FAITH STORY

Sometimes life can be a drag.  I hear stories and wonder how it will end.  What will ever go right?  How is God working in these lives?  At church on Sunday I found myself in tears thinking and praying for people in my world.  I want so badly for things to go well, and there are no guarantees.

Years ago, I went on a Spring Break trip with some girls in college.  We drove from Arkansas to California.  One of our plans was to camp at the Grand Canyon on our way out there.  However, when we arrived at the Grand Canyon, it was sort of blizzardy, even though it was late March.

That was the only time I have ever seen the Grand Canyon, and all I saw was white cloud.  None of the glory was visible.  Only the gray fog.  It's not a far stretch to see how I draw the parallel between this story and faith.  Obviously, I've seen pictures of what the Grand Canyon actually looks like, but even after being there - I have to trust what other people say.  I never got to see it.

So many things in life are like this.  I have to trust that God is writing a bigger, better story than I can understand or fathom this side of heaven.  Faith has to wrap itself around my heart and write the truth there when I just can't see it.

I'm including a video here that I sincerely hope you take the time to watch.  I knew Annie briefly in college, and it was amazing to be able to see this video of how God has worked through their adoption.  Seeing a story where God worked so clearly, personally and uniquely within a family is so encouraging and faith-building.

God sees.  God cares.  God is working for you in ways you cannot yet even imagine.  Walking in faith can be a real challenge, but it is worth it.  Thanks, Annie and Walt, for sharing your story with all of us!

GETTING IN THE FOSTER GAME: GUEST POST WITH LINDSAY

A few things have happened that have seemed to hijack April, and so, here I am, less than a week out, joining in with this year's Walk for the Waiting.  But - it's never to late to join this party.  I can't believe its the third year for this amazing event, and I am so looking forward to Saturday!  In honor of this event and as one reminder of why we do it, I thought I would share this story.

Remember back at Christmas time when my amazing babysitter turned dear friend shared her mad Christmas crafting/decorating skills with us?  Well, Lindsay wrote a post for our church's adoption ministry's newsletter and graciously said I could share it here as well.

And - so you can put some faces with this, here are Lindsay and Dave, some of the world's cutest people.  Plus their dog Wrigley, who is also cute.  Must be a family thing.

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Hi everyone! What a joy to share a bit of our story with you. Foster care is something that we, truthfully, never envisioned for our family, but the experience is one that now, we know weʼd never trade.

Before we were married, Dave and I had the typical “these are how many kids Iʼd like to have and when Iʼd like to have them” chat like couples do. We settled on 2 children and that we should wait 2 years before thinking about having any. You know, in the way that any precious, mid-20s, married for 3 months newlyweds decide the way their lives are going to play out. Kinda like that. Our second anniversary came quicker than we imagined, as anniversaries are prone to do, and we concluded that we still werenʼt ready to try for babies. I think I underestimated how much fun marriage was and adding a tiny at that time felt like it would cramp our style. Because weʼve got so much of it. So again, we agreed to revisit the conversation in another year or so.

The fall of 2013 (our second anniversary was in May 2013) is when our hearts and lives began shifting. Dave works at Fellowship and sometimes church work is messy and hard and hurtful. Some things happened that really made me stop and consider what it meant to be a follower of Jesus. One of the hardest pills for me to swallow has always been the way the world views Christians. My heart has always been a little extra sensitive to nonbelievers and some of my deepest heartache has come from watching people who claim to follow Christ treat each other and people who think differently than they do. We (myself totally included) have done a fairly awful job of representing the message of Jesus and I knew I didnʼt want to be lumped in the category of “another uncompassionate Christian.” Wading through all these hurts and emotions felt more like drowning.

But looking back from the other side, I feel like those moments were probably more formative than I could have realized. It was out of that time that I began to read the words of Scripture differently, more literally. Specifically in the passages that spoke to social justice and the role of Believers in the world around us. I began to look at the life of Jesus, where He went, who He went to, and what He did. I had always explained away my inactivity of Gospel work with statements like “well, no one has leprosy in my world, so I donʼt know who Jesus wants me to seek out.” Or “Jesus speaks in metaphor quite a bit (which He does when reiterating important points), so surely the prisoners and prostitutes that He hung around with are metaphors for something else, too.” Am I the dearest? Donʼt you just want to punch me? As I began to peel back the layers of His word, I realized more and more that Godʼs heart for the Church was to love Him and give Him away to the world. Jesus came FOR PEOPLE, and if I wanted to be like Him, I needed to be for them, too.

Like I mentioned, Dave works at the church, and has worked at churches for a while. He leads worship for students and does it so genuinely and sincerely. I would always watch him and teaching pastors and missionaries who have “obviously spiritual” gifitngs and feel like I missed out. Like some people got gifts they could use “for God”, and some didnʼt. And I definitely didnʼt. I love to throw parties, laugh, create, bake, and decorate my home. It felt shallow, in light of “all Dave was doing” with what the Lord had given him. During the course of this season, I read a book called Restless by Jennie Allen with a group of dear friends. The book talks about embracing our own gifts and passions and experiences, rather than wishing for someone elseʼs. I learned that my gift and love of hospitality had SUCH an important place in Godʼs plan for His world; I just wasnʼt clear on how that looked in my life.

I just love how the Spirit aligns hearts together when He wants to make His will clear. So many times I am blown away at the confirmation the Lord gives and our story really is no exception. At that time, we lived in a 2 bedroom apartment. I think it hovered just over 1000 square feet, and the ability to have people in our home comfortably was not really there. Dave is by nature very introverted and refuels by being at home. He would tell you, for quite a while, he used our small apartment as a means of disobedience. Despite clear commands in Scripture to live closely in community and bear each otherʼs burdens, he hid behind the excuse “we just donʼt have the room.”

Dave began to feel the Spiritʼs leading to look into home ownership, not just because it was the “American” thing to do, but truly as a step of obedience. We purchased our first home in March of 2014! We knew that we wanted to view our home differently and that we truly wanted it to be the Lordʼs. We didnʼt want to be weird about creating “our sanctuary” or a place to “retreat to”; rather, that God would have His way with whatever He wanted to do with those 1700 square feet. We prayed over every inch of our home that it would be a place where Kingdom work was done, where people would always be safe and welcome, and that they would walk out of the door knowing more of Christ because of what happened in that space.

So armed with a desire to live very literally how Jesus did, a renewed sense of passion, and a brand new home, we set out to put our feet to our words. If our home was to be a place of safety, refuge, and love, we had to take actual steps toward that. We knew a few families from Fellowship who were involved in foster care, so we decided to start asking some questions. We attended a CALL (Children of Arkansas Loved for a Lifetime) information meeting and began working our way through the steps of becoming an open foster care family.

We officially opened in September and got our first placement a couple weeks after! We became first time parents to the cutest, happiest, most precious 8 month old boy. Even though he was only in our home for about a month, he filled it to the brim with a joy we really didnʼt know was possible. Each day that he was with us, I felt like I learned a new facet of Godʼs character. I experienced such a deep communion with Him and those were some of the most precious moments I think Iʼll ever have. I know we provided our little guy with a safe and loving home, but Iʼm pretty sure he gave us more than we did him. There really arenʼt adequate words to describe the overwhelming grief that came when he left. Despite the thankfulness for another familyʼs restoration, ours felt like it broke in a thousand pieces. Everything in my life has pretty much “gone my way” and I naively assumed that the trend would continue. Weʼd adopt him, have our cute little family, and that would be it. Because thatʼs how my life should go. I guess I was hoping I could skate through life without a huge amount of suffering. 

Learning how to grieve really is a life skill and what I have gained in the midst of it is a deeper sense of compassion for those who suffer. For the world. For the people that God so desperately loves and came for. Suffering is universal and Iʼm surprisingly thankful for the new kinship that I feel with the world around me. Iʼd always had a fairly “hands off” approach to peopleʼs hardships, but now, we know names. We put faces to drug abuse and domestic violence. We can never unsee or unknow that real heartache exists in our world and in our city. And even though thatʼs tremendously hard, I am so humbly grateful that the Lord has allowed us to be in community with this new extended family.

Jen Hatmaker describes our calling as “the place where our burdens meet our passions.” After years of confusion on what my calling could be, I really feel like Iʼve hit my sweet spot. Jesus has graciously allowed me to learn how to leverage my gifts for His kingdom and itʼs been such a privilege. We continue to pray about what our family might look like, but, unlike 4 years ago, we hold any plans for the future so loosely. We want our family to be a reflection of heaven, and we want to be obedient in however the Lord chooses to do that in our lives. Dave and I feel so fortunate to be on this journey with all of you and are thankful to sit at the feet of and learn from those who have gone before us!

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Thanks so much for sharing, Lindsay!  To sponsor Lindsay and Dave for Walk for the Waiting - click here!

TWINS' BERENSTAIN BEARS PARTY

These two turned two last week, and they love books and animals, so when I was brainstorming on a theme, I tried to mesh those things.  I LOVED the Berenstain Bears books when I was a kid, and two is the last age where you can throw whatever party you want to throw without input from your children.  So, I seized this last opportunity for a theme that I wanted.




And it was so much fun to execute.  I ordered a bunch of books through eBay and hung them everywhere.  That was the main decor.




I didn't have any extra family in town to help in the hours leading up to the party, but John took all the kids all morning while I finished getting stuff set up which was hugely helpful.

I didn't realize that our street would be a bit chaotic on birthday day.  We had new neighbors moving in across the street, and it was neighborhood garage sale day.  We like to keep life exciting.  You can see the giant orange truck reflected in the door windows of our "Spenst Family Treehouse."

Here's a peek at the Watering Hole.  Birthday Express is the only place online that has Berenstain Bear party related stuff, so I got some stickers from there for the cups.

I went with a picnic/bear theme on the table and did a lot of our usual party food, which almost always includes CFA Nuggets and popcorn.  I also added in a bunch of Teddy Grahams and Gummi Bears.  I found Berenstain Bear fabric through Etsy for the table.

For activities, we had the bounce house going upon arrival.

After eating lunch, I read the first Berenstain Bear book published, The Big Honey Hunt.

After reading, I handed the kids the first Honey Hunt clue and sent them on their way!  I had hidden members of the bear family at different spots around the outside of our house and sent the kiddos running for them.

After the Honey Hunt, I broke the children into two groups as they did Berenstain Bear puzzles.  I geared the activities to the older kids I knew that would be there, and I knew the twins would just like having all the other kids around.




Then, it was time for singing Happy Birthday and candle blowing and cake and cookie eating!






The birthday boy was a little clingy but willing to smile for pictures, though I couldn't get a picture of the twins' smiling with the big girls in their cute shirts that my friend was able to do last minute.




Since I ordered the books pretty randomly, I got whatever came.  Funnily enough, I got four of "The Berenstain Bears and Too Much Birthday."  By the time everyone left, both William and Violet had had Too Much Birthday and nap time was around the corner.



All in all, it was a great day with great family and friends in attendance.  I'm so thankful to have had two years with William and Violet, and it was a real privilege to celebrate their lives!

TWINS TURN TWO

Today is Violet and William's birthday.  We have TWO TWO year olds!  It feels like every bit of two years, but it has also gone quickly.  They are our miracle babies, and it also feels like a miracle to get to the two year mark with twins.  I'm told that the three year mark will feel even better, and I can definitely understand that sentiment.

Violet is the older twin and loves cats, pushing the washing machine and dryer buttons, writing on the walls with markers and carrying around her special blanket.  She is a born dancer and loves to "shake it" anytime music comes on.  She's also become quite proficient at calling the Hogs, because WPS.  She's a little beauty who insists on wearing her daily bows, but it is also amazing to watch her develop an inner beauty as an empathetic little person who loves babies and really does care when someone else seems upset.

That's not to say that she can't throw down a decent fit at a moment's notice for no apparent reason, because she has a full range of that within her arsenal.  She does not often love riding in the car, though I've found that opening the windows and talking about the trees helps distract her.  She would eat carbs continually if allowed to do so.  Sadly, she's allergic to peanuts and eggs and has some level of milk intolerance - all of which are major bummers to this cookie craving girl.  I'm learning a lot about egg substitutes in baking.




William loves cats, his Tonka Truck, pushing anything around in his Tonka Truck or a laundry basket, writing on the walls with markers and yogurt raisins, which he wishes he could eat at the exclusion of all other food.  Being two is hard.  He is full of giggly laughter that bubbles out and spills over onto anyone around him.  He says "Hi" and blows kisses to strangers drawing them into his William glow. He loves to be thrown in the air by John or be chased by Lily and Bella.

Just like Violet, he can "fall out" at any time, though he often throws silent fits, which I appreciate.  He lays himself gently onto the floor, so as not to injure his head, and stares sullenly at you, which is really pretty funny.  Except when it is in the middle of a crowded hallway and he refuses to get up.

For the most part, they really, really love each other.  They love to blow raspberries at each other in the car and think they are so funny.  It is pretty hilarious when they do fight, because it sounds a little like birds squawking at one another.




Both William and Violet are in six hours of therapy a week - Physical, Occupational, Speech and Developmental.  We have been blessed with a wonderful group of therapists who pour into them and give constant encouragement.  Both twins walk and run and say a hand full of words and are learning more all the time.  It is amazing to watch them start to understand the world around them.  I think it's one of the greatest privileges of being a parent when you get to see things start to fall into place in their minds and be able to communicate more all the time.

Violet wears braces (AFOs) in her shoes all the time and still continues to have her liquids thickened. While I don't find either one delightful, it is amazing how normal things become once they are just part of the drill.  Violet also drools like a faucet much of the time.  William's "medical" quirk is that he has massive reactions to most bug bites and swells hugely.  I've never seen anything like it, so we have to be really careful with him when we are outdoors and diligent about bug spray.  (You can see a bump on his forward in a picture below - that's from a bug bite last week.)

We are so thankful for these two precious children.  We can't imagine life without them.  When walking the adoption road, we never could have imagined this scenario, and it has been such a blessing.  It's been hard, too - no denying it.  But, it's all worth it.  We love William and Violet so very much and can't wait to see what all God has in store for their lives!

Click here to see their First Birthday Post that has links to some of their adoption story if your interested.  We look forward to celebrating with friends this weekend!

ADDICTED TO PRODUCTIVITY

I know I've said it before on this here blog, but this past year has been a doozy.  At times, we have felt like we were limping, then crawling and then being dragged along with it.  We are the kind of tired that most of a week in Belize did not completely fix.

Most of the time, when someone asks how we are doing, I say, "fine" or "okay" or "we're tired, but we're making it."  And all of those things are true in some measure.  We are fine.  I could tick the good things in our life one after another and be blown away by how much grace surrounds us.  Healthy children, a good job, rich friendships, and loving family are the tip of the iceberg.

I feel we walk a fine balance between screaming WE ARE SO THANKFUL and simultaneously screaming WE ARE SO TIRED.  And when you're tired, everything feels harder.  It takes more work, and quite frankly, I look around and regularly think about how many tasks stand between me and anything else.  There is endless work.

There's a saying that rings true right now - "Work expands to fill the time allowed."  There is always, always, always something else that could be done, could be organized, could be planned for.  There is always someone with needs to meet and holes to fill.  In the past year, we have allowed work to fill much of the time.  Some of this has been necessary and seasonal, but it is amazing how easy it is to fall into unhealthy patterns of constant activity and work.  We've become slightly addicted to the productivity and list checking.  We unintentionally measure our worth by our tasks accomplished.

I think living in our culture is a tricky thing.  We are plugged in with one another in many ways, and this creeping busyness is not unique to our family.  Sometimes, it feels like we are in some sort of weirdo competition with who can feel the most swamped and have the most going.  Who can keep the most plates spinning while still smiling?

I don't want to be in competition, and for the most part, I don't feel like I am.  But there can be a nagging whisper that looks around and pats myself on the back for all that I can do in a day.  Selfishly, I have always wanted to make life look easy - and having any level of performance like that is not loving those around me well or being truthful about reality.   I don't want to feel all martyrish about the things that I am doing while comparing them to others and wondering what must be filling their time.  We all have different gifts, capacities, seasons and needs.  Nothing is apples to apples, so playing any sort of comparison game in my mind only hurts me.

I am hopeful that it will not always feel like this, but I think I will need more of God's grace in each season to walk in a way that is pleasing to him and not addicted to productivity.  We are also actively taking things off our plate to provide more margin and downtime in general.  It's not a good sign when your daughter fractures her elbow and you are most upset about the time lost.  We feel like we have done our best to follow the Lord's leading, and when that is combined with our performer/achiever personalities, life is over flowingly full.

Right now, it feels like we are sprinting through a marathon, and at this pace, we will run out of steam around mile 13, if not before.  As with most things in life, it would be easier to do everything or do nothing.  Listening to the Lord and doing the right things that he has for us is the hardest road and requires the most intentionality.  BUT - I believe that is what he's asking from us.  To rest in him.  To rest in general and to follow His lead, not our own.  To God be the glory.

OUR 10TH ANNIVERSARY!

Today marks 10 years of wedded bliss.  (For pics from that special day, click here!)  I don't know that there are words that can fully describe what all the last 10 years have contained.  Any married person can tell you that there are always ups and downs, and that is definitely true for us.  This past year has been more testing than most, and we feel like we've earned survival badges just to be here and still be liking each other.

Was today a faint echo of the joyful day of our wedding?

Not in the slightest.  The sim card in my phone died around 7:45 a.m. for no reasons to kick things off.  We did go car shopping this morning sans kiddos which was really fun.



But, I think the rest of the day got the better of both of us in different ways.  Sometimes it feels like everything and everyone is demanding our attention, and we answer to a lot of things and people.  Instead of chocolate covered strawberries, this is what the strawberries looked like at dinner.  I had basically given up, and John was at a meeting, and the kids were eating them straight from the carton.  And putting them back in, gnawed on.  It's a glamorous existence here.



Then I ate the ones that had been partially chewed, because I couldn't let perfectly good strawberry go to waste, and I couldn't stick them back in the fridge like that either.  If you ever labor under the impression that things are running smoothly here, rest assured, they are not.  We are off the tracks in so many ways.

But, John is winging his way home at this moment with a Chocolate Sack for us to eat so we can wrap this evening up right.  10 years.

It's been so rich.  It's been so good.  It feels like longer and shorter all at the same time.  I do feel blessed beyond measure to do life with John.  He makes me laugh, and he points me to Christ.  I couldn't ask for anything more from a partner.   And while we are certainly not thrilled with one another in every moment - the good moments far outweigh the bad ones, and I'm so grateful.

The last 10 years have held so many surprises, and we NEVER could have dreamed what all our life would hold.  I'm excited to see what God has in store for the next 10 years.  I can only hope it involves a bit more sleep, but I'm guessing that God will keep us on our toes.  I'm thankful to be doing this adventure with John.

In honor of our anniversary and #ThrowBackThursday, I'm posting just a few pics from our Hawaiian honeymoon.  We rocked Maui and Oahu and had a splendid time.  We look young and carefree - though we felt like we really needed a vacation from wedding planning, full-time jobs and grad school.  If only I could go back and tell 10 year younger John and Carol how simple things actually were.  You only get that perspective with time.

(I'm standing at the base of that tree!)



And even knowing what I know and having the perspective that 10 years gives me, I would do it all again.  With John.  He's my very favorite.

Here's to the next 10 years and beyond!

Past Anniversary Posts:
{2011} {2012} {2013} {2014}

RE-ENTRY HIGHS & LOWS

Coming home from a delightful trip always has its highs and lows.  We call it re-entry.  I wish I could say that this re-entry has been without major event, but alas, that is not the way we roll.

High:  Our children and my parents had a wonderful week together.  Now- our kiddos were still their relatively high maintenance selves, but there were no illnesses, hospital trips or any other unseemly dramas.  We were all so thankful for this.

They read books.



Braved the Zoo.



Enjoyed spring in Arkansas.

And generally played outside any chance they got.  A great week for all involved.

Thanks so much, Mom and Wes.  You guys get the MVPs for our Belize trip, and we could not have done it without you.  We are so grateful.

High:  Our children were excited to see us when we got home, and we had a good Sunday together before heading back to life full force on Monday.

Low:  Lily tripped while starting to run at gymnastics.  She came out wailing, and I totally dismissed the pain, because nothing was swollen, and she could move everything.  However, she continued to cry off and on through dinner, and then woke up in pain.  I knew at that point that it was serious.  Tuesday morning we headed to the pediatrician's office and got x-rayed.  Basically, there has been some kind of trauma to the elbow, but they can't be certain exactly what it is, because of where the injury is located.

This injury has cost a lot of time out of school and several treats to make everything "feel" better.  Today, we headed to the orthopedic clinic, and after looking at her x-rays, they decided to put her in a cast for a couple of weeks.  Without a moment's hesitation, Lily chose purple, and within 15 minutes, the cast was hardening onto her arm.  It's the first cast for our family, but I am guessing it won't be the last.

Lily has done pretty great through the whole ordeal, and on the whole, it could be much worse.  We will be in the cast for two weeks, and then they will re-evalutate to see if she still needs it.

Low:  We lost John's wallet for about 24 hours.  There was that moment of panic when we thought we might have to cancel all cards and hope to high heaven that John's identity hadn't been stolen.

High:  We did find John's wallet.  Thank the Lord.

Low:  Taxes.  Ours were mostly all done by March, because we totally outsource that major job.  However, I still had to write the checks, transfer the money and mail it all in.  It is not rocket science, but it felt like it last night.

High:  We remembered to do our taxes, unlike two years ago, when we totally forgot to mail money in, because we were on pins and needles waiting on twinsies.

Low:  I have generally over-committed myself for the next several weeks.  It's like I totally over-estimated the amount of time and energy that I possess, and so I am stretched a bit thinnish at the moment.  Who needs sleep anyway?

We are back, and I am glad.  Home is where the heart is, though I am always glad when we get to fly the coop for a bit.  Makes the coop that much sweeter.