I feel it too. I want to yell and scream about the things that matter to me. I want to be understood. I want people to consider that maybe, just maybe, they may be wrong. This includes myself. I want to walk this life with humility, understanding that there are a billion things I need to learn about, and I want to be able to change my position as I receive new information.
It feels impossible to get this year right, because so much is still unknown. And I'm angry about it. I've been really open about the fact that quarantining just about did our family in. That said, I understand the continued need to physical distance and use masks. We are still neck deep in this virus that is probably not going to kill you or me, but the sheer volume of people getting sick and the lack of effective treatments mean that we need to continue to slow it down.
That said, we are working to normalize as much as possible for our children and taking calculated risks. Our big girls went to camp, and we all went to family camp earlier this summer. We went to the beach. We've been taking precautions and using masks and distancing, but I know we are still taking risks. We can and will distance from anyone in our circle that is more vulnerable. We want to stop the spread. But we also must advance our mental health that has suffered greatly this year.
We'll be sending our kiddos to school in the fall, doing a mix of in-person and virtual with the big girls, whatever that looks like, and in-person for the twins who fall into the category of necessitating in-person instruction. I am praying fervently for our teachers and school administrators who are tasked with something impossible. None of us have ever done this, and it is certainly not one size fits all. And I'm prepared for them to come home again if that is what ends up happening as seems highly possible.
I guess as I rant and rave through the minefield that is this year, I hope and pray that we can offer grace to one another and to ourselves. How can we love each other well during a time that is hard on everyone? To my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, I would humbly ask how we can put other's needs ahead of our own? If I feel like I "need" to go to the beach, then I also need to wear a mask to protect others from any possible exposure I might encounter. If I am taking risks, then I want to protect those around me. I would likely be fine getting Covid, but so many around me might not be.
None of us is getting this perfect. It is so easy to scroll through social media and pick apart what people are doing, especially when you don't know even a quarter of the story. Or if you do know part of the story and disagree with it, as is often the case, it's easy to deride someone in your own mind. But I can't change what that person is doing. I am responsible for me, and my family and our attitudes. Criticism is easy. Leading and making choices and living is much harder.
I want to make choices that take me from being the critic to the questioner. From the screamer to the soother. For me, that's only possible in God's grace, and even then, it's an uphill battle. Especially to my fellow believers in Christ, let's look for ways to lead with love, instead of fear-mongering and twisting of "truth" on all sides. Let's not allow the relational fall-out from Covid be worse than the lives lost. Cheers to loving better and listening more. And just being quiet when we can't be kind.
