AM I GOING TO BE A LIAR OR A FOOL?

I've talked about it a million times on the blog - parenting is not for the faint of heart.  There is a ruthless nitty gritty to it that just keeps coming.  It's like a mirror that continues to show me the ugliness and sin that is rooted in my own heart.

In my mother's group at church, we've been going through the book Don't Make Me Count To Three by Ginger Plowman.  I have really enjoyed the book and been challenged by it.  Like all books, there are certain things that don't resonate, but on the whole, I have learned a lot by what I've read and through the teaching that has been given.  (If you click on this link, you can listen to the speakers, who have all been excellent.)

Some of my key takeaways from this semester:

1) The ways that I respond to my children illustrate what is going on inside of my own heart.  When they act foolishly, do I respond foolishly?  Am I going to act a fool with them?
  -  I love that this book turned discipline on its head to reveal what God is doing inside of me as well, since that is just as important to him as what is going on in my kids' hearts.

2) Consistency is key.
  -  This particular point is exhausting to me.  I mean, beyond exhausting.  I have to address their behavior every single time it happens, otherwise, I make myself into a liar, and they realize they don't actually have to follow my instructions.  Because sometimes, I let things slide, and if there is that chance, then they will fight to not do the right thing.  I don't exactly have pleaser type of children at this point.

3) My goal should not just be for behavior modification.
  -  God wants all of us - not just our good works.  This is true for our children as well, and if I only require them to behave well on the outside, then I am only teaching them the importance of actions.  The heart is the well-spring of our life, and as such, I have been challenged to ask better questions to try to probe into the issues underneath the surface behaviors.
    (side note - there is a great tool that comes in the form of an app - Wise Words for Moms.  Though it may sound cheesy, it has great questions sorted by behaviors and verses that apply to them.  I think it is worth the $1.99)

4) I want the Scripture to permeate our home.
  -  I don't want my children to do what I say, just because I say it.  I want them to understand that God has placed me in their life to guide them, and we are both working to follow God.  I can use Scripture to say, we do this (whatever it is), because God told us to.  His words, not mine.
  -  This is one place the app is coming in handy, because it has verses that are specific to certain behaviors, like lying or whining.  Not that those things happen in our house.
  -  One other helpful thing has been Seeds Family Worship.  We listen to these CDs almost constantly in the car, and the girls LOVE them.  It is Scripture set to music that is kid-friendly, but not annoying.  And, though I miss listening to NPR (I am a super nerd) and knowing what is going on in the world, the sacrifice is worth it when I hear the girls singing along, hiding the verses in their hearts.  Also, they whine less when we listen to music they like.  Worth it.

The other thing that has continued to permeate my heart this semester is that God is always at work, and he does not expect perfection in parenting from me.  I cannot control how my children turn out - only God can work in their hearts.  It is freeing to be able to trust him in that and know that he loves them more than I do.  There is no magic-formula where my kids will turn out great if I follow certain steps.  Each child and family are different, and I can only ask God for the grace to parent well in each moment and know that he will pick up the slack for me.

I'm so thankful that my children's future does not rise and fall on my parenting ability, but instead on God's grace, just like mine.  What a blessing.