Friday, December 09, 2016
COVERED IN COOKIES
It might be safe to say that I am drowning in cookies. I wish I had kept track of how many I've done this month, but I haven't. It's a lot - especially since being a baker/decorator isn't exactly my full-time gig, unlike how it feels at this moment. I can say that as of right now, I've been through about 14 pounds of powdered sugar with plans to use more. 😝 And I'm not sleeping enough, and I wake up thinking about cookies, so I may be a hint out of balance. 😁😳😂
Restarting Willflowers Bake Shoppe has been such a whirlwind, and I'm so thankful for all of the kind people who have ordered cookies or said nice things about them. It means a lot, and it is thrilling to be able to delight people with this quirky talent of mine. When I'm in the thick of it, I think in cookie, and everything I see inspires a new idea. Friends and strangers (or as I like to think of them "new friends") have placed orders, and it is so fun to bake, knowing that the little treats will be well-enjoyed by the eyes and the mouth.
However, I've also disappointed people this month. I quickly realized that I would not be able to fill all of the orders that would come in based on the interest I saw, so I put a cap on it. I had to. But, it is hard and sad for me to tell friends and potential new friends that I can't bake for them. I don't like doing it, and while most people have been incredibly gracious about this, I can also tell I've sincerely disappointed a few.
As I've thought about the hows and whys of this all, I've realized that at the end of the day, I would rather disappoint people that live outside of my home than people that live inside my home. I know I've written this before, but it rings true now more than ever - I am the only person that can be John's wife and Lily, Bella, Violet and William's mother. Other people can bake and decorate cookies, but only I can give my family the kind of December that we need, and that will mean shutting down the cookie operation by the time the kids are out of school for the holiday break.
There are so many things that I struggle with in life, and God is so gracious to use experiences like this to refine me. Running a mini-business out of my home has so many fun aspects, and the great feed-back is a shot to the ego. But - it is also exhausting and time-consuming, and at times, I wonder why I am doing it at all.
I feel like I've been given a gift, and I want to steward it well. I want to use it to bless others. I am delighted that I will be able to write large checks to organizations that I care deeply about, because of all the cookie purchases. But after that, I will need to curtail the cookie craziness for a while. (I do ❤️ alliteration.) I'm still trying to best work out how to proceed so that cookies don't take over our family, and since I tend to go all out on all things, reigning myself in is a challenge.
If you've gotten this far in this rambling cookie post, I thank you. Thanks for hearing my heart and knowing that there are lots of ways that I get things wrong. I'm so thankful for the support of family and friends and ultimately for the grace of God that covers up the messes that I make regularly.
And now I have to go work on the 34 dozen (or so. . .) cookies that I've committed to people in the next week. 😳😂👊