BACK TO THE WEIRDEST SCHOOL YEAR EVER

All we parents seem to have talked of for the past month+ is school.  Will you go in person?  Will you go virtually?  Will you homeschool?  So many options, and yet, finding normalcy in the middle of them is not exactly on the table yet.  When school ended abruptly last year, some of us managed better than others.  We learned that virtual learning is not the best plan for the twins, and knowing that there is still so much uncertainty with this coming school year, we made the difficult choice to switch schools.

So, we went from having all four kiddos in one beloved school, to having four kiddos in 3 schools, two of them totally new to us.  I've adjusted to the idea all summer, but now we are learning the ins and outs of executing that plan.  None of that even takes into account the Covid measures that our schools are taking which also change everything.  (As a side note - this is a MASSIVE SHOUT OUT AND THANK YOU to all teachers, staff and administrators.  Y'all are the real MVPs, and I so appreciate everything you are doing to make this work!!!!)

Yesterday, everyone was at school for the first time since March 12th.  And though the drop off situation took almost 2 hours total including forgotten medicine and extra long car lines, it felt really good to drop them all off.

The twins actually started last week, and they are going in person, 5 days a week.  The school we have switched to actually never had to close during the pandemic, because the population they serve does not thrive doing school online.  We needed a pandemic proof school, so this is a match made in heaven.  I have been so pleased at the care and intentionality they have already shown, and so far, though the twins miss their old school, they seem to be doing very well in the new environment.

First Grade

Lily and Bella are doing the blended option for school for the time being.  They'll go in person 2 days a week and virtually 3 days.  Bella is the only one going back into familiar surroundings for 4th grade, and she was SO READY to be back in a classroom setting!  We had a virtual meet and greet with her teacher, who also taught Lily, and so far, it seems to be going well.  We'll see how virtual looks tomorrow.

Lily, bless her heart, has started middle school in the midst of everything.  This has included an outdoor meet and greet for 6th grade girls, but it did not include a tour where we got to walk her schedule.  I basically dropped her off with her classes/teachers/rooms/times printed out and hoped for the best.  She really does seem to be rocking it so far, even though this is a massive change.

We've been trying to celebrate and also pace ourselves.  The beginning of school, especially after a 5 month break, is exhausting.  I realized that I am still traumatized by all this year has contained, and this shift is welcome, though also filled with unknowns.  It's so good to be getting some routine back. It is so nice to have even two days a week in my house where I can think my own thoughts.  I will absolutely take it and be grateful for it and hope that it can last.

Wherever this school year finds you, I hope that you are making the most of it!  We certainly are doing our best.

WALKING THE MINEFIELD OF 2020

I'm exhausted.  You are probably exhausted, too, whoever you are that might be reading this.  This year is on my last nerve, and we just passed the half way mark.  I am not prone to anxiety, and I've felt it creeping in as I contemplate the next six five months (I started writing this at the beginning of the month and am only now finishing it) that include a continuing pandemic and a contentious election.  I spent a little time scrolling Facebook and realized that so many people are screaming, scathing or sarcastic.

I feel it too.  I want to yell and scream about the things that matter to me.  I want to be understood.  I want people to consider that maybe, just maybe, they may be wrong.  This includes myself.  I want to walk this life with humility, understanding that there are a billion things I need to learn about, and I want to be able to change my position as I receive new information.

It feels impossible to get this year right, because so much is still unknown.  And I'm angry about it.  I've been really open about the fact that quarantining just about did our family in.  That said, I understand the continued need to physical distance and use masks.  We are still neck deep in this virus that is probably not going to kill you or me, but the sheer volume of people getting sick and the lack of effective treatments mean that we need to continue to slow it down.

That said, we are working to normalize as much as possible for our children and taking calculated risks.  Our big girls went to camp, and we all went to family camp earlier this summer.  We went to the beach.  We've been taking precautions and using masks and distancing, but I know we are still taking risks.  We can and will distance from anyone in our circle that is more vulnerable.  We want to stop the spread.  But we also must advance our mental health that has suffered greatly this year.

We'll be sending our kiddos to school in the fall, doing a mix of in-person and virtual with the big girls, whatever that looks like, and in-person for the twins who fall into the category of necessitating in-person instruction.  I am praying fervently for our teachers and school administrators who are tasked with something impossible.  None of us have ever done this, and it is certainly not one size fits all.  And I'm prepared for them to come home again if that is what ends up happening as seems highly possible.

I guess as I rant and rave through the minefield that is this year, I hope and pray that we can offer grace to one another and to ourselves.  How can we love each other well during a time that is hard on everyone?  To my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, I would humbly ask how we can put other's needs ahead of our own?  If I feel like I "need" to go to the beach, then I also need to wear a mask to protect others from any possible exposure I might encounter.  If I am taking risks, then I want to protect those around me.  I would likely be fine getting Covid, but so many around me might not be.

None of us is getting this perfect.  It is so easy to scroll through social media and pick apart what people are doing, especially when you don't know even a quarter of the story.  Or if you do know part of the story and disagree with it, as is often the case, it's easy to deride someone in your own mind.  But I can't change what that person is doing.  I am responsible for me, and my family and our attitudes.  Criticism is easy.  Leading and making choices and living is much harder.

I want to make choices that take me from being the critic to the questioner.  From the screamer to the soother.  For me, that's only possible in God's grace, and even then, it's an uphill battle.  Especially to my fellow believers in Christ, let's look for ways to lead with love, instead of fear-mongering and twisting of "truth" on all sides.  Let's not allow the relational fall-out from Covid be worse than the lives lost.  Cheers to loving better and listening more.  And just being quiet when we can't be kind.

QC: TWINS' UNDER THE SEA DRIVE-BY BIRTHDAY

I know it's June July, but I never posted about the twins' birthday party back in April.  Better late than never.  And though this is obviously not the birthday I had had in mind for them, it turned out to be a lot of fun.  Drive by parties really let you maximize balloons, so that was a bonus.  And, the twins loved it and felt celebrated.  Plus there was less overall cleanup.  All in all, drive by parties have some things I might keep in the end, because it was a quick, fun way to make the twins feel special and get to see friends.



As usual, my sister designed the cutest invite for the event, highlighting sharks and mermaids.

The girls and I blew up a BUNCH of balloons.

We had cake with family a couple of days before the party.

And our birthday twins thoroughly enjoyed the day.  We had The Little Mermaid soundtrack going, a bubble machine and snacks to pass out as friends came by.

Of course, our snacks were themed - Goldfish and Swedish Fish.  I also got a cake for us to have after dinner that night, because you can just never have enough cake.

When it's all said and done, I think the twins will have fond memories of this birthday, and for that, I am thankful.

Twins' Past Parties
{Twins' Donut Party}
{Twins Ice Cream Party}
{Twins' Fiesta Fourth}
{Hungry Caterpillar Party}
{Berenstain Bear Party}
{VW Party}

All other Spenst parties here!

QC: WHAT IT'S BEEN LIKE

I haven't blogged much, because surviving was the norm for a while.  I haven't felt like pretending things were okay.  I'm starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel, or at least, I feel like we are turning on lamps and figuring out how to make this new normal work for our family.



The quarantine time has been hard for our family.  (I wrote this post on grief 1.5 weeks in which is almost laughable now, because I thought it was just going to be a matter of some hard weeks. hahahaha)  I heard one person say that we are all in the same storm, but we are all in different boats, and that metaphor resonated with me.  Truthfully, we have a rather nice boat, and I'm so thankful.  And we haven't sunk yet, so there is that.  But, our crew poses some unique challenges, and at times, it has felt like we've had a mutiny on our hands.

I would guess many of us have gained clarity during this time on a great many things in our lives.  I've heard some people welcome the slow down and extra time granted as a family.  What we've realized is that we have worked hard over the past several years to structure our lives in a way that serves our family, and in most ways, that was working well for us.  We had the right amount of activity and most of the support we needed.  Until we didn't.

They say it takes a village to raise kids.  We need a metroplex.

When everything stopped suddenly, we were left pretty bare.  Some kids did fine with the distance learning model, though it was still taxing and not ideal.  Other kiddos struggled mightily to work outside of the classroom.  I, personally, was never meant to be both the parent and the teacher, especially when parenting well takes every bit of me and then some.  When I dropped my kids off for school on March 12th, I had no idea that would be the last time they would all be at the same school.

We've all lost so much, and it feels a little wrapped in trauma for me.  We cannot play the "Loss Olympics," because, collectively, no one's life is what we thought it would be at the beginning of the year.  We lost the end of Lily's elementary school career, and all the closing ceremonies that would have brought with it.  We have LOVED her school experience, and to have it suddenly ripped away was hard.  And we loved each of the teachers the other kids had, and it hurts to not finish the year together.  When I picked up their stuff from school, I drove away sobbing.

It's like there are now two tracks running in my head all of the time.  There is the 2020 we had planned with school and trips and "normal life."  And there is the 2020 we are all living in now full of uncertainty.  What will school look like in the fall?  What sort of travel will be possible when?  Will the numbers keep rising indefinitely?  The specter of the 2020 that never will be sometimes still haunts me.  I think of the things we would have been doing on certain dates, and we now have an all new line up.  With a lot more travel insurance should we need to cancel everything once again.  And we have masks for whenever we go out into public.

It's been a good reminder that our plans are not really ours.  Working to submit myself to the 2020 reality and trusting that it is God's ultimate best for us has been difficult.  It is forcing us to make changes that we wouldn't have made otherwise, and I can see that those will probably be better for our family.  But they are still largely unknown, and I know how good some of what we will give up is.  It's stretching us past breaking points.  We are broken.  And there are no easy fixes, and I don't know which roads to take at each juncture.  That said, we are moving forward, and I am thankful for that.



I feel like I am currently a Grief Scratch and Sniff.  Things can look like they are okay on the outside for a little bit, but if the surfaces gets scratched at all, grief comes out.  I'm still in counseling, and we are continuing to work to get the help we need.  I know that some healing will come with time, but there is also the recognition that this is an extremely hard season.  With no end date.  I know some people have had it much harder and some people much easier - again - this isn't the Loss Olympics, it's just our experience over here.  Speaking of Olympics, there is another thing lost in the vortex of the 2020 that will never be.

There's not a happy wrap up bow to put on all this.  It's the messy middle of it all, and I am praying the Lord will continue to grant us wisdom and grace as we walk this version of 2020.