Monday, May 02, 2011


      Eight years ago today, my father went home to be with Jesus.  He lost the fight with pancreatic cancer that he had been fighting for two years, and it was a crushing moment to realize that he was physically gone from my little world forever.  He was absolutely the best dad imaginable, and I am eternally grateful to have had a father that made loving my heavenly father that much easier for the example that he was.  He was kind and funny, but more importantly, godly, and I still have people come up to me and comment on what an impact he made in their life by who he was.  He loved my mother more than anyone in the world, and their marriage painted a beautiful picture for me of how to put one another first and raise a family to honor the Lord.
      It was the week before I graduated from college.  I guess it is an understatement to say that my life was changed forever.  I now understand that God does not work the way that we sometimes may want him to, but that does not make him any less good.  He is loving and gracious always, though we may not be able to fathom the "whys" of the ways he works.  I am infinitely more compassionate after having suffered grief of my own - a quality that will serve me well in a world that is hard and full of hurts.
      John was actually there at the house with my family, even though we weren't "officially" dating yet.  Having John walk that long and painful road with me helped me know that he was the man I should marry.  He was just so gracious and wonderful to have around - still is for that matter.  I am so thankful that he was able to meet my father, since he is the only spouse in our family who had that privilege.
      Though the pain of the loss has decreased significantly in the intermittent eight years, I will always miss my dad.  I miss him in all the important moments - marriage, having children, getting jobs and houses.  But, I also miss just being able to call him and get his wisdom in my life.  And, he would have loved being a grandfather to my sweet girls.  I mean LOVED it.  It is hard to lose all that love - it just leaves a void.
      But, what I can say, is that God has been gracious to fill in the gaps.  He has provided in amazing ways for things that each of us has needed.  This upcoming month we get to celebrate my mother's marriage to a new, wonderful man - what a blessing.  And, God has brought each of us kids a spouse that loves the Lord and people in our lives that are wise and loving.  For that I am sincerely thankful and humbled.  And, I so look forward to the day when we are reunited with him in eternity in the place where there are no more tears.  What a hope we have in Jesus.

miss you, dad.


Mom and Dad Spenst said...

Carol, we are deeply sorry for that loss and will pray extra grace for you today. We are also deeply grateful for the impact your dad obviously had on your life through the beautiful woman of God you have become. We love you,

Kristin Murdock said...

I totally teared up reading this. In my 6 months in Little Rock I have heard great stories about your Dad - what a great and eternal influence he had on this earth. Thanks for sharing.

Mom said...

Well said- Love, Mom

Rachel J. said...

He was one of the best dads I ever knew too- even though he wasn't my own. Have notes in my bible of things that your parents taught me. Your family will always be an amazing example of strength to me.

I remember how strong and brave you were to speak at his funeral, not of the pain of loss, but celebrating his legacy. He would be so proud of his family.