BLACK LIVES STILL MATTER

 I haven't blogged much this year, because I've mostly been surviving.  It's been a disappointing year on so many fronts, but nearing the top of the list for me has to be watching evangelical Christians become politically zealous in ways that seem not to honor the Lord.  This was distressing to me in the run up to the 2016 election as well, and it has continued in fervor and depth.  Social media in particular has felt like a dumpster fire of opinions, and I've watched in sadness as I've seen believers place a political leaning over grace, kindness, love, truth, empathy, compassion, and the list goes on.  Not only that, but many believers have done this using the Bible as a justification and a weapon.

I grew up as a conservative Evangelical Christian.  I understand the talking points and culture.  I used to believe that all Christians should have the same political beliefs, because of conservative values and pro-life and small government and so on.  The older I've gotten and the more of life that I've seen, the more I see that there are other perspectives that can ring true even inside of my faith.  My faith has continued to deepen, because my need for Christ remains constant.  I am more convinced than ever of my own depravity and shortcomings and blind spots and the ways that all of those play out as I seek to apply faith to politics.

A large part of this journey has come through our personal interactions with social justice issues, particularly racial justice.  (Here's a blog post I wrote about this in June)  As I've mentioned, this whole season has been difficult, and watching Americans disagree vociferously on the history of our country and the bearing that history has on our present has felt like we are living in some kind of twilight zone.  We, as Americans, oppressed and enslaved people for centuries, almost exclusively on the basis of race.  The idea of that leaving no legacy in the present is truly baffling.  Our current laws were passed within the lifetime of many people who are still very much alive.  

Even more disappointingly is the more recent learnings that I've had regarding the Church and the ways it has upheld these systems of oppression over time.  I read The Color of Compromise this summer which was an eye opening look at the way southern Christians used the Bible to justify slavery and kept using it to bolster segregation.  It feels that we are now witnessing the next phase where Christians are using it to denounce racial justice initiatives as anti-Biblical or Marxist.  Or to simply say that it is unAmerican and disrespectful for people to be upset in a country where they have so much.  There seems to be no protest that can please white Americans, and that is sort of the point.  It is a protest.

Listen, I love America and am so thankful to live here.  Truly.  However, I'm not going to put our country or flag above my allegiance to Christ and his kingdom.  I am called to love God and love my neighbors first and foremost.  And my Black neighbors are crying out and lamenting injustice.  I love America enough to want to make it actually a place that is good for all people that live here.  I believe that means fully recognizing and embracing our incredibly racist roots and working to upend the places where those seeds still grow and flourish.  As a side note, I am not a Socialist/Marxist/Communist.  We own a family business and appreciate Capitalism.  However, none of the good things we have here are without flaws.

I understand that many Christians are afraid.  Because they keep saying they are scared or they keep encouraging others to be afraid if such and such doesn't happen or so and so doesn't get elected.  So much has happened in the past year, and so much of it is confusing.  There is hypocrisy on all sides, and it is difficult to know where to find "unbiased" reporting in our country, because most major news outlets have very specific slants.  Even when they claim otherwise.  Anytime I find myself dwelling on fear, I try to center myself on Christ and the fact that this world is ultimately not my home.  I am found in him, and even if all else falls apart completely, I am not lost.

Our family does happen to be transracial, and so it is personal to us.  When we say Black Lives Matter, we are saying that our black kids matter just as much as our white kids, even though that has consistently been up for debate in society.  I will say it today and tomorrow and years from now if necessary to work to right the wrongs that have taken place here.  We can embrace a movement while also knowing it is flawed, because we are all broken people working within broken systems.  It is easier to debate theories than to engage in the work of dismantling systems or do the work it takes to recognize how racism has undergirded our society.

I'm not saying this is easy or straightforward.  It is exhausting.  But I believe it is holy work, and I am thankful that the Lord continues to show up as we walk this journey.  It has forced me to really examine policies and issues in different ways.  For example, I have always and will continue to identify as Pro-Life.  I believe that advocating for increased racial awareness for me comes out of that sentiment.  I heard someone say "Womb to Tomb" and thought that a helpful way to sum it up.  That said, I believe that reducing abortions can come about with several different kinds of policies and that there should be more conversations about birth control access and healthcare reform, both of which have been proven to decrease unwanted pregnancies and abortion.  I wish that we could have discussions that take a more holistic look at what is happening rather than demonizing anyone who doesn't agree exactly with us or do exactly as we would prescribe.

I write all of this humbly, knowing that I have blindspots that I haven't even discovered yet.  I am in process and working to submit myself before the Lord as I wrestle through these issues.  I know this post will hit people in a lot of different ways, and I ask for grace on all sides, because I know that so many of us are working to find our way through this.  We all come to situations with a unique blend of conviction, personality, and personal experience, and this is where I am currently landing based on those things in my life.  I do hope as Christians that we can find ways to respect one another and disagree graciously, because the world is watching.  And if we don't have love, then we don't have anything.

PUMPKIN PATCH 2020

 We made it to the Pumpkin Patch this year, which feels like a small miracle.  In a year when no tradition or joy remains untouched, we eeked out this fall pleasure.  It was the most beautiful of fall days, and we arrived to a crowded parking lot.  Having read ahead that masks were required, I was very curious as to how it would all be handled, but it being entirely outdoors put me more at ease.  Mostly, it felt like people were complying and working to make this work for everyone.  The pumpkin patch had hired a lot more people to make things run smoothly, which definitely helped.  And the patch was full of pumpkins ready for picking.

We let the kids play on the playground and visit the animals and generally run around having fun, which always feels like a parental win.  Let's wear them out with delight and funnel cake.

There was a train ride and a pony ride and a sunflower field, and with so many other things being a no-go this fall, we said more YES than we normally would have.

And it was good.  With our family, there are few outings that go unscathed by some kind of outburst or incident.  But it was as if the weather and the fall festivities wove some magic over the children who got along and worked together and enjoyed what was on offer.  We never take for granted these times and are so thankful when we get to enjoy something wholeheartedly.

It was a good day, and it was a good reminder that not all is lost.  We are climbing out of a hole from what all this year has cost us, and still at times, it feels as if the hole is filling back up with sand as we try to escape.  But, days like yesterday show me that we *might* be making progress.  The ship is beginning to right itself.  There is a ramp out of the pit, even if it is still a long way to get out of it.  

So that's us.  Enjoying pumpkin patches and clawing our way out of a pit. 🤷🏻‍♀️

The Pumpkin Patch is deeply ingrained in our family - here are past visits!

{2019} {2018} {2017} {2016} {2015} {2014} {2013} {2012} {2011}

FAMILY CAMP 2020

Obviously, this year has been upended, and nothing has looked the way we thought it would.  When we were canceling things off our summer calendar, it felt super depressing.  We were in a dark place in May as a family, and we knew we needed something to look forward to.  We realized that Kanakuk was still opening their doors, and we made the decision to head up to Branson in June.



We went last year to K-Kauai and had a great time but hadn't planned to be back until 2021.  But once we saw that it was open and saw the precautions they were taking, it seemed like a risk we needed to take.  And I am so glad that we did.  Everything right now is a risk/reward proposition, and for us, the reward outweighed the risks.

The week's theme was Mahalo, which felt super appropriate.  It turned out to be a wonderful week where Covid obviously played a role but was not on center stage.  There were fewer families than normal, and they adjusted the schedule, spaced everything out and moved even more things outside.  Our kiddos had the time of their lives - especially after having been mostly cooped up for the months before.

There were treats by the pool everyday, excellent counselors pouring into our kids every morning and even a couple of date nights, which had been such a rarity in our world at that point.  Basically, we had a lot of freedom to enjoy being together in a new environment.

There were still themed party nights, though I didn't have the time or energy to go as all out on costuming this year.

All in all, it was a great week, though we did go ahead and upgrade for next year to the larger/more room option, because we do not thrive all in one room together.  I'm so thankful for camp being open and the ways they ministered to our family during a difficult season.

BACK TO THE WEIRDEST SCHOOL YEAR EVER

All we parents seem to have talked of for the past month+ is school.  Will you go in person?  Will you go virtually?  Will you homeschool?  So many options, and yet, finding normalcy in the middle of them is not exactly on the table yet.  When school ended abruptly last year, some of us managed better than others.  We learned that virtual learning is not the best plan for the twins, and knowing that there is still so much uncertainty with this coming school year, we made the difficult choice to switch schools.

So, we went from having all four kiddos in one beloved school, to having four kiddos in 3 schools, two of them totally new to us.  I've adjusted to the idea all summer, but now we are learning the ins and outs of executing that plan.  None of that even takes into account the Covid measures that our schools are taking which also change everything.  (As a side note - this is a MASSIVE SHOUT OUT AND THANK YOU to all teachers, staff and administrators.  Y'all are the real MVPs, and I so appreciate everything you are doing to make this work!!!!)

Yesterday, everyone was at school for the first time since March 12th.  And though the drop off situation took almost 2 hours total including forgotten medicine and extra long car lines, it felt really good to drop them all off.

The twins actually started last week, and they are going in person, 5 days a week.  The school we have switched to actually never had to close during the pandemic, because the population they serve does not thrive doing school online.  We needed a pandemic proof school, so this is a match made in heaven.  I have been so pleased at the care and intentionality they have already shown, and so far, though the twins miss their old school, they seem to be doing very well in the new environment.

First Grade

Lily and Bella are doing the blended option for school for the time being.  They'll go in person 2 days a week and virtually 3 days.  Bella is the only one going back into familiar surroundings for 4th grade, and she was SO READY to be back in a classroom setting!  We had a virtual meet and greet with her teacher, who also taught Lily, and so far, it seems to be going well.  We'll see how virtual looks tomorrow.

Lily, bless her heart, has started middle school in the midst of everything.  This has included an outdoor meet and greet for 6th grade girls, but it did not include a tour where we got to walk her schedule.  I basically dropped her off with her classes/teachers/rooms/times printed out and hoped for the best.  She really does seem to be rocking it so far, even though this is a massive change.

We've been trying to celebrate and also pace ourselves.  The beginning of school, especially after a 5 month break, is exhausting.  I realized that I am still traumatized by all this year has contained, and this shift is welcome, though also filled with unknowns.  It's so good to be getting some routine back. It is so nice to have even two days a week in my house where I can think my own thoughts.  I will absolutely take it and be grateful for it and hope that it can last.

Wherever this school year finds you, I hope that you are making the most of it!  We certainly are doing our best.