Thursday, February 13, 2014


I've had a recurrent nightmare for most of my adult life.  In the dream, I will be sitting at the edge of some body of water: lake, ocean, river, etc.  Usually I am surrounded by people, and sometimes they are familiar and known to me and other times they are strangers.  We face the water together, enjoying the beauty of it.  The waves are lapping at the edges, and it seems peaceful.

But as the dream twists into the nightmare, the waves become larger and larger.  Before long, I realize that we are all in danger, and panic sets in.  There is too much water.  It is coming too quickly.  What was once beautiful is now terrifying and headed my way.  Pandemonium breaks out as we all flee, but I am usually overtaken.  Sometimes the dream ends with that.  Other times I bob on top of the waves and look around for my family and friends.

In my conscious hours I don't have any fear of water or drowning.  It's one of those weird things that my mind must be working through as I sleep.  Also, I think that buried not too deep down there is some symbolism that bears fleshing out.

The past several weeks have felt like those dreams.  I can see the waves, and in some moments, without warning, some of them seem to overtake me.  There are so many things to keep track of.  In the past week, I have managed to double book several rather important things.  With therapy ramping up and paperwork and reflux medicine and taxes and normal life, my brain is more maxed out than usual and details are slipping through the cracks as I try to bob on top of it all.

One of the songs that we sang at the IF Gathering this weekend really spoke to me.  It's called Where Feet May Fail - you have probably heard it.  It's really beautiful.  Here are some of the lyrics that have become a prayer for me.

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

Basically, I feel like my feet are failing all the time, and the waves are crashing in.  But, I don't have to live stuck in the waves.  I can call upon the Lord and ask for help keeping my eyes above the waves.  My soul can rest inside his great love for me.   There is rest for the weary.  There are lifejackets.  There is rescue.  There is hope.  It's all found when I look far above the waves to the maker of it all.  

Thank you, Lord, for calling me where my feet are failing.  It's forcing me to look to you.