30 HUMILIATING MINUTES OF PARENTING

Monday afternoon brought one of my worst parenting experiences to date.  We were at gymnastics.  Why horrible things seem to happen at gymnastics is beyond me, but that appears to be our way.  Apparently, making a scene is a family rite of some kind, and gymnastics has a room full of watching people ready to be treated to a tableau.

The lead up to gymnastics had been pretty bad and involved some verbal scuffling and maybe some threats.  But my sweet gymnast bounded into class in normal enough fashion.  Things began to unravel when one of the coaches came out and asked if I was Bella's mom.  She explained that Bella didn't want to do something and was crying against the wall.

Imagine a pouty child.  The bottom lip is stuck way out.  The posture is hostile.  The snarl is just behind their teeth.  Arms are certainly crossed, and the chin may be up just a bit, as if to say, "I am above all of this and really can't be bothered with it, but I am still quite angry."  This girl nails all of it.  In fact, Bella takes pouting to places that seem comical in their sheer extreme.  I can often find room in my heart to laugh at it (when she can't see), but only when our predicament isn't so insidious.

However, we were indeed in a pickle.  I think that because of all of our weekend activity, I had a tired, irascible girl on my hands.  Reason had totally fled from the situation, and I felt I was trying to cling to her coat tails as she ran off from the gym and left us with what felt like madness.  A lot of screaming/wailing/kicking madness.

This may all sound extreme and dramatized.  I assure you.  It is not.  You can ask any of my friends that bore witness to the sights and sounds thereof.  I am not exaggerating.  It was a fit for the ages and will live forever in my mind in infamy.

The third time I carried her out of the gym as she screamed, "I want to stop crying!" while flailing and kicking the door on the way out, I started breaking down in sobs of my own.  There was no private place to let this run its course, and though I knew that just about nothing would reach her in this state, I had to at least look like I was trying for the sake of all the other parents that were around us.  Most of them shot me sympathetic looks.  But there was one dad who looked at me with a raised eyebrow and scared/skeptical expression as if he had never seen or experienced the like of what was taking place.  I wanted to hit him, but I settled for pretending he didn't exist.

After a walk outside, a little cuddling and an inward vow on my part to deal with the rest of it at home, Bella walked calmly inside, mostly pulled together and played with the other kids in the lobby while we waited for Lily's class to finish.  I was frazzled and humiliated.

I wish I didn't care what other people thought.  I wish I could pay them no notice and satisfy myself with the thought that I do know what is best for my daughter - or at least, I have the best chance of knowing, since I know her the best.  I wish that God's wisdom came in flashes of brilliance in public moments so that I could magically turn around her fit and have her march back into her class a reformed little soul.  I wish children were in the habit of trying to make their parents look good.

But, alas, it all reveals the problems in my own heart - as most hard parenting is apt to do.  I am selfish.  I want to look good.  I want it to seem like my children listen to me and have a bit of self-control.  When those things don't happen, I am unreasonably surprised and upset by it.  But, by the light of God's truth, I know that my heart is a big part of the problem too.

Bella had a long talk with daddy and an early bedtime that night, because being tired certainly helps no one.  And yesterday was a much better day.  I saw the foul attitude peek out a few times and sniff the air to see how its reception would be.  Thankfully, I managed to quell its spirit, and the day came off in a much more cheerful manner for all involved.  Some sweet friend called and asked if we would want to let the girls play on some equipment that is being used out in front of their house.  They had gotten permission and thought it would be fun, and we had a lovely evening walk.

Thanks, Bill and Mary!

We grabbed a quick bite to eat as a family, and it went really well - though our children were quite loud.  John and I smiled at each other and thanked the Lord again for the small people that he has given us.  They are precious indeed, and it is all worth it.  The work is real and hard - for they do not parent themselves - but it is work worth doing and persevering through and trying to figure out.  There is no "one-size-fits-all" approach, but, instead, each child needs their own map.  We are trying to read those maps and asking the Lord for extra wisdom, grace and love.

I need all the help I can get.

JOIN US FOR ROLLIN' ON THE RIVER (OR DONATE!)

I know I've mentioned before that William and Violet go to therapy several times a week, and we are about to increase their visits.  Most of our therapy is done at Easter Seals Arkansas, and I have been extremely pleased with their services.  The therapists have been kind, gracious and extremely knowledgable, and our visits have helped the twins immensely.  As you might imagine, the work that they do is not cheap to them, and we are taking part in one of their major fundraisers this year.  We will have a team at Rollin' on the River this August 23rd.  We'd love for you to join us!

Here's the flyer with the main deets.

If you are local, you can sign up to participate in the event here!
If you aren't local and want to donate - which we'd greatly appreciate - here's the link to our team page!

We will for sure be participating in the Family Fun walk at 8 am, and CFA will be there serving some breakfast and sampling the new coffee that comes out next week.  It's so very good.  You won't want to miss that.

I honestly believe that the work Easter Seals does is extremely valuable.  Families with kiddos that have special needs need to have allies in their work towards improvement and functionality.  Because of William and Violet's background, they very much benefit from the services that they receive, and we'd be oh so grateful if you'd join us in raising money for this organization!

WEEKEND HAPPENINGS

This weekend was cram packed full of people and activity, and mostly, it was really great.  Ellen, Luke and True came for a visit.  Luke had a wedding to shoot in Hot Springs, so he was out of pocket for much of the time, but it was great to see them and have them here.



People often tell me that they think True and Bella favor one another, and I can totally see it.  Earlier on Friday, Lily, all on her own, had sorted all the Legos by color and then built accordingly.  I am so curious to see what she will do with this sort of gifting some day.

Family in town often means cinnamon roll baking on Saturday morning.  I love the look of pre-baked cinnamon rolls.  And the taste.  I love eating the dough, and I like them baked as well.  I pretty much love everything about the cinnamon roll developmental cycle.

The Davis family left Sunday morning when we headed off to church where we stayed for two services so we could teach.  Right after church, we scurried home and changed everyone into swim suits and drove to Wild River Country.  Every year we host a day there for our CFA team, and it turned out to be a great time to see everyone and their families enjoying each other and the water park.  It was really hot, but other than that, it was good.

When we arrived, we were told that we got a cabana as a perk.  Best. Perk. Ever.  I mean, we ordered food, and they brought it to us.  They watched our stuff and gave us tubes.  They brought us water when we needed it.  I don't know how much they cost, but I feel like I may be spoiled forever.  At this stage in life with four littles, it was a true blessing in our day.  John's sister and boyfriend also joined us, which meant we had extra hands on top of our wait staff.  That helped everything go more smoothly as well.

Violet LOVED the little slide and wanted to go over and over.  We did one bigger water slide with the girls, but they didn't want to try any others  Maybe next year.




Most of our time was spent in the wave pool.  We did one loop around the "Lazy River," and I can tell you that I did not feel lazy trying to keep up with all of our peeps.  Violet looks asleep in this picture, which is quite far from the truth - I think her eyes were just closed, and William reached his wits end while floating along.  It was pitiful.

It is so hard to be 15 months old.  Both babies sacked out in the car.  We headed from there straight to a going away party for a CFA operator in our area and made it home just in time for a late bedtime.  It was a bit on the wild side.

To be honest, everything feels a bit on the wild side lately.  I think that is one of the side-effects of having young children close together.  Also, there have been a lot of developments for John at work that have meant some extra hours and definite extra pressure in the last month.  We are hopeful about what may come, but in the meantime, it has been more stressful.

I have a constant war within myself to appreciate the sweet moments that I am getting with my children and also knowing that there will come a time when it is not quite so crazy, and it will be okay to welcome that time when it comes as well.  I'm sure new craziness will dawn on the horizon, and I will have to adjust to whatever it is.  However, I think that these days have an exhaustion all their own.



But, the moments have a sweetness all their own as well, and I am thankful for the preciousness that has been entrusted to us for the time being.  So thankful.

and tired.

LATELY

Lately I've been up to a bit of this and that.  Here's a smattering of it.

Some of our friends hosted a "Framing Party" for their home.  We wrote Bible verses on the frames and prayed and had s'mores and generally stood around talking while we sweated.  It was a great evening, and I can't wait to see the way the Lord uses this home!

This is how Violet rides in the stroller everywhere we go.  She is the queen of the stroller.  Old women that we run into in public often look askance at us and tell me she is going to fall out.  I just say, "She hasn't fallen out yet!"

Having children has many unintended consequences.  One night this week, I woke up to John shaking his alarm clock and eventually throwing it across the room, which was confusing to us both.  One of the girls had set the alarm, and since he never uses it, he didn't know how to turn it off.  That's just what you need in the middle of the night.

Speaking of the middle of the night - the girls have also started migrating to our bed for the first time in their lives.  Bella started this, but Lily was quick behind her.  It was cute in the early morning, but the cuteness wore off when they showed up at 4:30 am and 2:30 am a couple of nights this week.  We made a strict rule that they couldn't crawl into our bed unless it was light outside, and so far, they have happily obliged, which has meant better sleep for us.  When the alarm isn't going off.

Lately I've made a bunch of cookies, including 8 dozen last week alone.  That was a bit much, but I did make some of my favorites ever last week.  They are just so bright and festive!  I've wanted to do bunting on cookies for just about forever, so I was glad I got the chance.  One idea that has been rolling around my head is to host a cookie decorating night - is that something that anyone out there would have any interest in?  I'm not sure when/if I can pull it off, but it sure sounds fun.




I've had several opportunities to navigate parenting issues in the past couple weeks - always, really.  Yesterday, after I had had a firm talk with Bella, she went downstairs, and I heard her saying, "Mama is a very bad girl." over and over again.  That lead to more firm talks about how we honor our parents, though I did laugh out loud when she couldn't hear me.  I also overheard Lily tell Bella, "I hate you when we are picking up."  And, to be honest, I don't blame her for the sentiment - Bella is notoriously hard to work with when picking up.  However, I did go in and try to explain that we don't use the word hate towards our sister ever and work on teaching other ways to communicate.  I feel like I am constantly teaching them how to communicate with one another, and then it hit me - somebody has to, so I am glad that it gets to be me.

One of the other things we are trying to figure out is the twins' therapy schedule for the fall.  I have made the choice not to put them into the preschool, because it is from 8-3 Mon-Fri, and I don't want to give up all that time with them.  I feel like this is my shot to build the best connection possible with them, and I am not ready to forfeit it.  Thankfully, when I explained that to the Services Coordinator, she was really understanding and said she would try to work something out for us.  I'm hoping and praying that our fall schedule is not absolutely crazy with the start of school and everything else.  We shall see.

We've also had a bit of fun.  We enjoyed the splash pad with our community group a while back.  I also went to the pool with the kiddos and several friends.  I got no pictures, because William wanted to be held pretty much the whole time.  He is certainly no fan of the water yet - he just shivers a lot.  Probably because this summer has been so mild.  So, the pool is not really our favorite place this year.  I keep reminding myself that there will be other summers.

We have several visits from people to look forward to in the next couple of weeks, and now I need to go finish picking up the house for family that is currently in route.  Looking forward to some cousin time!  Hope your have a joyful weekend in your future!

TWINS ARE 15 MONTHS OLD

I thought it would be fun to give periodic updates with pictures of the twins.  Then I tried to take pictures of them.  It was a bit disastrous.  I decided to go ahead with the update, because it is a pretty telling look of reality these days.  Granted - I decided to take these pictures when William was already a little cranky, which was my bad.  There are other times when both babies might have been perfectly compliant.  But, they still would have been two 15 month old babies, which means they are squirmy and have opinions about just about everything.

This is what the babies were doing when I decided to grab the camera.  Just chill in'.



Also, they have the look of "Mom - are you serious?  Do you really think taking our picture is a good idea?  We can assure you that it is not."

I was able to catch this sweeter pic with a bit of luck and fake sneezing.  Gets them every time.

Until it doesn't.

I have long thought that the months between 1 and 2 are quite challenging.  They have opinions and want to be active, but they do not understand boundaries at all.  There are a lot of fun moments as well, because they are starting to comprehend what we say and want to be a part of things.  As with anything - there are a lot of pros and cons.

Miss Violet is incredibly active and very close to walking.  She has four teeth, all of which were hard whined for.  She loves playing "Where's Violet?" and covers her eyes regularly.  She also just learned how to wave, which is pretty precious.  She is fairly obsessed with our cats, and we are pretty sure that her first word is "Kitty."  Her crawling is incredibly proficient, and she tries to climb out of any and all contraptions that she is placed in.  Buckles have got nothing on this girl.  She's also a bit of a cuddle bug and snuggles against your shoulder whenever you pick her up.  Just don't set her back down, because as quick as a wit, she will lay her head down on the floor and wail pathetically.  Her drooling is also note-worthy and legendary.  There a literal puddles of it around our home.

Mr. William is still our most chill child as of yet.  He is usually about a week/two weeks behind Violet in most skills.  He is crawling very well now and is still so pleased about it.  He also loves Peek-a-Boo, and more often than not, he covers his mouth instead of his eyes.  So funny.  He has only two teeth, but I am sure that more are on their way.  He loves to fall backwards in your arms and laugh, and he would play this game just about forever.  He is a bit more vocal than Violet, and it certainly seems that he is saying "Da Da Da" to John.  We'll see.  He still loves jumping and gets a great kick out of his bouncer.  This boy can eat.  If it is food that he likes, he can just keep eating at a rather alarming rate.  He is starting to be able to take steps with someone holding his hands, so I imagine that walking will come before too incredibly long.

Both babies qualified for speech therapy, so this fall will bring quite a bit of therapy for both babies.  But, it is so fun to see them make so much progress, and I would rather do all the therapy that we can now, while they are little, to give them a good start.  I'm so thankful for all of their therapists who truly love them and want to see them succeed.

The big girls wanted pictures with the babies, which I had a feeling was ill-fated.  But, I let them try, and this is what we got.

That about sums it up.  William and Violet want to be on the go!  Happy 15 months!

CFA CANOE TRIP

It was high time for us to have another canoe adventure, and we wisely chose to leave our precious little kidlets behind.  When we told Lily what we were doing, she asked, "Is everything going to turn out okay?"  She is still a bit scarred from our last Buffalo River experience, and we will need to take them out again soon to give them a better, newer memory.

But this day was for some of our CFA Team Leaders.  We took a small group, which turned out quite nicely.  None of them had ever canoed before, so we had quite a time of it!  Everyone was so excited to get started.  The group that came was mostly from one large family.  Many of them have worked for us since our restaurant opened over seven years ago, and they are like our own family now.

One really funny story is that when we interviewed one of these women, she kept thinking that we were the boss's children, and that soon she would meet the real boss.  It took a couple of months for her to realize that we were the ones in charge.  We were such babies then, and we regularly laugh over this story!






John had told everyone that I used to teach canoeing at camp and could be their instructor.  Ha!  I did try to give them the basics before we all got into our boats, but at the end of the day, you just kind of have to do it and figure out what works for you.  We had a very funny first 30 minutes where one boat kept spinning its way down the river.

The weather was truly amazing for mid-July in Arkansas, and the water was at a perfect level from all the rain we've had this summer.  It made for delightful floating conditions.

John got to cliff jump and rope swing, and though he was disappointed that no one wanted to join him, he had a great time making big splashes, and we had a great time watching.

We all packed lunches to eat along the way.  John and I left ours at home and had to grab leftover salads at CFA.  Not a bad river lunch at all.



One boat did tip three times, but there was a lot of laughter that went along with it, and in the end, everyone had a great time.  It is so very beautiful at the Buffalo River.





We split off from the group after canoeing and drove around to enjoy the scenery and silence.  I never knew to appreciate the silence until I had all the children with me most of the time.  John and I treasured our time being able to talk and laugh and be quiet.  And the view.  Spectacular.

We forded a river in our 4-wheel drive vehicle that had a canoe on top.  John loves when we get to use the 4-wheel drive.




On the way home we stopped for a dinner date.  This day was the gift that kept on giving.  I love a good Chocolate Mess.

This day was a wonderful respite from our norm, and we desperately needed it.  Now we are back at the grind, which is also good - just a lot more work.