Thursday, December 01, 2011

Interrupting the Scheduled Programming

      Today I had planned to blog about the rest of the Christmas decorations, which are mostly complete.  However, Lily has had other plans for my day.  What is it about being two years old that makes life so incredibly challenging?  I think that is probably one of the great questions in life.  Lily is currently wailing from a corner in our house.  (Side note: all of her usual corners are literally tear-stained.)  She has been there for the better part of two and a half hours so far.  Her room looks like this right now, and, per usual ritual, I have asked her to pick it up.
      It is not happening.  I feel like I have tried everything I can do without hurting her.  And, she is playing extreme mind games with me.  And, if I am really honest, I feel like hurting her.  Usually I feel up to the challenge, but today, I feel like she is winning.  I even called John out of desperation, because I needed just to bounce words off of someone who would not scream "no" at me.
      I don't want to sound whiny, which may be unavoidable.  Thankfully, Bella has been really sweet today, especially in light of the fact that she face planted last night on the wood floors and had a really bloody mouth.  It seems all better now, but that is never fun.  Speaking of blood, in the midst of Lily screaming from the corner this afternoon, she has also managed to pull off about half of her large toe nail, resulting in a lot of blood.  On the bright side, there were no vampires around, and I was able to get a bandaid to patch her up, but still - really?  Was that necessary?
      I think people sometimes get the wrong impression from this here little blog that I have things together.  We are interrupting the regularly scheduled programming to shout from the roof tops that that is not the case.  I do not know what to do with my child, which makes me feel like a failure.  And, I was a little irritated with God when he did not answer my prayer immediately and make her stop screaming.  Though, I know he doesn't work like that.
      I am seeing, slowly but surely, that God is more interested in the long-haul.  He is interested in my heart, just as well as hers.  Why is working on our hearts so hard?  It seems that is just the way of things. So, this post is uglier than I was planning on, but it is real.  It is where we really are.  And - John just got home - what a great man to the rescue!  Though we may have a long night ahead of us, I am glad to be facing it with him.


Lora said...

I had this day yesterday- with my 6 month old. I am continually blown away by the intensity of her fight. I'd babysat growing up and nannied through college and thought I had an idea of what life with a baby would be like. Nothing has prepared me for the screaming, squealing, throwing her body away from me, punching her tiny fists and dirty looks my sweet baby gives me when she fights sleep, I take something away, or put her where she does not think she should be. She does not act like that with her daddy though... makes me feel great. This parenting journey has been surprisingly humbling. Thanks for the honesty -it's nice to find in blogland!

Linds said...

story. of. my. life.

yesterday was particularly hard in fact. So sorry. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in all the terrible things Brayden does that I forget that they call this phase "terrible twos" for a reason. :)

joshandrosachristians said...

Thanks for sharing, Carol! I can TOTALLY relate! I have to remind myself that Jesus must love me extra on days like these (just kidding/sort of) because He is working something so deep and refining in me that there must have to be a lot of fire to go a long with it. Hang in there, friend! You're definitely not alone. You have no idea how many times I've prayed, "Lord show me how to be his parent. I don't know how any more, and I'm losing my mind." Then there are those angelic moments where I feel like time has stopped and I get a glimpse of heaven through my little ones. Oh man! :) What a crazy, fast, exhausting, and yet still wonderful time of life. I love how real you are. Take care!
PS. I was so exhausted today from my first born, strong-willed one that I almost took a dramatic picture of my bewildered self, laying on the bed, with Dr. Dobson's The Strong Willed Child book in my hands. :) ...Perhaps another day.

Joeylee said...

I can totally relate. This sounds like my two year most days. All I think is I hope my youngest doesn't act like this. I always enjoy when daddy walks in the door from work to help me out too.
Hoping tomorrow is better for you!

Lindsay K said...

Hang in there friend! After 4 spankings and getting his mouth washed out with soap, we finally got Will in bed! And that was just for the last hour and a half of the day! You are not alone, even though it always seems that way when you are in the middle of it. You are an amazing mother! I constantly stand amazed at you! God has given you grace and patience in dealing with your kiddos. Just keep doing what you are doing, your kids are great!

Tales from Goshen said...

Hello. You're in good company, my friend. It's a good day when I haven't hurt MYSELF at the end. I so feel your pain. Hang in there.