Friday, September 21, 2012


Right now, we are in the waiting phase of our adoption.  Historically, as in, for my entire life, waiting has not been my strong suit.  Let me give you some examples from this week where I have waited less than patiently.

I am standing in line at Hobby Lobby.  I am in a hurry, because I am always in a hurry, which is my own perpetual problem, and I need to go pick up my girls.  The lady in front of me is writing a check, and I am thinking, "What planet do we live on?  Does anyone write checks at stores anymore?  Why does Hobby Lobby even accept checks?  This is taking forever.  Does she really have to give over every single piece of personal information to be hand-written by the cashier while I am waiting behind her, just needing to buy one roll of tulle?"  Then, a manager comes over and starts pulling cash out of the drawer, while I wait, impatiently.  I try to keep from glaring at them all, because really, it did not take that long.

Next day, I am standing in line at Sam's.  Still in a hurry, always.  Just needing to pick up one thing.  Since Sam's is a buy in bulk kind of place, people are often doing just that and have their carts piled to the heavens.  I think psycho thoughts like, "Doesn't anyone see that I just have one item?  Why are they not letting me go in front of them?  I am so fast - why can't other people at least load their stuff onto the belt more quickly?"

So, as people have recently asked me how I feel about the waiting right now, I have been surprised to say that I feel fine.  Let's keep in mind that we have not been waiting long at all.  I totally get that.  We are at the very beginning of what we are expecting to be a long process.  I know there will be times in the waiting where I will get discouraged or frustrated, but right now, I have the privilege of just being hopeful and expectant, knowing that our lives will be forever changed through this process and looking forward to what God brings.

There are hard things in the unknowns.  How long will we wait?  With pregnancy, you get a pretty stereotypical time-line, and with adoption, it is all over the board.  What children will we get?  We have given some parameters and have some built in with how young Bella is, but there will be several mysteries until we get our actual referral.  What should we do in the meantime?  Now that we are done with all of the paperwork, I am trying to use my time and energy well.  It has been exciting to be planning a banquet, and even just today, I had the fun of talking with another mom who is interested in Ethiopian adoption.  It is a joy to be encouraging in this way.  And, we can pray.  Pray for our boys.  Pray for their birth family.  Pray for God to prepare us all for one another.

Our dossier is done, and right now, we are waiting for it to land in Ethiopia after it gets shipped around and authenticated in the US.  We are hoping that it will arrive sometime in September, because at the beginning of each month, our agency gives out a number of where we are on the waiting list.  Just a couple of weeks ago, I discovered that there is a Facebook page for people with our agency that many have joined, and people share their wait list numbers each month, as well as what they are waiting for, so you have an idea of who is really in front of you.  This has been a fascinating and great group to be apart of, because I can follow along with the journeys of other people who are walking in front of us.  It has given me more respect for our agency, and I have a greater understanding of what the process will be when we finally go to get our children.

The other reality that I am facing right now is that the girls are at exhausting ages, especially combined. Last night I felt wrung out just from parenting them, and I know (or at least, I hope) it will not always feel exactly like this. I know that adding two more children is what God has for us, and that the girls will grow out of some of the issues we face right now.  But I know that as we wait in this adoption process, I am waiting and hoping for more of God's grace as I parent.  I need it.  I need to know how to better lean into him with my children, because it does not come naturally to me.  I need to be wrung out and brought to my end where I see God more clearly, and my need for him is inescapable.

So we are waiting.  We talk about our brothers a lot.  Where they will sleep.  How we will go and get them and bring them home on an airplane.  Lily is just starting to ask questions about why they will not have their own mommy and daddy, and I am getting to explain that we will be that for them.  She doesn't understand yet, but she is starting to ask the right questions.


Waiting and hoping for brothers.


Mom Spenst said...

Sweet Carol, always remember that God gives us the grace and strength as we need it-not in advance. So when you need what you need for 2 more children your Father will provide it. He never runs out-thank goodness. Give us this day our daily "bread".