other mother and is also wonderful.

All of that said, I wasn't really that excited or ready for Mother's Day.  I am so very thankful to be a mother, to have a team of wonderful mothers and to be surrounded by mothers that I call dear friends.  But - I don't feel like being told to celebrate.  Or to do anything, actually.  It's a nasty little trait that I can't seem to shake.

I am starting to realize that life is meant to be lived in the middle of the conflict.  I'm glad for the turmoil inside of me, because it reminds me of those around me.  It reminds me to be thankful for the right now and the good moments that we do have.  I went to Muffins with Mom at Lily's school and teared up through the cheesy program where they sang songs like BINGO and substituted MOMMY in it.  I mean.  So cute.  I love parenting a kindergartner.



I also love these things.  So funny.


And though I am not sure what to do with these precious gifts in the long run, I do love anything with a hand print on it.  All teachers know this, and I am thankful for the effort they put into procuring them from my often unwilling children.

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On actual Mother's Day, my sweet children made me a card, unprompted by anyone.


Then, everyone but William screamed on the way to church, so I think they must have run out of their gifting juice pretty quickly.  We had a normal day.




By the end of the normal day with all of the "help" we had, I was pretty shot, and John told me to leave the house while he did bedtime.  I gladly obliged.  I did end up talking to my mother for over an hour and a half, which was a huge gift to us both.

I guess for Mother's Day I want to be thankful for my precious children who I am so blessed to be able to parent.  I want to cheer on those around me in their mothering.  I want to be thankful to the mothers that have shaped our lives, and I want to grieve with those who are still waiting and hoping or grieving.  That's a lot of different things all at once, but my heart is swelling to accommodate them all.  I think that is one of the best parts about really growing up.  My heart grows too.  Happy Mother's Day, two days ago - I hope and pray that the Lord gives you the desires of your heart.

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