Last Monday, this sweet girl and I headed to the child psychologists office.
(The backstory can be read in this post and this post.) We stepped into the office, which had tons of fun toys that immediately grabbed Lily's attention. The psychologist started interviewing me about where we were with potty training, Lily's general disposition and what I felt like we needed help with. At first, she was a bit confused about why we had been referred to her, since Lily is only 3.5. She said that usually she wouldn't be seeing a child until they were 4 for this issue.
After talking for a while, she told me she understood why her friend/our pediatrician would refer us to her. Lily has some unusual tendencies and has manifested an extremely strong will, and I have tried everything that anyone has told us to try or that Google could possibly recommend. And now I am dealing with a motivation issue. And a control issue.
She kindly told me that I was doing a great job with Lily, which is probably why there was no official diagnosis to give (like oppositional defiant or some other fun like that). That encouragement was really wonderful to have. And, because there is no diagnosis, she told me that we should not come back until after Lily is 4 years old, because insurance wouldn't cover it. I appreciated her looking out for us on that front.
After about 45 minutes of talking, she gave me some more options to try, which is what I needed. I needed someone to brainstorm with who has seen unusual stuff. She said that I will eventually need to just take away the diapers, most likely. However, until we are ready for that, she told me that I need to make it cost Lily to continue wearing the diapers. So, for right now, Lily is changing her own diapers. I told her she is a big girl, and if she won't wear panties, then she needs to be in charge of changing diapers and throwing them away. (I help a little with the dirty ones.)
She hated it at first, which was the point, but, unfortunately, she is adjusting pretty well. She also tries to help with changing Bella's diapers. The psychologist recommended maybe having her do chores to earn the money to keep buying diapers, so I may have to come up with a system for that next. I am trying to convince Lily that wearing diapers is not for her, because I can see that until she decides she is ready to be potty trained, we are nowhere with it.
And that's that. The sad thing that I learned, which I suspected all along, because this is true of most things in life, is that there is no "magic bullet." This is going to be a long process. And no one is going to do it for me, least of all, Lily. I have realized over and over that God gave me Lily and her battles, because if I had had a compliant child, I would have been in danger of thinking myself a great parent. I am, unfortunately, wired like that. However, with Lily, I am able to see all of my short-comings quite clearly, and I know that any good that comes is through perseverance, hard work and a lot of prayer and most of all, God's grace. I am so thankful for that grace.
Now, if only I could figure out how to get Bella to stop biting.
(And though we will not be heading back to the psychologist any time soon, she gave me her email and phone number and asked for me to please keep her posted, because she is very interested and curious about how all of this goes. Me too.)