SILVER LINING SUNDAY

I feel like this week has pillaged me and left me for dead.  Chewed me up and spit me out.  Robbed me blind and laughed while doing it.  It's been a rough week.  It was capped off by a trip to the ER with our dear Violet today.  There was a lot of coughing coming from the twins' room, and while she was in moderately good spirits -

her breathing was not great.  After a couple of breathing treatments at our house and trying and failing to suck her snot out with one of the new-fangled snot suckers that uses the "power of your own suction," (the truth is that I got light-headed and John got sickened by the whole concept pretty quickly into the endeavor) her breathing was still too quick and a bit labored.

So we rushed to our favorite Mexican restaurant for a super quick family lunch before Violet and I went to the ER.  Because I knew that we would be there a while, and it would be better if we were both well fed before we went.  You have probably already realized this, but John and I are awesome parents.  Like, award-winning.

Violet and I rolled into the ER around 12:15 and were ushered into triage and then into a room.  We had all the usual treatments and were there for over 3 hours.  Unfortunately, this is not our first rodeo in the ACH ER.

The staff did affirm that we were right to come and commented on how laid back I was.  And how prepared.  I came with an audiobook and drinks and snacks for us both.  Like I said, definitely not our first trip.  Violet was delighted to walk out a free girl.

In the meantime, John had our other children and time to kill.  Some friends had borrowed something from us that morning and invited us out to their property for the afternoon, and John took them up on that offer.  They helped to move their fireplace indoors.  Please notice how helpful Bella is.  (insert laugh/crying emoji here.)

It was such a beautiful day.



After our hospital visit, even Violet and I got to go see the house they are building, which was really fun, so our afternoon ended on a high note.  We went home in high spirits, ready to have dinner, give the kids a bath and have an early bedtime for them.  Of course it was not quite that simple.  During bath time, we had a Code Brown and needed to make an emergency evacuation of the tub.  So gross.  We moved all the kiddos to the shower, which both twins were crying about.  There were about 20 really chaotic, stinky, screamy minutes.

All in all, this is not the Sunday we had planned.  It happened to us.  That's how it goes sometimes.  Or almost all of the time this week.  The clothes I had laid out for church did not get worn.  We didn't get to hear the sermon on racial reconciliation that I'm told was excellent.

BUT - we had a good day.  The ER is not where I would want to have been, but it was relatively peaceful, especially once Violet fell asleep, and I got to just cuddle her.  Lily and Bella had an awesome day and told John how much they enjoyed spending time with their really good dad.  (cue tears from me when I heard overheard it)  And then Bella chimed in with, "And we got to see our really good mom, too!"  (more tears)

We also managed to get through this day with our sense of humor in tact, which is a saving grace straight from the Lord.  When you can laugh in the midst of chaos, you know things will be all right.  I'm thankful for the silver linings we had this Sunday, and I'm looking forward to starting a new, hopefully brighter week tomorrow!

BAD DAYS & SELF-SHAMING

This week has had its fair share of ick.  Obviously, Monday wasn't all roses.  Then, both twins got a mild stomach bug, which was no fun.  On Wednesday, both babies had pretty major appointments for things that I had put off til after the holidays.  So, Wednesday morning, I headed to ACH with the twins in tow for Violet to get checked at the ENT, due to her most recent failed swallow study.

While William moaned in the car almost all the way there, I was thinking that my decision to not have back-up for this adventure was a poor one.  About 10 minutes into our time at ACH, I was quite certain.  I texted John.  By the time he called back, I was nearly in tears, and John couldn't hear me over the crying children in the very small room with me.

Even though I was not very nice about it, John came to my rescue and scooped William out of the room just in time for Violet to have a camera threaded through her nose headed towards her throat.  She liked it about as much as you might imagine she would.  Thankfully, the two nurses, one doctor and one med student did all the dirty work while I got to watch.  Violet does indeed have another condition, but she will grow out of it, and it will thankfully not involve surgery.  She got a stuffed kitty for being such a "brave" girl.

After lunch time and smack dab in the middle of nap time, I took William to the eye doctor.  This is what he looked like in the waiting room.  Since he was *mostly* silently fit throwing, I let him lay there while the majority elderly crowd looked on in quiet horror.



After an initial examination, the nurse said, "Okay, now I'm going to put some drops in his eyes to dilate them.  Then you will wait in here (a darkened room) for 25-30 minutes while they work."

I wanted to gouge out my eyes while we waited for William's to dilate.

To be honest, it wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been, and at the end of it all, we found out that William's vision is normal, which is great news.  We got out of there as quickly as we could.



I knew going into Wednesday that I wasn't going to like it, but these things are necessary evils, and I am so thankful that we have the access to these services and doctors.  However, my attitude on Wednesday was not fantastic.  I wished that the twins had not been premature.  I wished that I had a better grasp on all of their medical history - much of which I will likely never know.  I wished that we didn't have to do therapy and lots of appointments and that they were more cooperative for all of it.

I felt sorry for myself and wanted to host a day long pity party.

And then, the self-shaming began.

"How can you think like this when there are mothers all over the world who wish they could go to doctors and hospitals so easily?"
"What about all the single moms who have literally no one to call when they are stuck in a waiting room with their difficult children?"
"You have everything in the world and still find ways to complain about it."

Having traveled quite a bit - I know these are real things.  I know I have everything, even the power of the most high God.  I have a husband who will come to my rescue when I need him to.  I have friends who will help with my other kids - one friend picked up Bella, fed her lunch and brought her to my house on Wednesday so I wouldn't have to take the twins anywhere else.



I am still wrestling through the gracious way to walk through hard days, and I am not there yet.  There has to be a balance between the wallowing in self-pity vs. wallowing in self-shaming.  I know the answer is more Jesus, less of me - it always is.  I need his perspective.  Yesterday, I got another chance to go down this road as I fell ill to the same mild stomach bug the twins had earlier in the week and laid on the couch most of the day post lunch.

More of Jesus, less of me.  It always should be my mantra.

SNIPPETS FROM TODAY

Today was not bad.  It was a normal day.  But, there were several moments that I realized seem to encapsulate so much of what life feels like right now.

As Bella and I were running errands, she started to verbally run through our day.
"First, we are going to the cookie store.  Then, we will go to the grocery store.  Then, we will pick up lunch.  Then, pick up the babies and have lunch.  Then nap time and Lily comes home.  And then we'll do gymnastics and have dinner and take baths and go to bed.  And then wake up and do it all again!"
As she said the last line, she put her hands in the air as if to cheer.  We certainly do have a Monday routine.

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After the aforementioned nap time, I went into a stinking twins' room.  Their nursery is fairly small, and when they both poop, it is fairly potent.  I could smell it before I opened the door, and both the big girls stayed far clear of it.  I was running just on schedule to get to gymnastics on time, which meant I had time to change the twins diapers, load everyone into the car and go.

I did not account for a poop explosion.  I never do.  There was an unfortunate literal pile of crap.  I got Violet out of the bed and took her straight to the bath where she immediately started wailing.  I had already released William, so he was looking for ways to be really helpful during this process.  (Extreme sarcasm font.)

I set about bathing the filthy, screaming child while the wild William went about his business banging on my back and then opening and shutting the three doors nearest to us.  Rince and repeat.  He also tried to pick up the poopy clothes.  Meanwhile, the big girls had gotten themselves changed for gymnastics and were mimicking each other in full force and then tattling.

It was a bad 10 minutes.  We rolled into gymnastics only about 5 minutes late, miraculously.

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I tried a new brussels sprouts recipe at dinner, and John and I really liked it.  We made both girls try it, because we are constantly working to expand the girls' palettes.  (As a side note, just last week, Lily was explaining to me that she is not at all a picky eater.  She said, "I like all kinds of chips.  Potato chips, Sun Chips, Cheetos, Pretzel Chips and chips with soup."  It was a remarkably long list, and I was laughing too hard to explain that didn't mean she wasn't picky.)  Lily popped an entire brussels sprout into her mouth and started chewing and then gagged.  She refused to swallow for a good 3 minutes (maybe more).  She cried.  She said she couldn't.  She eventually did, and then skipped on her merry way towards bath time.

After seeing this, Bella was more wary.  She began crying.  Loudly.  I think she may have tried to pound her fist on the table, but I explained that she would not be leaving the table without eating one, so she better get at it.  After a lot more crying, she eventually nibbled a bite.

She said, "I like it!"  She immediately perked up and ate the rest, all the while laughing and joking.

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This is a snapshot of what my days are like right now.  I wouldn't trade it for anything, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that someday, I will miss large parts of it.  But, I'm writing this blog now to remind myself of the things that won't be missed.  Piles of crap and brussels sprouts laced with tears.  Oh, and the piles and piles of laundry I folded tonight.  But, I'm going to sleep in my warm bed with my kind husband, and life is full and beautiful.  I am so thankful.

LILY'S BUTTERFLY PARTY AT PAINTED PIG

Yesterday Lily turned six, and today we celebrated with a party just for our girl.  She originally wanted a "Bug Squad" party, like Halloween.  However, in my great wisdom, I was going for something a little more simple and narrowed her down to butterflies.  Also, we hosted the party not at our house.  That made life a lot easier this weekend and was a great change of birthday pace, especially after our wild holiday season.

After a quick search on Etsy, I concluded that I could pretty easily design something I would like with my Silhouette software.  I love that thing.

The party was at The Painted Pig (a ceramic painting place) - after seeing this friend's post, I realized it might be a great fit for us.  And it was!  The girls all had a great time, and I am looking forward to seeing the butterfly tiles that each girl painted.  Lily and Bella were very excited to help set everything up.

I honest to goodness kept things much simpler for this party.  We had cheese and butterfly crackers, fresh fruit, water, cake and candy.

The painting went pretty quickly, because the girls were almost all 6 and under.  But - they really enjoyed themselves!  Lily got to pick the colors, and the staff had pre-drawn butterflies onto each tile, which was really helpful.

Family from both in town and out of town were there to celebrate and help make it a special occasion.

We sang "Happy Birthday" to Lily and enjoyed the light snacks and cake.  The girls ended up having a great time adding jelly beans to their water and drinking the concoction.  It is so funny to see what entertains six year olds.

After all the eating and painting and playing, it was time to wish everyone farewell and send them on their way with a cookie!

It was such a fun group of girls to celebrate with!




We certainly love our Lily!

And, if you want to take a trip down memory lane, here's an opportunity!
Lily's Princess Party {5}
Lily's Horse Party {4}
Lily's 'Panda'modium Party {3}
Lily's Rainbow Crayon Party {2}