DATE NIGHT GONE WRONG

Life comes at us fast.  I feel like I have a million things that I want to write about right now and too little time to write, but I am choosing to just go in order.  John and I have talked about this post, and I got his permission to share about our evening.  So - let me tell you about one of our worst date nights ever.  It doesn't take the cake, as John reminded me even during it.  But, it was pretty bad, especially since he was comparing it to our worst date ever, which was before we were officially dating when he was having serious questions about whether he wanted to be in a long term relationship with me.  It played out a bit dramatically that night, though we did start officially dating a few days later.  But that's a whole nother story that I don't have time to write.  Moving on.

This weekend had us running to and fro, as fall weekends are apt to do - but - we had a date night planned (loosely planned, since we concocted it sometime on Saturday. . . these are the perks of having a live-in sitter who has some flexibility) for Sunday night.  I was really looking forward to it, because we had had enough things going on, and the fact of the matter is that having four kiddos can be a bit wearing, so any time away with just John feels like a sweet treat.

Sunday evening arrived with a little bit of drama.  The reality is that Bella had been dramatic "all the day," as she would put it.  She was continuing her total lack of wanting to do what I asked and her propensity towards wailing and flailing.  Lily was "picking up" the playroom where she "naps," but it was going very slowly.  As John and I were about to head out the door, ready to go, John decides to head downstairs to help motivate Lily to finish picking up, so that we would not leave a mess for Aunt Rachel.

Things went downhill from there.  What he found is the deep down mess that I have been glossing over for weeks and months.  Lily has gotten into some bad habits down there, which have led to her putting stuff in random places all over the room.  Cleaning it up has sort of meant piling it into slightly neater heaps that are not on the floor.

Now, you must understand that John detests messes.  I don't like them either, but since there are limited time and energy resources, I have let this continue unchecked, to the overall detriment of the playroom's functionality.  However, I was ready to walk out the door.  I was hungry.  I was tired.  I was not hoping to sort through all of our playroom toys and find the best spots for them.

John got a little tunnel visioned, and we spent the next hour picking through randomness, throwing things away and organizing toys.

Ya'll.  By the end of it, I was close to tears.  I was angry with John, I was irritated with Lily and I really didn't want to mess with any of it.  I was done.

So, then we left for our date.  Perfect start to the evening.  The tension was pretty thick once we got into the car.  He asked, "What do we need to do to be able to move forward and enjoy some of our evening?"  I wasn't sure.

And then, it all started coming out.  We had been ready to go.  Having four kids is hard work.  I feel like a failure when you come behind me to clean up the messes our kids make, because I want for things to be clean, but I clearly haven't prioritized it.  I can't do everything I want to do.  I can't do everything I should do.  I feel overwhelmed.  I am hungry.

By the time we got to the restaurant parking lot, I was sobbing.  Which actually felt pretty good, and I think it was just what I needed.  John graciously apologized for the poor timing of the playroom pickup.  I kept crying.  I cried for quite a while in the Mellow Mushroom parking lot.  I did manage to pull it together, because, as I mentioned before, I was hungry.  It was 7:20 by this time, and I do not function well with low blood sugar.

The hostess looked a little askance at me as if to say, "That poor bedraggled girl.  She looks like she's been crying in the parking lot.  I should seat her in a low light section."  We got food.  We started laughing about it all.  We had serious talks about priorities and what I can and cannot do in life right now.  We enjoyed being together.  My pizza was really good.  We headed to Target (cause we are super cool), and I got a new purse that has never been filled with Diet Dr. Pepper or had CFA sauce bust open in it.  It turned out all right.



It all got me thinking.  Our playroom really was rather disastrous underneath it all.  We had given our girls the good gifts of a place to play and toys, and they had made a serious mess of things.  They were not taking care of the gifts or using them in the ways we intended.  Since I had an angry hour to think while sorting through stuff, and I didn't trust myself to say nice things if I spoke, I did realize in the midst of all of it that this is exactly what we have done to the things God gives us.

He gives us good gifts all the time, and things are intended to be used a certain way, but we are always and forever distorting those things.  He gave us drugs to help heal our bodies - we made meth.  He gave us sex to connect us to our spouses - we made porn.  He gave us money and resources - we made them into idols of materialism.  We are constantly using things inappropriately and hoping for the best.  Hoping that we get an a-okay to just continue on in the mess.

And while I would never ever not ever even a little bit want to use another date night to pick up our playroom, I hope that I don't let things go as long in my heart and life without addressing them.  It's so easy for me to create idols that I don't even realize are there until something happens to reveal them.  I didn't realize the ways all the stresses that I have (some healthy, some not as much so) were affecting me.  I've made idols out of productivity and achievement, and I needed to have a breaking point to be able to talk through with John what things I need to re-evaluate and wait for the Lord's timing and direction on.

Our night that had a very rocky start and a great middle ended with John helping me to finish sorting out all the kids clothing.  Because he really does love me, and I desperately needed the moral support.  And I am pleased to report that all clothing has found its new seasonal home.  I am also pleased to report that our playroom is in much better shape than it has been, and I think my heart is close behind.

BEHIND THE FALL SCENES

While I decorated for Fall, the rest of my peeps were in full effect.  Lily was particularly enthused about the decorating process and insisted on helping at every turn.  It was so sweet, and it's turning out that she has an eye for things, which I not so secretly love.

She also really loves pumpkins.



Bella came out dressed in her Tangled dress.  She loves to kiss things, including pumpkins.  I hope that pumpkin doesn't get impetigo.  I think that Bella might have been the carrier that infected William with her constant open-mouth kisses to the head.  I could be wrong, though.



Violet was fussing, so I carried her around with me and set her down to watch.  She is turning out to be the smiliest little thing and just grins when you look at her and talk to her.  Her big smile scrunches up her whole face, which is so precious.



William slept through much of the decorating, which may be a coping mechanism for living in a house with a lot of girls.



When John got home, we migrated outside to enjoy the beautiful evening.

We all marveled at how big and amazing this spider web was.



And now it's Friday.  This week has had me thinking deep thoughts, and I've had emotions close to the surface.  I haven't had the energy to process any of it, but maybe next week or next month or next year, I will.  I think when things are just slow enough, my brain starts to try to take in all that this year has brought our family.  It is so full and so joyous and so bittersweet.

On that enigmatic note, I will say, Happy Weekend!  I hope that it is full of fall fun, faithful friends and festive food.  That last sentence was brought to you by the letter F.  Farewell - I'm off to go organize more kids clothes.

FALL-IFYING OUR HOME: A MINI TOUR

This week has been full of doing things that need to be done, which in general are my least favorite kinds of things to do.  Caught up on bills.  Finally went through all my cookie receipts and invoices.  Got a bank account.  Started on my least favorite job of all time - sorting the kids' clothes for the season change.

In the midst of those (less fun) things, I have allowed the one major fun thing of fall-ifying the house.  Fall is such a fun, transforming season.  This year, I used mostly stuff I had and bought fresh pumpkins and gourds.  So, I pretty much threw apothecary jars, pumpkins and burlap together and called it good.

Here's a mini-fall tour of our house!

I just love pumpkin towers.  Lily said they were like snowmen, but pumpkins.  Well said, my little friend.  Lily and Bella keep asking me, as in - several times a day, when we are going to "Pick Pumpkins."  That is what they call going to the pumpkin patch.  I keep explaining that it will probably be a while, and Lily will say, "So after nap?"  Time is so hard to grasp.

This may be my favorite thrown together fall look yet.  Hope that you are enjoying the start of this festive season!  I know we are at my house.

LIVING UP TO SOMETHING

In the past couple of months, two separate people that I respect who are in a place of leadership in my life told me the same thing.

"You are intentional."

These women would never have compared notes on this and are in two separate contexts in my life, so it struck me as sort of amazing that they would have said the same thing to me, about me.

"You are intentional."

As I thought about it, I realized that that could be a defining characteristic.  I think a lot about what I do, and I try to follow through on things I think I should do.  I plan for them and try to make them happen, and usually I have a reason behind the things I am doing.  But just them saying that to me made me want to be even more intentional.  I want to live up to one of the things they chose to remark on in my life, and I want to make it even more true.

It showed me the power of speaking things into people's lives.  Especially my children.

This semester, in my women's group, we are going through The Christian Parenting Handbook.  So far, I have really loved it.  It has little chapters chalked full of wisdom nuggets for me to grasp onto during this time of life.  One of the chapters from this past week was about helping your kids see how positive character traits they have could play out well for them in the future.

I can see that Lily is endlessly creative and can be so helpful.  I want to nurture those things inside her heart and help her to see what talents God has uniquely gifted her with.

I can see that Bella is naturally loving and already a fantastic conversationalist.  What a treasure those gifts will be to the world around her, and one of my jobs will be helping her to see those things and grow them inside of herself.

I am starting to see glimpses of what sweet gifts Violet and William will have.  Violet is very attuned to the people around her, and William is so joyful.  I never cease to be amazed at how God creates such different profiles in each person that all work in harmony to reflect the myriad facets of God when we are functioning inside his grace.



Our speaker at Bloom challenged us to really SEE our children this week, and I want to be looking for the positive traits they each bring to life and encourage those inside of them.  It will take more of me listening.  More of me paying close attention.  More of me watching.  More of me praying that God will show himself to me through my kids and guide me in my words to them.

I want to give my children something to live up to.