WHAT'S NOT WORKING

Our closet light quit working a couple of weeks ago.  It just went out.  I tried the breakers, and then John tried changing the bulbs.  He figured it was the ballast (whatever that is), and we eventually called a guy to come fix it.  That process all took about 1.5 weeks, and in the waiting, every time I went into the closet, I still tried the light switch.  I knew in my head that flicking it was futile, but 8 years of habit kept me doing the same thing I always did when I walked into the closet.

Also a few weeks back, John and I had a mini meeting of the minds at a Starbucks mid-morning. (I do love alliteration.)  We were close enough to our neighborhood and church that we kept running into people that we knew, many of whom made comments like, "Y'all are so cute doing a 'Day Date'!" or "Way to be building into your marriage."  This felt borderline hilarious since we were having a conversation all about the things that were not working in our life, and the list was long.  It still is.  We certainly didn't feel "cute."

The realities of the stress in our life are real, and our personalities are such that some of those stresses are exaggerated.  There have also been circumstances recently that have felt outside of our control, and we have been left reeling.  As we looked at the big picture of our current reality, we realized that we needed to make some changes, and we needed more help.

I've written several times about counseling that we're both continuing with, but this time I'm talking about more practical, hands-on help.  With all the kiddos now in regular school, there has been an uptick in what is required at home, especially between the hours of 3 and 8.  The twins have a little homework, and they need extra help and usually at the same time.  The girls generally do their homework with little prompting or help, but they still need occasional input or guidance.  There are practices and appointments and gymnastics that we are also packing into this time-frame, plus dinner, de-tox from the day and getting lunches packed and ready for the next school day.

The first few weeks of school left me frazzled and frustrated.  I had the day to recover, but the times when we were all together felt fraught and really intense.  It wasn't working, and I had the light-bulb moment that it didn't have to be that way.

So, I reached out for help.  I contacted one of our regular sitters who also used to be William and Violet's preschool teacher.  I started booking her for a couple of afternoons/evenings a week even when I would also be here.  She comes in and helps with the homework, and since she is a full-time special-ed teacher, she is VERY good at this.  So much better than I am.

(See?  She's actually smiling during homework.)

It was a little awkward at first, because I'm not used to having someone else here, and it does mean that she sees a lot more of our lives, which feels vulnerable.  But, it is a game changer.  When John comes home from what is often a stressful day at work, we are much calmer at home with another adult.  She usually stays through dinner and bed-time, and again, it is amazing what having another set of adult hands does.  She's was here 3 afternoons last week, and with how crazy last week was, it was a massive help.  As a bonus, all of my kids love her.

Does it feel weird to be a full-time stay-at-home mom who still needs more help with my kids?  Yes.

Is it still exactly the right thing for our family right now?  Yes.

When I look at all of our unique stresses and circumstances, I can conclude that this is what we need right now.  It helps take our family from merely surviving and moves us more towards thriving.

So - here's my encouragement to anyone reading this - What things in your life aren't working?  And what things could you do to make changes in those areas?  I've had to start thinking differently about our family life and address our particular situations instead of being stuck in what worked in my family growing up or what might work for my friends.  We all have such unique situations, resources, limitations and circumstances, and maybe you need to think outside of the box to make a change that is best for everyone.  Quit flicking the switch that no longer works and have someone come fix the whole light. (if that's what you need!)

NOTABLE HAPPENINGS

September has kept us running, and there is more fun ahead!  Here are some of the things the family has been up to in handy little bullet points.

 - Grandparents Week at school



- Enjoying the Morning Glories at Grandma's house



- Seeing this silly girl in her 4th grade performance at school



- Bella started playing soccer, and because of how crazy this month has been, it's been an adventure getting her to practice each week.  One night, John got to take her and sneak in a date afterwards!

- Celebrating sister Quinn's birthday



- Being really into climbing lately

- Riding the bus home from school every day 🙌🏻

- Having team members/friends at our house with their car that matches their shirt



- Serving dinner to a ministry with our whole D-group and all the kids.  This pic is an accurate depiction of what it felt like.



- John took William and his dad to St. Louis while I was at the beach.  They went to the Arch and 2 Dodgers games, obviously.

(they got photo-bombed by one Dodger and handed a baseball by another one - it was a special day!)

I don't know what in my head years ago thought that life would be simpler with my kids all in school.  Do I have large chunks of time without them each day?  Yes.  Are they all becoming full-blown people themselves that have many more activities and needs than when they were all pre-schoolers?  Also yes.  I am amazed and still a little overwhelmed by the juggling it takes to make it to all the places with all of the children.  BUT - this is a sweet stage, and I am thankful for each kid and what God is using to shape each one of them!

NO RAINBOWS WITHOUT THE RAIN

Rainbows, actual literal rainbows across the sky, have seemed to follow me the last couple of months.  I am one of those people that forever and always exclaim over them and chase them and stare at them until they fade away.  (I imagine this is a shocker to anyone that knows me. 🤣🤷🏻‍♀️🌈)  Obviously, I know how they work - the sun hits the water droplets and boom, an arch of color across the sky.  Even with that (sketchy) head knowledge, I find them truly amazing.



Obsessing over rainbows certainly falls squarely within my personality profile.  I love beauty.  I love fun.  I love out of the ordinary, and rainbows check all of those boxes.  Large chunks of my heart really wish that life was all sunshine and rainbows.

But, it hit me when we were on vacation in North Carolina - you don't get rainbows without the rain.  The beautiful colors stretching across the sky do not appear on cloudless, sunny days.  They only accompany the rain.  In the case of our NC trip, there was a lot of rain, and also on that trip, we got a lot of rainbows.

I have always wanted the good without the hard.  I guess as I write that I realize that in our human flesh, we all want that to some degree, but my wiring seems to desire or expect it more than most.  For much of my early life, I had so much good that I was fairly swimming in it.  And if something wasn't good, I usually found a way to see the bright side or turn it in to a positive.

My young adulthood sent me on a different path with true hardship and pain.  And my current adulthood (am I actually middle-aged now?!? 😱) is punctuated by difficulties on all levels.  This year in particular, I've felt victimized by my life, which is its own problem that I've been working out in counseling all year.  Bless my counselor's heart.

I've been fighting with God over how HARD certain things seem.  I expected our family life to look differently than it does.  I want guaranteed outcomes on how my children will turn out.  I imagined John's work life would iron itself out into neatness.  Instead, we are struggling in so many areas.  It does not look the way I wanted it to look, and I have fears about what it may look like in the future.  I've been facing our current realities and grieving future possibilities.  Basically, it's been a cloudy time with more than a chance of showers and thunderstorms.

But even in all of that, I've seen the goodness of the Lord.  He never leaves or forsakes.  He promises goodness and faithfulness and himself.  A couple of weeks ago, a friend sent a verse that has offered me much encouragement and hope.  I wrote it up on our chalkboard to remind myself.



Psalm 84:11-12: For the Lord God is our sun and our shield.  He give us grace and glory.  The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.  Oh, Lord of Heaven's Armies what joy for those who trust in you.

There is always so much good to be gleaned through the hard.  And while the good by-products would never "justify" the pain, I am certainly thankful that light does indeed penetrate darkness.  Joy comes in the morning, and often, rainbows come after the rain.  But we don't get one without the other.

GIRLS' BEACH TRIP

Before I get into the meat of this post, lemme just say - I never get over the gift of friendship in my life, especially at this stage in my life.  And these girls are as good as they come - they love Jesus and their families, and they encourage me to lean on the Lord and work to be the best version of myself.  I can trust them implicitly with the crazy that goes down, and I have a total blast with every one of them.  If you don't have some people - find them.  Then do the work to keep them.  It is worth it.

Bright and early on Wednesday morning, we pulled out of Little Rock to head down to Perdido Key.  (side note, that auto-corrects to "Period" Key 😱)  Six moms, leaving behind 23 kiddos and six husbands with lots of sitters, teachers and other family members filling in the gaps.



We got Starbucks and had lots of snacks on the trip down, which went remarkably smoothly with only adults and no one screaming.  It was almost surreal how fast it went, though we did manage to play an entire game of travel Scattergories FTW.

Upon arrival, we made our way to our home for the next four days, which was graciously provided by Marla's parents.  

Every morning, we (by *we*, I mean them, because I never actually helped with breakfast) made breakfast hash with eggs.  So delicious.

We had a lot of matching items for the trip: towels, shirts and adorable Mommy sippy cups.  It's a good way to roll.

Every lunch was a selection of cheeses, meats, fruits, veggies, hummus and crackers, basically an adult Lunchable that I could for sure eat every day of my life.  (I actually did help prepare lunch a couple days.)

And while our accommodations were lovely, scenery fantastic and food remarkable, the friends were the best part of this trip by far.

I have shared so much life with these women in the past 10, 7, 6 and 3 years, and I could not be more grateful for each of them and the roles they have played in my life.  Each one of them points me to Christ in a different way.  As a double bonus, they are all a ton of fun.  My cheeks hurt from smiling, and my sides hurt from laughing.

As if to underline God's approval of the whole shindig, we got a sweet rainbow while driving to the airport to see Nicole off to her next adventure.



We had a blast eating out every night for dinner, pretty much on the water almost every night.

Every day was spent on the beach, and it's hard to imagine being more relaxed than we were.  There was a lot of napping, reading, chatting and bobbing up and down in the waves.  We were all amazed at how peaceful it was to be in the water without children.

Our last night out was at the Flora-Bama Yacht Club whose name sounds fancier than it is by far.  But, the Greek Nachoes were excellent, and we enjoyed our last hurrah.



We got up early on our last morning to be able to get back to our families at a decent time.  I finally saw the sunrise on the last day.

These five days and four nights will always be a treasure to remember.  And coming home was sweet, because my people were glad to see me, and sometimes, absence really does make the heart grow fonder.  I can return home with renewed energy and rest to do the tasks before me, even if those tasks are still a lot harder than I might wish for.  I'm so thankful for sweet time with these women!