Monday, December 16, 2013


I almost titled this post "DROWNING," but I decided that sounded a teeny, teeny, teeny bit on the dramatic side.  We are not actually drowning around here.  We are doggie paddling a good bit of the time.  Right before we brought home the twins, I used the analogy of "getting ready to jump" for bringing them home.  I was spot on with that, because it does now feel as though we are treading water.

The twins have gone backwards in the past couple of weeks as far as sleep goes, which means John and I have slept terribly.  This colors all of life with a tinge of gray, unfortunately.  And it's crazy, because I keep hoping and praying for them to sleep better.  For no one to have stuffy noses or fever or a seemingly empty bottomless-pit tummy.  I think that God is taking the long view of those prayers, because though I keep holding out for night-time miracles, I also keep walking across the dark house in the middle of the night.

Today, after a morning full of tears, I headed to the dentist office with all four kiddos in tow.  I wasn't excited about it, but I honestly didn't think it would be that bad.  We go to a pediatric dentist, and they are usually pretty quick, and there are lots of entertainments to be had for the big girls.  Right when I walked in, I knew we were going to be there a while.  In retrospect, I should have asked for a different appointment time and walked out.  We were in the waiting room for over an over.

Oh, and it was in the middle of lunch time.  Because I am a genius life scheduler apparently.

After two poopy diapers, some fussing, and a horrible adoption related comment from a stranger (more on that in another post), we finally got let into the back, where Lily calmly submitted to having her teeth cleaned.  Bella did not calmly submit.  (Does she ever?)  There were a lot of tears, and teeth gnashing instead of teeth cleaning.  When it seemed to be taking forever for them to find the dentist for the final exam, I confessed to the hygienists that I might start crying.  You could tell they felt terrible and were incredibly apologetic.


I write all of this to record this particular time of life.  It is hard these days, and though I honestly don't believe that I will one far off day put on rose-colored glasses about the twins' first year of life, it will be nice to have a few of the details for posterity.  We hit up Panera yesterday to keep us out of our clean, CFA Christmas party ready house.  We ran into a family that had four boys - one that turned four in Oct., one that was two, and five-month old twins.  They talked with us on their way out, and we commiserated a bit about how "crazy" life is right now.  As they walked away, John and I both agreed that they won.  Their's are younger and closer and probably even more energetic than ours.

It was a good reminder that there are much harder things that people do in life all the time.  Though I feel I can barely keep my head above water, I can look around and see so many things to be grateful for.  God has provided for us far beyond what I could ask or imagine.  We have the resources to pay to have the house cleaned.  My SIL graciously helps with laundry, dishes and kid-care.  We have good friends.  John has a great (though sometimes stressful) job.  I have so many things that I enjoy and often get a chance to do a little of.  Really, I am super spoiled.

I guess getting two good sleepers again would be asking too much on top of everything else.  So, until that night-time miracle comes, I will rest in the fact that God knows what is best for us, even if it will stretch us to breaking points.  We need those points to see him more clearly and to gain more compassion for the world around us.  And we will keep on paddling.  I know God will not let us drown.


Ashley said...

Boy, sister. Do I ever feel what you're saying. Life is nuts right now. I will say that my issues aren't sleep related. Just juggling balls. And meal prep. Good LORD, the meal prep. I feel like my kids, too, are bottom-less pits. I am so there with you right now, Carol. Just know, you are not alone. I'm dog paddling right beside you.

Jody Hefner said...

Carol, I love your analogy of doggie paddling :) So appropriate. I often feel I am doggie paddling through these days. it's just crazy I think. And humbling. Any mom who survives this stuff knows that super mom does not exist, it's all about survival I think. :) Thank you for such a great post.

Kelcie Huffstickler said...

A+ for honesty. This is what I would expect from you, a mom to four littles. If you were painting a rosy picture all the time, I'd have my doubts...