ON LOSING HOPE (OUR CAT)

There are a lot of things I could have titled this post that play on the fact that our cat's name was Hope and that Hope is now dead.  I certainly didn't think of this when I named the cat in the first place, but in the last place, it is sort of funny.  Hope was just shy of turning 12, and she was gifted to me by John on the very first Christmas that we were dating in 2003.  He was a brave and wonderful boyfriend.

(that is one of the tassels from John's graduation regalia.  from undergrad - Hope went way back.)

I named her Hope, because she had an H on one of her soft calico sides, and because I needed hope.  My dad had passed away months earlier, and I was trying to figure out how to go on.  Hope became my sweet little companion who slept next to me so many nights of the last 12 years.  She grew up with John and I and followed us so many places.




We were all babies together.  John and I learned how to take care of something together as Hope was shuttled between our homes in the very earliest of days before we were married.  We tackled fleas and worms and minor surgery (spaying) and faced my own psychotic fears of getting her declawed after doing internet research about it (almost always the worst idea) and it all being completely fine.  It really was good practice for parenting, with much lower stakes.

When we settled in Little Rock and welcomed another little kitty into our home, Hope eventually warmed completely to Francie, and they were best buddies.




Hope didn't have the most welcoming persona to strangers, but she loved her people well (mostly me).  She tolerated our children and let them love on her.  If she didn't like it, she got up and left, which was totally her prerogative, and I couldn't blame her.  But often, she just stayed and liked to be near the action, if not apart of it.  Our children loved her very much.

(This is Bella showing how she and Hope have the same color blonde in places.)

Hope had a rapid and unexpected decline over the last month, and after several visits and a round of medications, the vet eventually concluded that it was very likely cancer.  We opted not to do surgery or chemo/radiation.  On Sunday night it became clear to me that she was not doing very well and after a last vet consultation on Monday afternoon, we made the decision to put her to sleep today.  We wanted a little time to say goodbye and prep the kiddos for what was happening.

I've been so sad this week and shed tons of tears, but I was glad to know the time we had and be able to enjoy it.  Lily has taken it hard, randomly breaking into tears and saying "Kitty!" and "I'm going to miss her."  It's meant a lot of talking about death and Heaven and what happens after we die.  We've been very up front with the girls, and I've been thankful for the questions and honesty and grieving together.

Our family and friends have been oh so gracious and kind this week, and I have really appreciated it. In some ways, it feels trivial to be this upset over the death of a cat.  But, she has been more than just a cat in my little world.  She's been my fur-friend, and she's seen so much of my life in the last 12 years and has never stopped loving me.  Pets are magnificent in their open-hearted, unblinking loyalty and love, and she always purred for me, even at the end.  She wanted to be near me no matter what.


(She was not supposed to be up on the hutch, but she looked so happy there, I decided to leave her.)

John and I took her to the vet's office this afternoon as I held her and wept.  It really is a family rite of passage to lose our first pet.  It feels like another stone on our path of togetherness, and John was so incredibly kind and gracious with me every step of the way.  We both shed tears sitting there petting her.  It was hard and certainly not flawless at the end, but I'm glad that she is no longer sick and suffering.  She was a good cat, and I'm so thankful for the comfort that she brought me in so many moments of the last 12 years.  She will be missed by us all.

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL 2015

Our first day of first grade is in the books.  When I woke Lily up, it was clear that sleeping in had been the norm for her and today was a bit of a rude awakening.  She did recover from the rocky start and got all ready for school.  This year, the school district opened up the uniform policy to include polo shirts of any color, and Lily chose purple for her first day.

This was actually her second round of pictures, because the first one was taken with her skirt backwards.  After remedying that, we headed to school where I walked her inside.  She immediately asked to play Lincoln Logs with the other kids and made herself at home.





Being the shameless suck up that I am, I brought cookies for the teacher.  I can't imagine how difficult teaching is, and I want to do whatever I can to bring a little fun to the big day.  As I left the room, I did tear up a bit, but nothing like last year when I went to the "Boo-hoo Breakfast" and actually boo-hooed.



Lily says that she had a great day.  She doesn't spill details easily, so I have to pry gently and step back when she is clearly tired of interrogation.  I let the kiddos have some screen time after school to detox a bit from all the stimulus.

We went out to dinner at Cracker Barrel to celebrate a great first day.



Here's hoping and praying for a great year!

MEET THE TEACHER NIGHT & OPEN HANDS

At our school, we don't find out who our child's teacher is until the Friday night before school starts.  Then, we all gather anxiously outside until the doors open at 5:30.  We are ushered in and immediately try to locate the list.  The list that has everyone's name matched with their teacher's name beside it.  Thankfully, they post a bunch of these lists around, so it isn't too crazy.

Okay, it's a little crazy.  But, we just roll with it.  I truly do love our school, so I don't mind the bit of chaos that comes with Meet the Teacher night.  That said, I know it will only get more chaotic from here since I will have two kids next year and then four kids two years after that.

It was a little bizarre to actually have a clue about what was going on and where to go since I am a big first grade mom now.  I didn't cry at all as we walked the now familiar halls, unlike last year.  We found Lily's new class room and her desk, and we dropped off all her supplies.  We met her teacher and acquainted ourselves with her new environment.

We saw people we knew, and Lily has several friends in her class from last year, which is always nice.  We left pretty quickly and headed to shop for a few last minute supplies and some "helping hands" for our new teacher.  We also got ice cream, because a new first grader *needs* to have ice cream before dinner.




I'm excited about the new school year.  Really, I am.  But as we drove home that night, it occurred to me that I am grieving at the same time.  I LOVED Lily's kindergarten teacher, and while it is possible/likely that I will LOVE Lily's new teacher - I don't know her yet.  It dawned on me that we will do this every year, and I will have to take new people into my heart.  I guess I am still new at this elementary school thing after all, and I know that I will get used to it.  But just now, I don't feel like getting used to it.

It's a reminder that I have to walk through life with open hands and trust that God knows what he's doing, especially with my children.  As much as I would love for Lily's kindergarten teacher to teach her every year from now until forever and all my other children too, that is not the best thing for any of them (probably).  God actually does know best.  And it's my job to pray and be willing to open my hands and heart to the new people and experiences that lie ahead.  I know there will be good and bad, but I also know that he will use those circumstances to shape us all and to glorify himself.

Tomorrow is the big first day of school.  Getting up and out the door is going to be a bear- especially since I haven't been out of bed before 9 for the past two days.  But we are ready, mostly.  And it will be good - with open hands and open hearts we look forward to this new year.

BRANSON TRIP: HIGHS & LOWS, PART TWO

We had a great time in Branson - here are the rest of our highs and lows.  (Part One, here)

High:  We could walk right down to the pool from our cabin which was oh so handy and oh so fun.

High:  We ate every dinner on the back porch.  There was plenty of seating, and our weather was unexpectedly wonderful.




Low:  On Wednesday morning, I told Bella she could go in and get the twins out of their pack n plays.  She ran back into my room and said, "I am not going to get Violet.  She threw poop everywhere."  I got out of bed pretty quickly with that bad report.  There was poop everywhere.  All over someone else's stuff, though, thankfully, V was in our pack n play and not the borrowed one.  The bath and overall poop clean up set back our leave time and made for a rather unpleasant morning.

Low:  We did get out the door eventually, but when we got close(ish) to Silver Dollar City, the line of cars was insane.  Like, it took us about 45 minutes to get to the parking lot.  Good thing everyone in our car took that well.  (sarcasm font)  We went through a lot of snacks and drinks just trying to get to the park.  The lines of humans waiting to get into the park were also pretty intense.  At the last place, William was screaming, and I was near tears from the sheer stress of it all.  I wanted to flip off the people around us, especially some of the people in front of us.  By the grace of God, I refrained.  We made it into the park, but I was extremely flustered by the time we did.

High:  We all calmed down a bit and got our bearings once we got all the way into SDC.  Our kiddos genuinely love it, and seeing their love for it makes me love it too.  We had a great day with many great moments.


(William was not exactly excited about his first ride.)

We realized that as a general rule, we tend to value the great memories over the realities of the present.  There were plenty of whiny, hot, hungry, thirsty moments.  I about lost my mind all over again when it came time to stand in line for lunch.  My sweet sister kept me sane.  But, when I look back at the pictures, I think about how great the day was.  I'm so thankful for the time we had there with our dear people.

High:  "On our way" home, we stopped in Siloam Springs.  It's actually two hours out of the way, but we got to get pictures done by Uncle Luke at Main Street Studios.  The kiddos mostly did pretty well, and I can't wait to see the way the pictures come out.  

(Luke also took a picture of John and I in front of this new mural!  Siloam is so dear to us after meeting and marrying there.)

And, we got to see cousins one last time.  Violet sure loves her some baby Hutch.

Low:  We had an awful lot of screaming on the way home.  Like, hours of it.  

High:  John and I actually responded pretty decently to all of the screaming.  We attribute this to a couple of things.  1)  Our expectations are at rock bottom, so there was no gap between expectations and reality to be disappointed by.  2)  We have learned helplessness.

Now we are home and trying to regroup for the start of school in two days.  Can't even believe it.  Hope your weekend is going well.