Friday, September 18, 2015


Sometimes life feels scrambled up in ways that are hard to distinguish.  The good and the bad are intermixed so intensely, and my feelings feel all the feelings.  It looks a little like this.


This was Wednesday afternoon - though the light was green - I had not yet moved while taking this photo.  It was pouring down rain at that very moment, large, clanging drops that drowned out some of the crying in my car.  My wipers were on, so the picture does miss out on some of the waterworks present.  The sun was also shining so very brightly, as if there were no clouds in the sky to block it.

I've seen sunshine and rain together before, but never so clearly.  This week has felt the same way.  There have been startlingly good events and moments of sunshine, but it has also been raining pretty hard.  Many of life's harsh realities seem to be banged against us this week.  Because our stories are closely interwoven with others, I'm not free to share what all has been going on.  But it is stretching us.

We are being forced to look outside of ourselves and stare into injustice and poverty and mental illness and dishonesty.  And then we have to look inside of ourselves and see judgement and pain and frustration and selfishness.  Unpleasantness all the way around.  I need more of Jesus and his grace and love.  All the time.

And as we are walking through life, I'm still learning to take the good and bad together.  To understand that you cannot have sunshine without shadows.  To look ahead to life beyond this life when there will be no more tears or sadness.  You can find me looking for rainbows and new mercies and nap time for all.