Tuesday, September 09, 2014


The world does not work the ways that I wish it did.  Parents and children should always get to stay together.  From what I understand, being separated from one's parents is one of the most traumatic things that can happen to a child.  It's not the way things are supposed to work, and it leaves scars on everyone involved.

This past weekend brought a lot of joy and heartache with it.  A lot happened with the twins' birth family, and we had a front row seat watching as it played out.  It's not my story to tell, so I am not going to include details, but I've been keeping my phone close and checking for texts as I pray.

As we were driving around on Sunday, John and I rolled a few of the complexities around in conversation.  We are so thankful for our children.  We adore them and cannot imagine our lives without them.

They came to us through hard circumstances that are undeniable and unfortunate.  Those things will always be a part of their story and ours as well.  No matter how rosy their childhood with us may turn out, it will all have been started in tragedy.

My brain and heart feel squeezed when wrestling with these concepts.  My understanding is too finite.  On one hand, my children are precious beyond words.  On the other hand, I would not wish their circumstances to be repeated for other children.  It's really hard to wrestle through, because I am so thankful to have them and grateful for the opportunity to love them.  They are an immeasurable gift to our family.

I cannot fathom the ways and means of how our great God works.  In the present, I am having to learn all over again how to trust him.  I know he is sovereign and faithful and good.  Right this second, it is hard to be able to work it out from this side of heaven.  What is he up to?  I'm not sure, and I'm looking forward to seeing the ways that he makes things good and reveals all of the good that is already there, even the parts that we cannot yet see.

Adoption is riddled with heartache.  Biology matters and having children whose birth family has been fractured has moved me to greater compassion for all involved.  This is not an easy path, and I'm thankful that we did not choose it lightly.

And they are worth it - every day.  Our lives are richer and our hearts are more full.  God knew that we needed one another as family, and he will continue to work in us all.