A FEW THINGS I WANT TO REMEMBER

The days are long and the years are short.

This saying is oh so true in my life, and while some days I feel like I am stranded in toddler twin purgatory, I know it will not always be so.  Here are a few scenes from this weekend that I don't want to forget.

Could be titled, "Little Hands Make More Work."  But - she loves being near me and helping in any way she can!

This sweet boy loves to "love on" every picture of an animal he finds in any book.  It's pretty much the most precious thing ever.

Often, when given the chance, all the kiddos can be found together in our home.  This time, Fruit Loops on the floor gave them a great reason to gather.  Side note - my floors are a constant disaster.

She lost tooth number Two!  She pulled it out by herself with no flinching.  Pretty wild to watch.

During "nap" time, these girls created quite a scene together.  I do love their creativity hard at work!

I want to always remember that spring sunshine does come.  Even when the winter feels long.

Oldest and youngest giving hugs.  She kept chasing him as he shrieked with delight.  The girls love the twins so very well.

Tableaus like this are the norm, and I love it. 

Date nights are well worth the time.  We have decided that during this intense season, we will shoot to have a date night about once a week.  So far, that has been an excellent plan.  Last night we really enjoyed Lost Forty - the Bread and Butter plate was my favorite!  I'd go back just for that.

Hope your weekend had at least a few memorable moments!

REAL LOVE

By now you have probably heard about the OU SAE Fraternity scandal involving members chanting horrific racial slurs on the way to an event.  It was to the tune of "If You're Happy and You Know It," which only made it more disturbing.  The whole thing honestly made me nauseous to watch and realize that people actually thought it was funny in that moment or ever.  There is still so much hatred and ignorance in the world related to so many things and clearly towards race in our country specifically.

As John and I have wrestled through this, we've been encouraged by the overall sense of outrage.  It is nice to know that at an institutional level this particular incident has been dealt with and the university is making strides to change the issues they face on campus.  That said, it is depressing all over again to be reminded of the darkness hiding in the hearts of people - because though those students were not planning to actually lynch someone (I don't think) - the idea that they could make light of it on any level is sickening.

Another piece of this puzzle that is becoming more frustrating is seeing people that keep saying that this entire racism narrative is overblown and/or a political agenda.  Obviously there are political agendas and most major news sources have one bias or another.  We all have biases.  We come pre-programmed from our life's experiences and carry that baggage into the world.  Often it is hard to even realize how entrenched we are in certain viewpoints unless there is a lot of examination and introspection.

I've been amazed by the prejudices that I hold.  Amazed and at times ashamed.  It is easy to paint large groups of people with large brush strokes - especially if you are not interacting with them very often.

When I look at all of this, I wonder what in the world I could possibly do to make a difference not only in the race conversation, but also in the great socio-economic divide.  Both feel big, overwhelming and out of my influence - and on a grand scale, they are.  However, I can do my part by loving people in my corner of the world and encouraging them to do the same.

What does this actually mean?

For now, I'm going to listen.  I'm going to read - even things I think I may not agree with.  Because at the end of the day - who am I to counter actual experiences?  I want to love people and meet them where they are.  Which means that I need to move towards them.  I do not want to have expectations that people will meet some magical standard in my head of what they should do or be.  That is not real love.

Yesterday I came across this Samsung ad that left me in tears.  I am a giant softie and easily moved by advertising, and crying during commercials is not uncommon for me.  But - the more I thought about this, the more I loved the concept.  This community learned some basic sign language to be able to give a hearing-impaired man a great day.  Random people were signing to him, and his amazement grows throughout the experiment.



Obviously I know this is all for an ad and designed to help generate revenue for Samsung.  However, there is a message here that can be inspiring.  What if we really did meet people where they were?  I'm not just talking race - I'm talking anyone that is different than we are.  What if we tried to really understand where they were coming from and made an effort to communicate in a way that would truly speak to them?

After all - it is what Jesus did for us.  He didn't expect us to understand who he was without putting on our skin and living on our earth.  Real love listens.  Real love moves.  It lays down its own rights, biases and experiences and looks only at others.  It is counter-cultural and not at all intuitive.  BUT - I think it is what we are called to.

(All of that said - I don't think its easy.  I'm a work in progress at best.  And not even trying at worst.  I need more Jesus, always.)

WEEKEND: HIGHS & LOWS

Today we are back at routine and looking ahead to what should be a *normal* week.  Meaning anything could happen at any time to throw this off, but for now, things seem to be moving ahead with no major hitches.  Fingers crossed on that one.  #pleasenomoresnow

I am feeling surprisingly light today.  As if there might be light at the end of the gloomy winter tunnel, and I could sure use some light.  Here are a few of our highs and lows from this weekend.

High:  Saturday brought sunshine.  Good for my shriveled soul.

High:  Lily and Bella did awesome playing together so much of the days on end that we had together.  I'm so thankful that they get along so well.

Things overheard between them recently:
     - They have an imaginary friend named "Mr. Hmm Hmm" who mostly rides in the car with us and gets buckled between them.
     - Our babysitter overheard Lily telling Bella that Dr. Suess and the Cat in the Hat are the same person, just like God and Jesus are the same person.  Our theology might need a little work.
     - Bella: Eagles are dangerous.  Lily: No, Bella.  Eagles are not dangerous.  They fly around and protect America.
     - Today Bella told me that Lily was going to beat her to "a Dolt."  But that she was going to beat the babies to "a Dolt," because she's FOUR and they are not even two yet.

They asked me to take this picture and held the grapes up between them so they would know what was in their mouths later on.  Four and Six are such fun ages.



Low:  I reached a low point on Saturday afternoon that culminated in a sobbing break down.  Twins that are almost two may just undo me.  There are a lot of needs at our house, and we've had a lot of togetherness.  After crying a bit, with children looking at me quizzically, and crying out to God for his strength, I was able to pick myself up off the floor and keep going.

High: Visit from Gran Gran - it had been way too long!  William loves to love on all animals.  In fact, he brings me books - not to listen to the story, but to have me flip through them and find the animals.  Then, he leans his face in to "hug" the animal on the page.  It's pretty precious.

High:  Eating out.  We eat at a Mexican restaurant near our house about once a week.  John and I have been splitting fajitas for as many years as we have been together, and it's such a tasty, cheap, comfortable meal that our kiddos now love as well.  We add a sliced avocado, white queso and three cheese quesadillas to round it out for us all.  And a cup of limes, por favor.



High:  Laughter.  It feels like we've been short of laughter lately, and I seem to require quite a bit to function at a high level.  This weekend I saw hints of it returning, and I am so thankful.



Low:  We decided to go to a winter festival - Lanterns - and our family made the grave error of listening to the website that said we should take the trolley.  NEVER again.  We had a feeling we weren't made of the trolley, what with our double stroller and children who wander.  But, we also saw a long line of cars turning towards the festival and thought the trolley wouldn't be that bad.  After 30 minutes in line, we were woefully committed.



To be totally honest, the kids did much better than the parents.  We were agitated with our poor choice and frustrated by the long lines.  By the time we got to the festival and met up with some friends in Mexico, I had no heart to enjoy the Mariachi band screeching through the speakers.  It required a major attitude adjustment.

High:  We really did enjoy Lanterns once we settled in.  Our children did awesome, even when we kept them up late and had to ride the trolley back.  All in all, it was a great night with friends, and the weather was decent considering the week we'd had.




There was a unicorn that entranced the girls, though Lily did pull me aside later to whisper that she knew it wasn't a real unicorn.



There were lots of bubbles.

There was hula hooping which entertained all children for much longer than you might imagine.  Violet is a born dancer, and she starts moving along the moment music plays anywhere.  I've never seen anything like it.

Seeing the fire eater in "Ireland" was pretty amazing!

And - we got to hang out with these cool cats.  A good night all around.

High: We actually rested on Sunday, which was amazing.  There were long naps and very little work involved - both of which will go a long way to prepping us for a better week.

Low:  Springing forward always feels a little strange.  Suddenly we are waking up to darker skies and confused children.  BUT- those children are sleeping later for the moment, so I am not complaining much!

I hope that your weekend brought light and rest.  And - even if it didn't - know that God is for you, and there is light out there - even if you can't see it just yet.  Happy Monday.

WHEN GOD SEEMS LATE: FINDING LAMBIE

Meet Lambie.  This is Lily's stuffed animal that she has had since she was a newborn.  When she took to it so well, we had her grandmother purchase a second one so that if we ever lost Lambie, we would have a spare.  However, no spare would ever be able to replace this Lambie now.  She has literally been all over the world, traveling to both Italy and Myanmar with us and Lily.  She often goes to school in Lily's backpack.  She goes on all road trips.  She sleeps with Lily every night.  It's hard to imagine life without Lambie.

But - a few short days ago, we were faced with just that dire situation.  Lambie was lost.  She had not been located, and the days began to drag on.  I was sure we would find her, but after a family search of the house and car, she still didn't turn up.

With hesitation in my heart, I asked if Lily wanted to pray and ask God if he would help us to find Lambie.  "Why the hesitation?" you might ask.  Well.  We can ask God for things, but that doesn't mean things will turn out the way we want them to.  It's a hard lesson, but a true one.

I know God is good.  I know he is all-powerful.  I know I can trust him.  I know all of this with my head and usually with my heart.  BUT - that doesn't mean it always looks the way that I think it should.  And I didn't want Lily to feel let down by God.  It would be hard to explain why Lambie might not show up and how God is still good in that.  I don't want to hide that reality, but it is complex.

Lily told me that she had already prayed to God that morning about Lambie, and we joined her in prayer for Lambie's safe discovery at lunch.  Still, Lambie was not located.

Was God going to start teaching Lily so young about how we will not always understand how he works?  Was I going to have to learn that lesson again?  When he is the all-powerful God of the universe, it's hard to know why he doesn't show up and fix everything just the way we think it should be.

I'm going to be honest here.  Sometimes it feels like God is late.  I look around and think, "We could really use a break around here."  Something good and not hard.  Or - I think back to when I begged God for my dad to be healed, and he died anyway.  That felt like a low blow.  I could go on and on, because life is chock full of disappointment and suffering.  It just is.

We discussed this at length in our D-group a couple of weeks ago in light of the passage in John when Jesus allowed Lazarus to die knowing that he was going to raise him from the dead.  (John 11)  He showed up late to the party, but he knew what he was doing.  He had a bigger plan, and it was intended for the glory of God.

I'm having to preach this to myself again during some of these long days - God has a bigger plan.  He knows what we need.  He is working things for his glory and our good.  I can trust him.  He might seem late, but that's because I don't know the full story.  I will never know the full story on this side of heaven.  I just won't.  This life is but a blink, and my finite mind will not be able to fathom the whys and hows of God mysterious ways.

In God's great graciousness, Lambie was located resting peacefully on the swing on our basement back porch.  I honestly don't know how we missed her there the first couple of searches, but I went down for something else and happened to glance out the window where Lambie was reposing in plain sight.  It is fun to see Lily's faith strengthened by this.  I know God knows what Lily needs more than I do, and it was thrilling to see this simple answered prayer.

We can trust him.  He is good.  He knows what we need, and apparently, Lily still needs Lambie.