This fall I am starting to lead a group at our church for other moms. It occurred to me that this will be the first time in quite a while that I will have to really step out and try to connect with some new women. This is daunting to me for many reasons. I feel terrible at small talk, and I feel like I ask stupid questions. I don't like pretense, but some level of it feels almost inescapable in the beginning. I want to skip the "get to know you" phase and be straight in the "we all know everybody's stuff and love each other just the same" phase. Unfortunately, there is no short cut. Like most good things in life, you have to put in the time.
And here's the thing I've observed about friendship along the way - at the end of the day, you become friends with who you spend time with. Granted, it helps to have some basic commonality, and it helps when you "click." But, even when you don't "click" with people right away, you can still become best of friends, just by shared experiences and especially through a shared Jesus.
In high school, I had a group of girl friends that were amazing and that I adore to this day. I can't believe that I got to do life with these women during that critical part of our lives, and I am so proud of who each of them are today. Looking back at it all, I can see how different we all were in so many ways. We had varied interests, skill-sets and even varied friends outside of our group. But - we all had Jesus, and we spent time together. I went on mission trips with most of these girls at one time or another. There were long summer days spent waking up at noon, heading to Sonic and then laying out at the pool. There were school dances. There were sleepovers. There were school projects. There was Mole Day. (I didn't realize this wasn't a big deal everywhere until sometime in college.) We knew each other's families and stories, good and bad.
(Side note: I'm not sure if I felt fashionable in my polo and khakis or not. Probably I did not think much about it. I wouldn't consider myself the best dresser then or now.)
All those shared experiences formed bonds that can never be undone. And, I think that is the trick to friendship. Doing life with people. Making it a priority to be in community. I saw my parents do this from the time I was young, and it stuck with me. I am so thankful they modeled that for me, and I hope that our children pick up the same thing. God did not want for us to walk through life alone. He made us to need one another.
I am still so blessed by friendships. Having people to laugh and cry with at a moment's notice is not something that I take for granted, because I feel like we have put in the time. We didn't arrive here by accident or fall into it - we have worked at including people in our lives, and it has been worth every bit. The Christian life really is a battle, and we are all in some unfinished state of sanctification that will never be complete until eternity. (our Community group has been going through Romans)
So, I guess my encouragement here would be to find people - people who are available and want to share life. Being in the same season of life helps, because you can naturally spend more time together doing things you are doing anyway. Don't discount people that you don't click with right away - at the end of the day, you become friends with who you spend time with. You come to love the quirks that initially might have been off-putting, and you find that they can love you in spite of your psychosis. Cause we've all got it. We are all messy, fallen people. Life is better lived together.
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