THE BEST LAID PLANS AND MY EVIL ALTER EGO

This week has been unusual in so many ways that it is hard to wrap my mind around.  Our friends were here through Tuesday morning after spending the weekend on the lake, and then we had the home study and then, BOOM, it was 4th of July.  I didn't even have patriotic clothing for the girls to wear this year.  Weird.  (We found something that worked.)



I knew our 4th of July was going to be strange and a bit disjointed, and it lived up to that.  I actually spent a lot of time thinking about the way our expectations shape our experiences.  John and I are both realizing that the way we think about things is really powerful.  John needed to work, so I had the girlies most of the day.  I had exciting things on my agenda, like grocery shopping because we needed fruit in the house.

I had choices to make about the way I framed up the day in my mind.  I could be a tinge bitter and sad about the fact that we weren't doing fun celebratory things.  (I did experience all this, but I decided not to wallow there.)

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I wrote the first part of this blog post Friday night.  As I was writing, a brief, but powerful thunderstorm came through.  We desperately needed the rain, so I was glad for it.  I was glad right up until the power started flickering and out it went.  I am never great with huge, unexpected twists, but I am even less great when I have three extra people staying at my house.  Out to dinner we traipsed, hoping that the power would be blazing bright when we returned.

No dice.

We played a game by flashlight and headed for bed.  I was outwardly trying not to be a baby with only moderate success. Things were not even that bad.  I also know enough about life and the world to know how blessed we are to have electricity almost all of the time.

The next morning the power was back, and we got all ready to go to the pool.  Not once, but twice, we went to the pool and were told that it was going to open in another hour.  The storm had caused a lot of debris and there were issues with the chemicals.  So, our party of 6, including 3 children 3 and under needed to find another plan.  Bummer.

That's when I realized all over again that a convenience-crazed, self-centered monster lives inside of me.  Her name is Caroline.  Caroline wants things the way she wants them when she wants them.  Is that too much for Caroline to ask?  I mean, Caroline pays for power, and most of the neighborhood and city had power.  Why not her?  That silly storm lasted 15 minutes and managed to hijack an evening and a morning from Caroline, and let me just say, Caroline was not happy.

I tried to reason with her.  I tried to tell her that she has everything good in the world and more.  I tried to explain that she should just make new plans and have a better attitude.  But Caroline was resolute in her whininess and moping.  As much as I tried to pacify and reason with her, I could not.

When I started this post, I was going to talk about how the perspective we take on things can impact our experience - which I still believe is true.  But, then I got reacquainted with Caroline this weekend, and I remembered that Jesus is the only one that has any power over her.  I am powerless to shape my world in the right way, and it is only by God's grace and love that I can ever see the good, that I can ever make choices with my attitude that are honoring to him.  I have to connect to him and draw from his strength.  

I'm so glad that Jesus loves Caroline.