Just a few thoughts on this summer Monday. . .
As we were driving home from our latest trip to Dallas, John commented that he wasn't sure he ever wanted to take another family trip. We had so much fun - truly, we did. We love our friends dearly and getting a chance to have our families together is such a privilege - one that we do not take for granted.
But, we came home exhausted, and the truth is that our regular life still has an edge of every day exhausting that cannot be denied. Granted, we did two separate trips within two weeks, which was probably a bit on the "too much" side of things. Sleeping anywhere that is not home is a challenge with two year old twins. They basically need their own room with no light at all, and since we can't exactly have that set up everywhere we go, things tend to get a bit sticky in the wee hours. Especially when one is teething. And sweet V tends to cry about 1/3 to 1/2 of any time we are in the car. This is true around town as well, and not much seems to be able to mitigate it. She has a wild heart that cannot be broken by the constraints of mundane things like car seats or strollers. She wants to be free.
That said, we definitely have to "count the cost" on any trip that we take right now. It's so fun and so much work all at the same time. I just never want anyone with young children to read this blog and think that we make things look easy when they are not.
Father's Day is always a little tricky for me. I had the best dad, and now he's gone. I have the best step-father imaginable. I have a very dear father-in-law. I have a truly fantastic husband who is a wonderful daddy to our children, and I am so very thankful. My life has been indelibly marked by each of these fathers, and I certainly understand what a blessing and a privilege that is. They all love the Lord and love their children so very well.
I guess, at the end of the day, I end up feeling towards Father's Day many of the same feelings I feel towards Mother's Day. Since it was to be a day honoring John in our house, I decided to not ask him for a picture of him with the kids. He doesn't always love picture sessions (read: he rarely loves taking pictures and does it graciously because he loves me), so I figured that sparing him one was a greater gift for the day. I also managed to get us a sitter so we could go see a movie sans children, because - let's be honest, it is often easier to celebrate these occasions without the kids. At least that is the case at our house right now.
We saw Jurassic World in IMAX 3D which means that we forked over about half of our childrens' college fund. But, it was a big, fun experience, and I felt like I was walking among the dinosaurs. I actually vividly remember seeing Jurassic Park in the theater with my dad and brother when it came out. I was a big wimp about scary movies - still am, for that matter, but my dad said that I would like it and that I could always close my eyes.
So, as we seemed to soar over the new Jurassic World last night with the old Jurassic Park music playing, my eyes filled with tears. I do miss my daddy, but I know he would have loved the new movie and had the same kind of fun that John did making me jump extra in the suspenseful moments for his own enjoyment.
My mind has been spinning on Charleston and the pervasive racism in our country that has been revealed time and again in the past months. I've read countless articles and blog posts and comments and opinions, and my faith in humanity is a bit on the shaky side. I'm thankful that I do have faith in a good God in the midst of the heartache. I may process more in the coming days, but it feels difficult to choose words carefully - not because I am particularly afraid of offending anyone, but because I cannot seem to capture my own emotions and thoughts on it all. We shall see.
Those are my "deep" thoughts this Monday. I hope your week is off to a good start.