Monday, March 14, 2016

THINGS I'LL MISS

I found myself seated in our breakfast nook for lunch with my three littles who are not so little anymore.  "Seated" is an overstatement of the lunchtime reality where I am usually getting up and down retrieving various food and drink requests.  I've not ever been great at getting everything on the table the first go round when it's just us.

My irritation level was idling high as kids kept making requests and getting up and down from the table themselves.  Staying seated is a lofty goal for us and one that will likely not be reached anytime soon.  I wanted to just eat my salad in peace with happy children.  Fact.

Quickly after that thought came the next one.  The one that can inspire guilt and sentimentality and gladness and fear all in one fell swoop.  Next school year I likely will be eating my salad in peace many days by myself.  I'm sure that I will love it most of the time - I've missed time in my head and peaceful moments during these years as a full-time, stay-at-home mother with really young children.

But, there is sadness that comes with ushering in a new season and new routines.  I'll miss these faces, especially around lunch time.

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Question marks are swirling through my mind about the fall and what it will bring for me.  Will I restart cookies?  Will I work more at CFA?  Will I spend more time helping coordinate events with the non-profit I'm partnered with?  Will I lounge around on the couch eating bon bons and watching the one soap opera still on television?

Time is a gift, and as it stands right now, there is time on the horizon.  I don't want to waste it, and I don't want to fill it up too full.  I want to be obedient to what the Lord has next for me and our family.

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While looking through an old photo book last night, I was amazed all over again at how fast it all goes.  There we were with one child, and now she's a big 1st grader with three younger siblings.  This feeling of it speeding by with forever mark these years with children at home for us - it feels as if fast forwarding is the norm.  (She was the cutest little Red Fish to celebrate Dr. Suess at school a couple of weeks ago.  School age kids have so many perks!)

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I'm glad I pulled out my big girl camera today.  It's easy for me to use my phone - obviously, since its regularly attached to my person.  But, these moments look different and feel more special when captured with my DSLR.  It's a great reminder of why I have it and learned how to use it.

I know that the next season will bring its own pros and cons, just as every one of them does.  Today, I know I'll be missing the silly lunchtime antics- especially once I forget how hard it is to manage them.

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