WHAT A WEIRD WEEK

Ironically, the last time I blogged was in February about the cruise we took with Chick-fil-A, which feels like a lifetime and a world ago.  I've lost the thread of blogging a bit, because frankly, this year had been pretty challenging before this past week hit.  But, here we are, with cancelled plans and much more time and space on our hands.

One thing I've always loved about blogging is how it captures a snapshot of our little world.  I love being able to look back and see what things were happening and how it all felt, and because I often process well through writing, blogging has been a good outlet.  I'm hoping that during this time at home, I may be able to prioritize it once again in a way that would be healthy for me and hopefully, helpful for others.

We, probably like you, had a lot of things on our calendar for this March.  We had actually been planning a Disney cruise with friends for almost 18 months.



Now, the second half of that calendar is entirely erased, and we are still ramping up social restrictions.  It is mind-boggling to me that last Monday evening we were sitting around the dining room table trying to figure out if we would be able to go on a cruise, and within 3 days of that meeting, Disney World was closed and all cruises were landed.  Each day, the news became worse, and the actions more extreme.

Carol of two weeks ago could NEVER have imagined the world that we are currently living, and in some ways, I become a little anxious when I wonder what Carol of present doesn't know.  Will we be put on entire lockdown and separation?  Will our business have to close entirely?  How will we care for our employees?  When will school reopen?  Will there ever be anything fun ever again???  These are just a few things on my mind. 🤪  Also, WHY in the world is toilet paper in such short supply?  I understand bread only slightly more.

For mental health reasons, I opted out of the news in 2016.  I've been back in for the last week, and it's reminded me how careful I need to be with what information I seek out and consume.  So much is happening, so quickly, and I have a slight compulsion to try to have the latest, most accurate info possible.  I've been checking my phone much more than normal, and my stomach has been in knots since last Monday.  Even as I type that, I see that I need to take a step back, because constantly updating on the latest Coronavirus cases in my area does not actually help me do what I need to do for our family or even our community.

I have stocked up on groceries and craft activities, and the kiddos are on track with school on this second day of enforced homeschool.  Our family does have some special needs, so being home indefinitely provides some pretty large challenges emotionally and physically.  I'm hoping and praying the Lord provides strength for each day and working to take it one day at a time.

So - here we go!  We're all in this together, whilst staying apart.  It's a super weird world, and I know that it will take some major adjustment and creativity.  And mostly a LOT of grace for ourselves and each other as this is uncharted territory for us all.  None of us has ever lived through a global pandemic of this nature or experienced life-cancellation at this level before.  I had never heard of social distancing until last week.  We are figuring it out one day at a time and trying to do the best we can.

I sincerely hope that the work and disruption that we are sowing now will reap a societal benefit and save lives.  I also fully recognize that what I am experiencing is frustrating and disappointing, but in regards to life and limb, we are doing very well and have SO MUCH for which to be thankful.  Living in the tension of both is challenging, but doing hard things is what we do.  Being both disappointed and thankful is just the reality right now.

CFA NEXT 2020

Last year, CFA set our new vision to be "The World's Most Caring Company."  Let's just say, they definitely start with us, which I never take for granted.  For our annual meeting this year, they chartered the world's two largest cruise ships, and we set sail from Florida to spend some time at sea.



February is always when I start to full-blown hate winter.  It is bleak, and this year it's been extra dreary and rainy and ick.  Escaping to a tropical wonderland came at just the right time.  It has unexpectedly already been a hard year, and this was like balm to our souls.  We spent a full day at Royal Caribbean's Island, CoCo Cay, which was a highlight.  The weather was perfection, and we spent much of the day wandering the ocean or swinging in a hammock.  Amazing.

Even though the company was split in half between the two ships, almost all of our friends ended up on ours, so we got to spend time eating and chatting and laughing and crying in some cases.  Many of these relationships are over ten years old, and we've been able to stay up on a lot of life, which I treasure.  We also made a few new friends in our very own market, and it's always nice to connect with people who will become part of our local CFA circle.

As a side note, I did not think that this was an overdone amount of jewelry for four days, but apparently, it is more than most people pack. 😂🤣😜



The last two days of the trip were at sea, and one of the days was perfect for spending time by the pool.  The other day was gray, and ended up being perfect for napping in our room.  We basically ate constantly, which is typical cruise life and then typical CFA event life.  I am not complaining, though I could not keep up the habit of six desserts a day once I got home.  There were excellent speakers and sessions to attend, and we chose the ones that were most relevant to what we needed.

Last year, we realized that we need a lot more rest than we had been getting, and it is encouraging to get to this year and be in a slightly better place on that front.  We have actually practiced going to bed consistently and being more well-rested overall.  What we continue to learn is that we have to be the best versions of ourselves to be able to show up in our lives in any meaningful ways for the people around us.  When I am sapped dry, I am an angry parent and rather sullen wife.  When John is sapped dry, everything is overwhelming.

Our lives continue to be high intensity.  I think we've mostly given up the notion that this is short term.  This is just our life for the foreseeable future, and if we don't take that seriously and take care of ourselves, we will burn out.  And then the things that depend on us will also fall apart.  Obviously, that's dramatic, but it's our reality.

Spending time with our greater CFA family is always an encouragement.  It's work too - there were conversations that need to be had and dynamics that had to be taken into account.  It's not exactly a "vacation," but, it was an excellent break from some of our pressures.

Here are CFA Seminars of the past!
{2019} {2018} {2017} {2016} {2015} {2014} {2013} {2012} {2011}

IT'S BEEN A HARD YEAR

A few nights ago, I hosted a group in my home, and I exchanged the usual pleasantries with people as they entered.  I knew these people well and didn't have the energy to be anything but honest, so when someone asked how I was, I said,

"I'm okay.  It's been a hard year."

This person pointed out that we were only a few weeks into 2020, and we both laughed, because that does make my statement seem a bit dramatic.  However, this never-ending January has seemed to deal blow after blow, and it's ending with a bang.  There have been enough notable things to mark any year, and instead of graciously spreading themselves out, these things have marched through in the span of days and weeks. 🤯

This month I also sprained my wrist during one of my ice-skating lessons while I was trying to learn how to spin.  Obviously, that's a really valuable skill for any 38 year old mother of four to have. 🤣  It's the first real injury that I can remember having, probably because I am not the least bit athletic and never participated in any kind of team sports.  When it happened, I knew it was bad.  I could tell it was probably not broken, but it also hurt a lot.  In that moment, I downplayed it.  I didn't want my instructors to feel any worse, and I joined Bella on the ice for the free-skating portion of our time as if everything was fine.  I didn't want to raise any alarms, even though I could barely unlace my skates and driving home was tricky.

For the next week, I mostly pretended everything was fine.  I took a lot of ibuprofen and expected the bad bruising that began to show up.  It's my right hand, so using it hurt, but you can figure a lot of things out when you have to.  I threw a Waffle Fry Party and hosted my parents and brushed hair and did the dishes.  All the normal things.  And all of it hurt.

When I was at Book Club this week, I showed it to a friend that's a Physical Therapist, and she was a bit horrified by the swelling and bruising that remained over a week after the injury.  She chided me for my total lack of action towards healing.  I naively assumed that it would just eventually get better.  And, it would, eventually.  However, after wearing a brace for a couple of days and icing it, I am seeing a LOT more improvement.

After all that we've taken in during January, I feel like I'm emotionally sprained.  Nothing is so broken as to require casting or immediate care, but everything inside hurts.  There are so many tender subjects inside my mind that my thoughts are having a hard time navigating it all without my brain screaming out in pain.  Because of the kind of news and the ways that those situations impact me, I can sometimes pretend like things are okay.  I can distract or zone out.  I can get a pedicure or my favorite food.  But ultimately, this is just a season of grief.

I have a natural inclination to avoid all types of pain - going so far as total denial as a coping mechanism.  For better and worse, my adulthood has led me through some difficult paths, and I've learned how to walk through pain, but it still goes against the grain.  I don't want to need a brace or ice or medicine for my feelings.  I want it to all be okay.  I want to live in a world that is not broken.  My longing for heaven only gets stronger each day.  Nothing is fair.

It's been an excellent reminder that I never wanted about how often we are all walking around, going about our normal lives, broken up into pieces on the inside.  This week, my car battery died, and because of that, I couldn't get Violet to a doctor's appointment exactly on time, and it ended up being canceled on us, though we would have only been 15 minutes late.  It was a frustrating situation for any day or week or month.  But I was devastated and so angry.  It took every bit of reserve and Holy Spirit to not yell horrible things at the receptionist who was bearing this news.  I knew I was having an extreme overreaction, and I wanted to explain about how hard everything feels, but it doesn't (and shouldn't) matter to her.  I got off the phone as quickly as possible and dissolved into tears and managed to move past it, because at the end of the day, that stupid appointment will happen eventually, and it will be fine.  My anger was not about the appointment.

So unlike my wrist, I am not pretending like everything is fine.  I've upped my counseling appointments for the foreseeable future.  I have dramatically cut back on cookie orders.  I've let myself off of any imaginary hooks that I don't actually need to do.  I've looked at my calendar to book extra sitters to help, because we just need it right now.  I did a yoga class.  I'm exercising and sleeping and journaling and praying and all the things that I know are healthy.  My counselor was really encouraging about how I am using all the tools that I have, and it does feel good to know that even though I am a little crushed, I am not defeated.

If 2020 has been a rough start for you as well, I'm sorry.  There are a lot of sucky things in life that are far outside of our control.  And sometimes I'm not that great at the stuff I have some control over. This is a reminder to give ourselves some grace.  If we are wounded, we shouldn't pretend that we aren't - that is no way to heal.  Because many of the situations that are grieving me now will be ongoing, I don't feel like I necessarily get to "heal."  But, I get to move forward and find joy along the way.  I get to see the Lord at work in both the good and the hard, which I have to hope that he is making good, even when I can't see it.  I get to join hands with family and friends as we navigate tricky waters, and I'm holding on tight to them.

Here's to February and new beginnings and new grace for each day.  That's another thing I've been working on: taking things one day at a time.  God's mercies are new every morning, and in his faithfulness, he's always provided the strength that I've need each day so far.  I'm trusting that he's good for it.  One day at a time.

LILY'S WAFFLE FRY PARTY

Something I never saw coming was having a daughter who prefers to be known as "Waffle Fry."  So when it came time to plan her shindig this year, there was only one theme that really made sense.

We sent out invites that my sis graciously designed.

As the years have gone on, I have gotten a bit better about doing simpler parties, and this one was pretty straightforward: Chick-fil-A breakfast and as many waffle fries as your heart desires plus a bunch of toppings, including all the normal CFA condiments, plus nacho cheese and bacon bits.  We also gave everyone the option of getting IceDream to dip their waffle fries into.  It's sneaky good.




The best part was that Lily was super happy about the whole thing from top to bottom, which makes it totally worth it.

We had sweet friends and family there to celebrate, and everyone ate while we also did Waffle Fry Trivia.

Every grandmother was in attendance, which felt special.

We sang "Happy Birthday" and cut into the Waffle Fry cake.  Those are cookies that I made to look like waffle fries, and even I was amazed at how realistic they looked!

We sent everyone on their way with Waffle Fry Notebooks and Pens.  There are some perks to having access to the CFA merch catalogue.



I cannot believe that Lily is 11!  We love celebrating her special quirkiness.



Here are Lily's past parties!

{10 YEAR BIRTHDAY TRIP}
{9- Golden Birthday}
{8 - Pancakes & Pajamas}
{7 - Lego Party}
{6 - Butterflies at Painted Pig}
{5- Princess Party}
{4- Horse Party}
{3- Panda-monium}
{2- Crayon Party}