Monday, November 04, 2013

IN HIS STRENGTH

IMG_5873

Yesterday I hosted a pity party for myself much of the day.  The reasons are plentiful and mostly not good.  One contributing factor is the fact that we are starting solid food for the babies.  Historically, this is one of my least favorite stages.  It's so high maintenance.  And this time, it will be doubled.

So, there I sat with two babies in front of me in Bumbos.  All three of us were shedding some sort of tears, though their's were a bit more wail-y.  Rice cereal is just no fun.  Especially for Violet.  She mostly refused to open her mouth, and so I snuck the spoon in while she was crying.  Then cereal just dribbled and fell out and smeared everywhere as she frantically grasped for her paci while screaming louder in protest as if I had betrayed her trust just trying to get it in her mouth.  You can see how I might be dreading this.

All day I had been sensing something bad wrong in my spirit.  Like I was missing the mark with my family and taking things extra personally.  The marker on the wall (again) felt like a knife through my heart.  "We've talked about this!  You know better!" came spilling out of my mouth.  John and I have decided we are probably going to have to repaint the whole room once this phase passes.  There are crayon/marker/pen marks on most bare stretches of wall, even though I try to make sure she has none to use.  She's a little trickster.

Back to the Bumbo breakdown.  I knew I was complaining in my heart.  Because I am selfish and feel like I don't have time to add "feeding solid foods to two babies who don't want them" to my To Do list.  I would rather do a million other things.

But - that is what God has for me right now, and it is for the good of all of us.  The twins need to grow and develop and move onto solid foods.  I need to die to self more, buck up and just do what needs to be done without whining.

The truth that hit me is that I CANNOT do it in my own strength.  I run far short of what I need to do each day when trying to do it my way, in my strength.  I would consider myself a high capacity individual, and this is often reinforced by others.  This helps me in my day to day life, which can feel a bit daunting at times, but it can also be a hinderance.  I trick myself into thinking I can do it.  God has put it in front of me, and I can do it!

Yesterday I was beat over the head with the fact that I can't.  I can't have the best response every time something doesn't go my way.  I can't cope with all the crying.  I can't keep up with all the house work.  I can't feel thankful about my life, even when the blessings are all around.  Those are things only God can do in and through me, and I have to submit and surrender to him to see him come through.

Then, I become more gracious, in spite of the candy wrappers found strategically hidden throughout the colored-on room.  I can be thankful that the twins are growing, and that this season is a relatively short one.  I can rejoice in the Giver of all good gifts in my life, because he gives me joy - when I look to him.  When the next Bumbo breakdown happens, I hope I look to the Lord more quickly for the strength he readily offers.  Thank You, Lord.

3 comments:

Kristina Steuber Dalton said...

Carol, look into baby led weaning. We did that with our youngest and liked it much better than cereals and puréed foods. It is still very messy...cause they are feeding themselves soft finger foods like avocado slices, but baby usually likes it better. Avocado was a favorite for Karter :)

Lora said...

My now 2 year old had a really hard time figuring out eating baby food (and bottle feeding. She was just so slow with anything regarding her mouth except sassing me) So we took breaks from trying to learn it, and I fed my 6 month old bottles every 3-4 hours... yes, it was ridiculous and I got all sorts of strange looks and comments, but it was just a season.

Liz Smith Herron said...

I am right there with you. God has been working on me with the exact. same. thing. In fact, I was sitting in front of my 5 1/2 month old in his bumbo at dinner with carrots and cereal smeared all over him because he insists on putting his thumb in after every bite...and I was convicted about dying to myself, choosing thankfulness over complaining, and using my weakness as an opportunity for God to pour out His strength in me. I'll say a prayer for you tomorrow as I tackle the solid food chore again. :-)