My natural state is to think that everything is going to be okay and to paint life with a shiny glow. When hard things happen, I often land in denial and then move on past, usually without realizing all that might be going on within me in spite of myself or going through the typical stages of grief. As life wears on and the hard things pile up, I have had to grow the muscles needed to see the pain and engage with it. This has taken a lot of intentionality, and I still struggle with it.
A couple of weeks ago, John and I watched The Dawn Wall documentary on Netflix, which I highly recommend. (warning: does have some bad language) I was struck by so many things while watching. It's the story of a climber who maps out a unique path on the Dawn Wall in Yosemite against all odds. His journey is unexpected in so many ways, and it makes for a compelling watch.
Tommy Caldwell (the featured climber) was developmentally delayed and struggled academically growing up, but his parents found things he was good at. They pushed him and let him fail, which later allowed him to fly. His story is remarkable on several levels, and I'm still thinking about it all these weeks later. Obviously, his endurance and courage, and also his obsession, helped him achieve what most people believed to be impossible. There are other stories woven throughout of friendship and loss and grief and ultimately, of bouncing back.
After watching, I realized that in the face of his early delays and struggles, his parents were still able to help equip him for success later on in life. Now - please hear me say - I believe "success" comes in unique forms for people. Everyone is gifted differently and comes from circumstances all over the board. I also know that God is writing larger stories that may be honoring to his kingdom but may not make a ton of sense down here. I am not at all saying that parents can script success into their kiddos' lives, as much as I wish that were the case.
However, it did make me think about ways to build resiliency into my children, which I do believe will help them as they encounter struggles along the journey. For various reasons, I arrived into early adulthood honestly thinking that life would be pretty easy, and I wasn't prepared for many of the challenges that I would face. My parents did equip me in a myriad of ways, but my natural bent was towards short cuts and wide paths. For different reasons, John arrived into adulthood also lacking some of these resiliency skills.
We've ended up in a life that is beautifully rich, but layered in complexity and difficulty. Oftentimes we've felt overwhelmed by all that is asked of us and the pressure that exists. The last few years have held paring back and building in healthier habits, but that has been the product of intense effort and a lot of professional help. We are learning resiliency as adults. I recognize that as part of the human experience and part of growing up, but we have often wondered what we can do to give our children some of the skills we have wished for along the way.
So I started doing some research - this article is a great starting point! It looks like in some ways we are on the right track, and this gives me some other ideas of things that could be helpful. I would love to hear feedback from others on things that have helped you be resilient or ways that you a building this into your children.
As I walk another path of pain, I am doing the work to make healthy choices, and I am leaning into the strength the Lord provides. I believe we absolutely need both to not only survive, but also to thrive in life, and I want to be able to lead by example for my kiddos.
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