Monday, January 14, 2013


Every Sunday, at least, almost every Sunday, John and I have a ritual where we ask each other the same four questions.  We've been doing it for almost two years now, and I can wholeheartedly say that it has been one of the best things we could do for our marriage.  I got the idea and most of the questions from this blog, and we have adapted them to suit our needs.

1.  How did you feel loved this past week?

This makes us reflect on the past week and the good things about each other.  It has also made me more conscious of what specifically makes John feel loved and vice versa.  Seeing that play out week after week has been really neat, though we often get things wrong.

2.  What does your upcoming week look like?

This question has been pretty revolutionary for us.  Time allocation has long since been a thorn in our marriage flesh and having a weekly pow wow where we get on the same page has dramatically changed things for the better.  We can set expectations and plan for the different variables in each week.  It allows schedule trouble-shooting, and while things still come up that give us opportunities for flexibility with one another, this has improved the way that we function together.

3.  How was your battle this week?

Each of us, like all people, have areas of weakness and struggle.  It has been helpful to have a place of accountability with one another where we can debrief and know how to pray for one another and keep a clean slate.  This has been a real blessing.

4.  How would you feel best loved in the week ahead?

Because circumstances change from week to week, this is helpful to know how to best support each other in the upcoming week.

We don't do this perfectly at all, but we really do make an effort to do it every week.  John has an alarm programmed into his phone to remind us, but usually, we remember on our own, especially for the schedule planning.  We've become pretty dependent on that.  I also love knowing that we specifically address the ways that we are loving each other each week.  It gives us a time and place to verbalize things, good and bad, that we have been feeling throughout the week.

Sometimes the question conversation can take about 20 minutes.  Other times it may stretch to over an hour depending on what is going on.  It felt funny and forced to do at first, but now that we are in the groove, it is just routine.  It makes me thankful to be married to John and happy that we make this investment into our marriage.