Tuesday, March 28, 2017


I've written about this before, but I seem to always feel things deeply in the spring.  So many of the hardest and best things in my life have come in the spring, and my whole being seems to remember that, even when I don't always consciously acknowledge it.  As the flowers bloom and weather turns moody, I find myself extra sad or glad for indiscernible reasons.  I'm a delight to be around, as you might imagine, especially when I don't understand why I'm having bonus feels.


Today has taken me on an extra emotional journey - one that is not yet over.  It's not my story to share, but I am connected and heavily invested in it.  I have hit my knees both literally and figuratively in prayer today.  There has been great rejoicing, and we have many reasons to hope for a miraculous outcome.

As I hope and pray, I've been going over God's incredible faithfulness in my heart and mind.  He is SO good and SO faithful - even when things do not turn out how we wish or hope they would.  Just this evening, I reread through my blog posts from this exact time four years ago.  Our adoption of the twins held far more questions than answers, and we walked a perilous tight rope of expectations and trusting God while also trying to keep up a tiny guard against the pain that could have come.

What I didn't realize at the time is that the pain would come no matter what.  There is no guarding yourself or avoiding it.  The pain is part and parcel and central to the experience.  It is entwined with the parenting and the joys and the love and the beauty.  In the end, the beauty is deeper, richer and truer because of the pain.  Isn't that always true in fairytales?  It has to get dark before the magic can make it lovely.

And come what may - God is faithful.  He has proven himself time and again in my life, and I can trust in him.  He is far more real than the magic in fairytales.  He wants me to lean on him.  He wants prayer to be my only resort.  He wants to remind me how little control I have and how much everything is always in his hands no matter what.

Today, this oft-quoted passage rings more true than ever.

Philippians 4:4-7 (NIV)
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
We can and should be rejoicing. The Lord is near, and I am thankful, and God's peace does transcend all understanding - it will be my guard as we all walk forward.  Praying and hoping for God's best.