But, in the midst of that, I had allowed myself to go to a slightly different place. The place of feeling a little sorry for myself. Sorry that we don't have family in town to help. Sorry that loading and unloading all the kids in the car takes so long. Sorry that I sleep in 2.5 hour increments. Sorry that I have to make choices about whether to paint my nails or feed my children, and feeding the children almost always wins.
It is amazing how quickly the luster of all God has done for us can wear off in the monotony of the daily grind. Whenever I read about the Israelites, I am continually amazed at how much they whine right after God brought them out of slavery in Egypt in such miraculous fashion as parting the Red Sea. Our babies are almost a miraculous as the Red Sea having a path right through it, and my mind can still get lost in the shuffle of It's Time to Feed, There are Dirty Diapers Everywhere, and Everybody is Crying.
And so, I have to reorient my mind again. I have to ask the Lord for his help to see life his way and not to focus on myself, which is my default mode. I have to look for things to be thankful for, which are always always always all around me. God's graciousness is all around me all the time. When I think of the things that I could be facing, it makes what I am facing seem quite simple. This is for a season - not an eternity.
Instead of being sorry that we have no family in town, I can be grateful that we have the resources to pay for babysitters when we need to. Instead of being sorry that loading up the kids takes a long time, I can be grateful for the nice vehicle that I get to put them in and the fact that I can actually do it myself. Instead of being sorry about the lack of sleep, I can be so grateful that our babies are healthy and wanting to eat and gaining weight. Instead of being sad about my raggedy nails, I can ask John to hold the babies so that I can paint them again. There is always a flip side, and I hope that God continues to help me see it.
One great blessing in this journey is our new Gran-Gran. The twins' grandmother has visited us several times, and the girls are growing to love her just as we are. We are creating an unusual, unique and God-orchestrated family over here, and it is really exciting!