IN THE FIGHT

This week has been a quiet one on the home front.  I didn't have any major projects or things that *had* to get done.  Though we did have the 100th day of school celebration to prepare for, Lily and I managed to keep things simple.  She loved her hat with 100 safety pins and her bag of buttons.  Like I said - very simple.

Our life is balancing out in many ways.  The ship is beginning to right itself.  However, we realized that even on a ship that is sailing in mostly the right direction, life is still a fight.  We have to fight for an enjoyable marriage.  We have to fight to parent our children in a Godly way.  We have to fight for real friendships and community.  We have to fight for our right to party.

Okay - I probably got carried away there - but I do believe we have to fight for joy.  None of it comes naturally.  All of it seems continually under attack.  Does that sound dramatic to you?  I can tend towards the extreme end of most things.

But, God promises that in this world, we will have trouble.  He spells it out for us in John 16:33 - "In this world you will have trouble."  I think he probably needed to make it abundantly clear, because we so long for things to be simple and easy.  I want comfort - really, I do.  I want it bad.  Sometimes I want it more than God, but he gently (or forcibly) reminds me that in THIS world, I will have trouble.

The trouble will take all different shapes and come in various sizes and keep coming, like a never-ending parade.  Sometimes that parade will come by just one float at a time, and at other seasons, several marching bands of trouble may traipse through our life.  It is a fight to prioritize the things that really matter - the relationships and people that God has placed directly around me.

The last four months of 2014 were really challenging for John and I.  There were many good moments throughout, but there were a lot of bad ones as well.  It was one of the first times where I think we both thought to ourselves, "This is how couples grow apart."  "They" grow apart one bad day at a time, and all of the sudden "they" was turned into "us," and we had some choices to make.  We had to make time for hard conversations - the ones where both parties feel misunderstood and disappointed.  We had to make more time and mental space for one another.  We still have to - every day, and though some things get easier - it is still a fight.

We are at a stage of parenting right now where so many things feel like a fight.  The big girls have leveled out in so many ways, and I can see so much good on the horizon.  But, the twinsies are at a tough stage.  They've moved from precious babies to full-blown toddlers with opinions, and parenting them has turned from all physical activity to needing to use my actual brain to figure out what will work to cope with/handle different scenarios.  It's exhausting.  It's a fight.  They are busy little people all.the.time.

And when I think of friendships, I realize that no good friendship will be handed to me at this stage.  We are all so busy and fairly consumed with our families that taking time away feels monumental.  It is worth it, but it's a fight.  We have to dig deep and jump in quickly to get to the heart of what is going on.  As I breakfasted with two friends earlier this week, we realized that we were all drowning. It's so good to have friends to commiserate with, but it is hard to carve out the time.

I'm so thankful that John 16:33 continues.  After we are warned of the constant trouble, he says "But take heart!  I have overcome the world."  We are not in the fight alone.  Never.  Some days it will feel like it, but God has already overcome.  The fight is not our own, and Jesus has overcome the world.  I hope that you are fighting and relying on the strength of the Lord.  We all need it so desperately.

WEEKEND FUN

Ya'll - we are back in the land of the living.  This winter has been rough for sickness, and I am so thankful to be back in the swing of things today.  I know we aren't through it all yet, but it feels good to drop the babies off for therapy, go workout and go grocery shopping with just one child.  These are all such good things.

This weekend we took advantage of the beautiful weather and healthy bodies to enjoy a late afternoon trip to the zoo.  I love when January gives us these unexpected gifts.  Lily kept saying, "How can we go to the Zoo in the winter?"  And I just kept explaining that sometimes we get a brief reprieve from the cold and can enjoy time outdoors.

We spent a long time visiting the penguins and even got to watch them being fed.  This was our first trip to the zoo where the babies could actually identify that we were seeing animals, and they loved it.  They really are getting so much more fun all the time.

Many of the animals were out enjoying the sun, just like I would do if I lived at the zoo.  I would lounge in the sun and roll around and wait to be fed.  Sounds pretty great, to be honest.

(I have no idea how children fall into zoo exhibits.  I think parents should just pay much closer attention.  Have I mentioned lately that we are awesome parents?  It took me a minute to even realize Bella was climbing.)

We rounded out our visit by enjoying the playground, much to everyone's delight.

I love family time.  Really, I do.  I'm so thankful for these moments, and I do not take them for granted - especially after the last several weeks of illness.



This Monday is certainly a beautiful one where we live.  I'm hoping to soak up some sunshine while we can.

15 ON 22: A DAY IN THE {SICK} LIFE

Something that has come crashing home into my heart this week is how glad I am for our normal routine.  I was not made to spend every moment with my precious children.  I adore them, but the space that we end up getting most mornings is good for all of us.  That said, I decided to document a day the twins and I spent completely together - yesterday.

8:30ish: We returned home from dropping off big girls to school and Mother's Day Out.  They were pretty sweet through this outing.  It probably helped that I kept slipping them cereal bars.  William did flip out when he realized that he wasn't getting dropped off, and I wished he could understand how much I sympathized with that feeling.



9:30ish:  I tackled random projects around the house - like gluing together broken piggy banks.  It is glued back together now.  It will never be the same, thanks to our "Bulla" in the china shop of life.



10:15ish:  These two had been following me around looking for things to cry about.  The crying abated a bit with drinks, which I was very grateful for.  Sick toddler twins are just hard.  Fact.



11:10ish:  I tried to squeeze in a very quick grocery store trip before picking up Bella.  As a general rule, I rarely shop with the babies in tow and this trip reminded me why.  I resorted to opening an unpurchased bag of Goldfish to feed to them so we could make it through without anymore meltdowns.



12:00ish:  We ran through the CFA drive-thru for lunch, because the thought of "making" lunch at home seemed so overwhelming.  And it's a free lunch - so there's that.



12:30ish:  Bella likes to mix up her meal options for CFA with one of her current favorites being a side salad.  She gives me the tomatoes, but other than that - she eats it up!

1:00ish:  I do love cuddling this girl while we read before her "nap" time.  Only recently did I dispense with the ruse of "tucking her in," because we both know that she does no sleeping.



2:00ish:  Here's a look at my Winter 2015 Uniform.  If I've got just about nothing going on (this entire week), this is my go to outfit.  A cozy tunic from Gap Body, black leggings and Uggs.  It is SO COMFORTABLE.  And cozy.  And did I mention comfortable?  The only draw back is that there is no pocket for me to carry my phone around in and listen to audiobooks.  I have actually considered sewing one in.

3:15ish:  Biggest girl came home from school and immediately wanted a snack.  She has come home starving this week from boycotting her sandwiches, because they have Sunbutter instead of Wowbutter.  Kindergarten is so hard.

4:00ish:  Lily's homework was to "produce" something, and we chose to do cookies, because everything was already out.  The girls had a lot of fun.  There were sprinkles everywhere, and Violet kept trying and succeeding at eating them.  

5:00ish:  I worked on getting Taco Night ready to go.  I do love how colorful it was.

6:00ish:  We had a friend over for dinner, and he definitely got some good cuddles from V.

6:45ish:  Even when picking up dinner, this is what William looked like.  He and V spent much of the day tugging on my shirt and whining.

8:30ish:  Kiddos all in bed, and it was time to work on cookies.

10:00ish:  By this time, the cookies were all finished, and we were wrapping up our night of working and jamming to Pandora.

I have enjoyed some of the slow pace of this week and been thankful for the extra cuddles, but I am so thankful that we normally have more going on.  We definitely need it - especially me.  Wednesday morning, I got an amazing text from a friend asking if she could come and help in anyway.  I immediately said YES, and she met me at my house.  She folded laundry and did anything else that she could to help all morning long.  It was such a neat gift from the Lord, and I am so thankful that she took the time and initiative to help us out.  I needed it!  I'm hoping this weekend brings some relief and healing!

ROASTED BUTTERNUT SQUASH (& A FEW OTHER RECIPE LINKS)

I've been wanting to share this recipe since Tuesday of last week, but, other things have happened.  Mainly, my life have has been commandeered by having sick children and/or being sick myself.  Probably like many of you.  From what I understand, this winter has been particularly brutal - at least where we live.  Anyway, here's to the road to recovery being swift.  (Please, God.)

Earlier this month, I decided to try some new recipes.  I love trying new recipes and often do it as much as twice a week.  I've found a couple of new winter favorites that I will definitely return to.  First up - Roasted Butternut Squash.  I made this for our D-Group last week and everyone wanted the recipe - so yummy.



I long ago realized that I am not going to become a famous food blogger or photographer, which makes a lot of sense.  So - that is a very unstyled, just re-heated look at this tasty treat of a meal.  To me, it still looks good and like something I would eat, even on my every day dishes that are nearing the 10 year mark.  I hope you agree.

I used this recipe and then tweaked it.  I used all of the things she suggested.  For my grain, I used quinoa for the first time ever, and it was delicious.  I knew that a lot of guys were going to be eating this, so I added cooked ground sausage.  When I mashed up the baked squash, I added an entire log of goat cheese, because how could we possibly go wrong with that?  I think the beauty of this recipe is that you can change it up based on what you have on hand or what sounds good.  It was a crowd pleaser and quite healthy as well.  Double bonus.

In recent weeks, I've also tried this Crock Pot recipe for beef and broccoli.  We all liked it - even the kiddos.  Next time I will probably use chicken, because John prefers it to red meat, but overall, it was a hit.

Also a major hit at our house - this Crock Pot Coconut Chicken Curry.  We really like curry, but I've never loved the hands-on nature of making it.  This fixes that problem and is really tasty!  I skipped the jalapeño and added cauliflower to ours at the end.  This curry thickens up quite nicely with the corn starch.  Serve over coconut rice with some Naan bread, and I felt like I was in Thailand.  Well, maybe not quite, but I did have vague recollections of our time there while eating this.

I hope this gives you some recipe inspiration!  Happy cooking.

FYE: JANUARY

Are ya'll sick of our ER stories yet?  Because I am.  So I'll keep the most recent one short.  We went back to the ER yesterday morning and spent about 5 hours there.  They basically told me that Violet could be really sick at the hospital or at home if I was committed to following their instructions.  I picked home, and though she is still icky sounding and cranky, we are on the road to recovery.  Praise be to King Jesus, because cranky twin toddlers are absolutely no fun.

At a low point yesterday, I was suctioning William's nose and getting a fair amount of blood, when I looked over and noticed that Violet's nose was also bleeding.  They were both screaming, and I started sobbing.  It was ugly.  My clothes looked like I lost a bad fight.  But, we all recovered, mostly.

Enough of that.  The weather is beautiful - truly.  Sunshine does good things for my soul.  We had a delicious lunch from CFA.  I managed to finish up some cookies at nap time.  I am dressed and my bed is made, so really, life is good.  The truth is that God is good, and I am so thankful that he is sustaining me right now.

Since I'm sick of blogging about sickness, I've come up with a few fun things.

We are major Parenthood fans at our house and mourning the end of the series.  I really enjoyed this clip of Dax Shepherd on Ellen talking about their new child.



And - this video is an old one - it's his wife, Kristen Bell, talking about the time he brought a sloth to their house for a birthday.  So funny.  I totally understand her emotional scale, because I have tears in my eyes very quickly at both good and bad times.

Last night, John and I were listening to Pandora and decided to watch the video for The Cave.  Some songs really resonate somewhere much deeper than my ears or even my mind.  This one does that.  This song rings with a deeply held truth, and I love it.

This last video is back from Lily's birthday.  She honestly cannot blow out candles, and its pretty hilarious to watch.



I hope your Tuesday is a beautiful one.

SILVER LINING SUNDAY

I feel like this week has pillaged me and left me for dead.  Chewed me up and spit me out.  Robbed me blind and laughed while doing it.  It's been a rough week.  It was capped off by a trip to the ER with our dear Violet today.  There was a lot of coughing coming from the twins' room, and while she was in moderately good spirits -

her breathing was not great.  After a couple of breathing treatments at our house and trying and failing to suck her snot out with one of the new-fangled snot suckers that uses the "power of your own suction," (the truth is that I got light-headed and John got sickened by the whole concept pretty quickly into the endeavor) her breathing was still too quick and a bit labored.

So we rushed to our favorite Mexican restaurant for a super quick family lunch before Violet and I went to the ER.  Because I knew that we would be there a while, and it would be better if we were both well fed before we went.  You have probably already realized this, but John and I are awesome parents.  Like, award-winning.

Violet and I rolled into the ER around 12:15 and were ushered into triage and then into a room.  We had all the usual treatments and were there for over 3 hours.  Unfortunately, this is not our first rodeo in the ACH ER.

The staff did affirm that we were right to come and commented on how laid back I was.  And how prepared.  I came with an audiobook and drinks and snacks for us both.  Like I said, definitely not our first trip.  Violet was delighted to walk out a free girl.

In the meantime, John had our other children and time to kill.  Some friends had borrowed something from us that morning and invited us out to their property for the afternoon, and John took them up on that offer.  They helped to move their fireplace indoors.  Please notice how helpful Bella is.  (insert laugh/crying emoji here.)

It was such a beautiful day.



After our hospital visit, even Violet and I got to go see the house they are building, which was really fun, so our afternoon ended on a high note.  We went home in high spirits, ready to have dinner, give the kids a bath and have an early bedtime for them.  Of course it was not quite that simple.  During bath time, we had a Code Brown and needed to make an emergency evacuation of the tub.  So gross.  We moved all the kiddos to the shower, which both twins were crying about.  There were about 20 really chaotic, stinky, screamy minutes.

All in all, this is not the Sunday we had planned.  It happened to us.  That's how it goes sometimes.  Or almost all of the time this week.  The clothes I had laid out for church did not get worn.  We didn't get to hear the sermon on racial reconciliation that I'm told was excellent.

BUT - we had a good day.  The ER is not where I would want to have been, but it was relatively peaceful, especially once Violet fell asleep, and I got to just cuddle her.  Lily and Bella had an awesome day and told John how much they enjoyed spending time with their really good dad.  (cue tears from me when I heard overheard it)  And then Bella chimed in with, "And we got to see our really good mom, too!"  (more tears)

We also managed to get through this day with our sense of humor in tact, which is a saving grace straight from the Lord.  When you can laugh in the midst of chaos, you know things will be all right.  I'm thankful for the silver linings we had this Sunday, and I'm looking forward to starting a new, hopefully brighter week tomorrow!

BAD DAYS & SELF-SHAMING

This week has had its fair share of ick.  Obviously, Monday wasn't all roses.  Then, both twins got a mild stomach bug, which was no fun.  On Wednesday, both babies had pretty major appointments for things that I had put off til after the holidays.  So, Wednesday morning, I headed to ACH with the twins in tow for Violet to get checked at the ENT, due to her most recent failed swallow study.

While William moaned in the car almost all the way there, I was thinking that my decision to not have back-up for this adventure was a poor one.  About 10 minutes into our time at ACH, I was quite certain.  I texted John.  By the time he called back, I was nearly in tears, and John couldn't hear me over the crying children in the very small room with me.

Even though I was not very nice about it, John came to my rescue and scooped William out of the room just in time for Violet to have a camera threaded through her nose headed towards her throat.  She liked it about as much as you might imagine she would.  Thankfully, the two nurses, one doctor and one med student did all the dirty work while I got to watch.  Violet does indeed have another condition, but she will grow out of it, and it will thankfully not involve surgery.  She got a stuffed kitty for being such a "brave" girl.

After lunch time and smack dab in the middle of nap time, I took William to the eye doctor.  This is what he looked like in the waiting room.  Since he was *mostly* silently fit throwing, I let him lay there while the majority elderly crowd looked on in quiet horror.



After an initial examination, the nurse said, "Okay, now I'm going to put some drops in his eyes to dilate them.  Then you will wait in here (a darkened room) for 25-30 minutes while they work."

I wanted to gouge out my eyes while we waited for William's to dilate.

To be honest, it wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been, and at the end of it all, we found out that William's vision is normal, which is great news.  We got out of there as quickly as we could.



I knew going into Wednesday that I wasn't going to like it, but these things are necessary evils, and I am so thankful that we have the access to these services and doctors.  However, my attitude on Wednesday was not fantastic.  I wished that the twins had not been premature.  I wished that I had a better grasp on all of their medical history - much of which I will likely never know.  I wished that we didn't have to do therapy and lots of appointments and that they were more cooperative for all of it.

I felt sorry for myself and wanted to host a day long pity party.

And then, the self-shaming began.

"How can you think like this when there are mothers all over the world who wish they could go to doctors and hospitals so easily?"
"What about all the single moms who have literally no one to call when they are stuck in a waiting room with their difficult children?"
"You have everything in the world and still find ways to complain about it."

Having traveled quite a bit - I know these are real things.  I know I have everything, even the power of the most high God.  I have a husband who will come to my rescue when I need him to.  I have friends who will help with my other kids - one friend picked up Bella, fed her lunch and brought her to my house on Wednesday so I wouldn't have to take the twins anywhere else.



I am still wrestling through the gracious way to walk through hard days, and I am not there yet.  There has to be a balance between the wallowing in self-pity vs. wallowing in self-shaming.  I know the answer is more Jesus, less of me - it always is.  I need his perspective.  Yesterday, I got another chance to go down this road as I fell ill to the same mild stomach bug the twins had earlier in the week and laid on the couch most of the day post lunch.

More of Jesus, less of me.  It always should be my mantra.

SNIPPETS FROM TODAY

Today was not bad.  It was a normal day.  But, there were several moments that I realized seem to encapsulate so much of what life feels like right now.

As Bella and I were running errands, she started to verbally run through our day.
"First, we are going to the cookie store.  Then, we will go to the grocery store.  Then, we will pick up lunch.  Then, pick up the babies and have lunch.  Then nap time and Lily comes home.  And then we'll do gymnastics and have dinner and take baths and go to bed.  And then wake up and do it all again!"
As she said the last line, she put her hands in the air as if to cheer.  We certainly do have a Monday routine.

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After the aforementioned nap time, I went into a stinking twins' room.  Their nursery is fairly small, and when they both poop, it is fairly potent.  I could smell it before I opened the door, and both the big girls stayed far clear of it.  I was running just on schedule to get to gymnastics on time, which meant I had time to change the twins diapers, load everyone into the car and go.

I did not account for a poop explosion.  I never do.  There was an unfortunate literal pile of crap.  I got Violet out of the bed and took her straight to the bath where she immediately started wailing.  I had already released William, so he was looking for ways to be really helpful during this process.  (Extreme sarcasm font.)

I set about bathing the filthy, screaming child while the wild William went about his business banging on my back and then opening and shutting the three doors nearest to us.  Rince and repeat.  He also tried to pick up the poopy clothes.  Meanwhile, the big girls had gotten themselves changed for gymnastics and were mimicking each other in full force and then tattling.

It was a bad 10 minutes.  We rolled into gymnastics only about 5 minutes late, miraculously.

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I tried a new brussels sprouts recipe at dinner, and John and I really liked it.  We made both girls try it, because we are constantly working to expand the girls' palettes.  (As a side note, just last week, Lily was explaining to me that she is not at all a picky eater.  She said, "I like all kinds of chips.  Potato chips, Sun Chips, Cheetos, Pretzel Chips and chips with soup."  It was a remarkably long list, and I was laughing too hard to explain that didn't mean she wasn't picky.)  Lily popped an entire brussels sprout into her mouth and started chewing and then gagged.  She refused to swallow for a good 3 minutes (maybe more).  She cried.  She said she couldn't.  She eventually did, and then skipped on her merry way towards bath time.

After seeing this, Bella was more wary.  She began crying.  Loudly.  I think she may have tried to pound her fist on the table, but I explained that she would not be leaving the table without eating one, so she better get at it.  After a lot more crying, she eventually nibbled a bite.

She said, "I like it!"  She immediately perked up and ate the rest, all the while laughing and joking.

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This is a snapshot of what my days are like right now.  I wouldn't trade it for anything, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that someday, I will miss large parts of it.  But, I'm writing this blog now to remind myself of the things that won't be missed.  Piles of crap and brussels sprouts laced with tears.  Oh, and the piles and piles of laundry I folded tonight.  But, I'm going to sleep in my warm bed with my kind husband, and life is full and beautiful.  I am so thankful.

LILY'S BUTTERFLY PARTY AT PAINTED PIG

Yesterday Lily turned six, and today we celebrated with a party just for our girl.  She originally wanted a "Bug Squad" party, like Halloween.  However, in my great wisdom, I was going for something a little more simple and narrowed her down to butterflies.  Also, we hosted the party not at our house.  That made life a lot easier this weekend and was a great change of birthday pace, especially after our wild holiday season.

After a quick search on Etsy, I concluded that I could pretty easily design something I would like with my Silhouette software.  I love that thing.

The party was at The Painted Pig (a ceramic painting place) - after seeing this friend's post, I realized it might be a great fit for us.  And it was!  The girls all had a great time, and I am looking forward to seeing the butterfly tiles that each girl painted.  Lily and Bella were very excited to help set everything up.

I honest to goodness kept things much simpler for this party.  We had cheese and butterfly crackers, fresh fruit, water, cake and candy.

The painting went pretty quickly, because the girls were almost all 6 and under.  But - they really enjoyed themselves!  Lily got to pick the colors, and the staff had pre-drawn butterflies onto each tile, which was really helpful.

Family from both in town and out of town were there to celebrate and help make it a special occasion.

We sang "Happy Birthday" to Lily and enjoyed the light snacks and cake.  The girls ended up having a great time adding jelly beans to their water and drinking the concoction.  It is so funny to see what entertains six year olds.

After all the eating and painting and playing, it was time to wish everyone farewell and send them on their way with a cookie!

It was such a fun group of girls to celebrate with!




We certainly love our Lily!

And, if you want to take a trip down memory lane, here's an opportunity!
Lily's Princess Party {5}
Lily's Horse Party {4}
Lily's 'Panda'modium Party {3}
Lily's Rainbow Crayon Party {2}