Wednesday, August 24, 2016

GRASPING THE GOOD

I am regularly getting the question, "How are you doing?"  It is spoken gently and with a hint of pity, indicating that something has gone horribly wrong in my life.  I certainly know that I have acted like tragedy personified at moments, especially on the blog.  Sorry bout that.  I'm still doing a lot of processing and trying to figure out what it actually means to have about 35 more hours each week than I am used to having sans children.

I'm reorienting.  I'm re-prioritizing.  I'm praying more.  I'm working out more regularly.  I'm back to magical tidying and will have more blog posts about that soon.  I'm working more with Immerse and Walk for the Waiting.  I'm dreaming of cookies.  I'm planning travel.  I'm actually keeping up with laundry and dishes (for now 😉).  I'm reading.  I'm working to figure out my "style" both in clothing and in home decor so that when I acquire new things, it fits into an overarching plan.  I'm thinking about what I want our family priorities to be now that our time together has shifted so dramatically.

Basically, the days FLY by, and I am always surprised to find that it is almost 3:05 when my darlings traipse in from the bus and ask for snacks before we load up to get the twins.  I'm not bored for a moment, and so far, I haven't been lonely.  I'm trying to get a good mix of people and by myself time, and for the most part, it feels pretty balanced, especially after the extreme season of summer and its intensity.

I'm looking for the good and working towards gratitude.  The good is glimmering at me through the mundane moments, as is often the case.  The good glimmers when the twins are genuinely excited about school and asking to go back tomorrow.  I see it as the girls thrive in their new classes.  I find it in the sweet goodbyes that the girls say to the twins as they exit the car in the school drop-off line.

Each girl to each twin: "How much does Lily/Bella love you?"
Twin: "This much!"
Each girl to each twin: "When am I ever going to stop?"
Twin: "Never!"
Each girl to each twin: "Who loves you the most?"
Twin: "Jesus!"

These are questions that John has asked both Lily and Bella every night for the last several years.  As William and Violet have gotten more communicative, he has started asking them as well.  Never did we dream that L & B would start asking the twins, and I must say, I tear up every time I hear it.  So much truth.  So much goodness.  So much of what really matters.

Though our time together is not as much as it has been in the past, we are still the parents and still have a lot of sweet time with them.  (We also still have plenty of hard time - let the record show.)  We are doing what God has asked of us this year, and it is really good.

I found lots of good glimmering at me on Monday night when I caught this scene. 😍😍😍😍😍

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We then went to the twins' room where we prayed together as a family, and each child prayed out loud.  It is hilarious and precious and sometimes takes longer than we want it to (if we are being honest), but it has become a treasured time where we get insights into their little hearts and get to see them come to know more of who the Lord is through prayer.  Watching the seeds of their relationships with God grow into something more has got to be one of the biggest blessings of parenthood.

I'm basically being swallowed up whole by all of the good around me.  I don't want to ever lose sight of that in the midst of grieving the loss of my "full-time stay-at-home with my kiddos" mommy status.  Instead of sinking into sadness, I'm looking to grasp the good and hold onto it and turn it into gratitude for the life that I have.  By God's grace.

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