BEACH FUN PART ONE

We made it all the way to Oak Island, North Carolina, which is where we spent most of beach time.  It's been YEARS since we've taken the girls to a beach, and the twins had never been, so it was sweet to hop out of the car and run into the waves!  (post about the car travel - here!)

We did a VRBO which turned out to be beautiful, but also farther from actual beach access than I imagined when I booked it.  But, it did have this gorgeous view.  We brought the cute kids.

It was so fun to reunite with the cousins on John's side (they live in North Carolina) as we all settled in for some beachy fun!  The weather forecast looked extremely dicey - as in, there were thunderstorms on the docket for every day.  So, we grabbed the first spare moment we had to get to the beach, not knowing how much time we would have there.

And, our kids LOVED it.  They loved the sand.  They loved the waves (mostly).  They loved the freedom to just run and be.  I finally saw the wisdom of a beach trip, especially with kids the ages of ours.

We maxed out that first night, which turned out to be a good thing, because we had crazy storms through the night and into the next morning.

But, the clouds eventually cleared, and we emerged to go back to the beach!

We had far more sun than I had dared to hope for or fully sunscreen for. 😳  We came home spottily sunburned, tired but happy.  For dinner, we drove out to Southport and hit up the highly recommended spot, Provision Company.  You can walk in and get your drinks right away, all on the honor system, and the floating docks kept us mostly entertained during the wait.  The sky also showed off, which certainly didn't hurt anything.

The food was delicious, and it was a gorgeous spot to eat!  All in all, it was a great start to what turned out to be a great trip - more to come!

ROAD TRIPPIN'

Road trips.

Upon first blush for me, those words conjure up some magical adventure traversing the country with delicious snacks and fun stops along the way where we all sing along to our favorite songs and have a grand old time.  I probably paint this picture because I am naturally an optimist with a hazy view of my own childhood and no thought to what it actually feels like as a parent.

Road trip reality for our family bears little resemblance to what is described above.  Truthfully, 3 out of 4 of our children are pretty good little travelers, but it only takes one to make the whole thing a lot more painful.  So, when John and I woke up on departure morning of our 14+ hour road trip both exhausted and John battling bronchitis, we realized we needed to change our plans to make this road trip work for our real life family.

We stretched out our journey both on the way there and on the way back and strategically didn't drive longer than 6 hours on any one day.  We also figured in extra stops and activities along the way to get us out of the car and remembering why we like each other.  North Carolina (where John's sister and the beach live) is FAR from AR.  It felt like a win at 5:45 a.m. when we were dragged from our Saturday morning slumber by an asthmatic child (that part didn't feel like winning, but it forced our hand) to totally re-make the travel.  We canceled some stuff.  We added more stops.  Overall, it felt like we finally figured out what we need to make something like this work for our family and be less pressure and less stress.

And, I can say that we returned home about as well rested as possible given what we did, and though re-entry is always hard (especially with school starting), it feels good to FINALLY be doing what we need to do for everyone's overall health.  Basically, our family's health requires more time, less stuff and more flexibility than I wish it did.  But, we are doing what we have to do, which looks different than other families but only has to work for us.

So - here's what the road trip portion of our trip looked like for there and back.  We stopped in Memphis to wander around the giant Bass Pro Shop.

Our first overnight stop took us to Nashville where we enjoyed a delicious dinner at Burger Up and a gorgeous walk around town.

We stopped in Chattanooga and hit up Lookout Mountain to walk around a bit.

We had actually planned on being in Atlanta on the first night and had more planned there, but instead, we only made it there in time to get to part of the Braves/Dodger's game we had tickets for.




Hotel breakfasts became a quick favorite of all the kids.



We stayed in Augusta, GA before heading on to the beach, and on the way home, we had initially planned on making it in two days, but again, we realized that wisdom was guiding us to make that longer, and so we stretched it again.  We spent one night in Asheville, where we enjoyed the stunning surroundings, a street festival, dinner at White Duck Taco and dessert at the French Broad Chocolate Lounge.

We were reminded why CFA really is the best quick service restaurant on our way to spend our last night in Jackson, TN, which is only 3 hours from home, but we could not drive 3 more hours that day.  So we enjoyed the hotel pool and Honey I Shrunk the Kids on TV.

Were there still hard moments?  SO many.  But, on the whole, we were pleasantly surprised at how well the travel went, all things considered.  It really was mostly good, most of the time, which is certainly not something that can be said for past road trips.  So, though it took us a lot longer than we wished, I am SO glad we course corrected and hopeful that we can keep on learning all the ways that we need to course correct to not be crazy people.  (And we loved the beach - more on that to come!)

ANOTHER STEP & THEY JUST KEEP COMING

My babies are five and headed to kindergarten in a few short weeks.  Truthfully, I've given very little brain space to this, and it feels anti-climatic, because they have been in full time school for two years.  Also, I did the IEP meetings for them months ago and now barely remember anything that will be happening.  I'm sure it will all work out. 😬😱

I totally freaked out two years ago when Bella, William and Violet all headed to school the same year.  And two years before that when Lily started kindergarten, I legit cried uncontrollably through the "Boo-Hoo Breakfast."  Even as I looked through those blog posts, the feelings came rushing back and I wondered if there might be more going on underneath my calm facade.  I'm regularly out of touch with what's really going on inside of me until I take a second to calm down.  Usually, I am busy planning the next fun thing or interacting with the person directly in front of me - most often, my children.

A couple of months ago, I read Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng, which was excellent.  One passage of her beautiful prose reached out to grab me, "To a parent, your child wasn't just a person: your child was a place, a kind of Narnia, a vast eternal place where the present you were living and the past you remembered and the future you longed for all existed at once. You could see it every time you looked at her: layered in her face was the baby she'd been and the child she'd become and the adult she would grow up to be, and you saw them all simultaneously, like a 3-D image.  It made your head spin.  It was a place you could take refuge, if you knew how to get in.  And each time you left it, each time your child passed out of your sight, you feared you might never be able to return to that place again."

This idea has lodged itself with me, and I consider it sometimes when I look at my children.  I can see so much when I take the time and space to look.  I see the babies they each were, beautiful in their own ways and unique in the journeys that brought them to me.  With my bio children, I am still shocked that they grew inside of me - that their lives would never have happened without my choices.  With my adopted children, I am still shocked that they grew outside of me, because a world where our lives did not collide feels unimaginable.  I see the long nights and fussy days and first solid foods and wobbly steps.  Babyhood feels like yesterday and forever ago.

I can see the children that stand before me.  The hazel eyes, the blue eyes and the sets of brown eyes that look into mine.  They find me in laughter, in fear, in pain, in irritation, in boredom and in joy.  Our connections feel bound by tiny cords that make up ropes that can pull taut with tension but never break under the weight.  There is a daily tug of war - we are pushing towards the end goal of independence while also knowing these precious years and moments are fleeting and cherished.

Sometimes, every so often, I see glimpses of the future.  It's cloudy and tends toward murky at best, because sometimes, fear comes for me.  The variables outside of my control that take no account of my desires add up as each day passes.  I see greatness in each child and their possible adult selves.  I hope for the very best.  I grieve the future heartache that I will not be able to staunch with a cuddle on the couch.

Each of my children have shining gifts and talents, and I hope and pray that God molds them all to his purposes and equips them to shine in their own ways as he sees fit.  This is the portion of the seeing that feels equally devastating and invigorating - God is writing their stories, not me.  And though I trust him as the author and know the ultimate ending, I understand that there are often hard chapters sprinkled into every book.  Mine is littered with them.

For right now, I want to be here, in this space, with these children that the Lord has somehow put into my charge.  It's beautiful and complex and riddled with potholes, but it's our road together.  As we walk, I want to remind myself to take it in, take one step at a time and always being glad when we are holding hands and in step with one another.