PRIORITIES

The question "How much is too much?" has been banging around my head lately.  I've always sort of thought the answer was - "You will know it when you see it."  Well, friends, my eyes have seen and my ears have heard.  I am officially doing too much stuff.  This was graciously confirmed by my mother who was surprised when I answered the phone today.  She asked how I was doing, and I was actually near tears thinking about all that is going on right now.  When I told her I thought I was doing too much, she said, "Of course you are.  You don't even have time to call your mother."  Thanks for the affirmation, Mom.

This is a hard realization, but one that has been building for a while now.  I think I may have underestimated what having four kids would be like.  I think I thought I could just continue on with all the stuff I had been doing.  Going from two to four kids has rocked my world.  I am just really realizing that it is not double the work.  There is a multiplying factor in there somewhere that makes it more than two times as hard as it was before.  It seems exponentially harder.

I can see that God has clearly put things in my path to do, but I can also see that there are a lot of things that I am doing that other people could do just as well.  Those are some of the things I need to let go.  I am the only person that can be John's wife.  I am the only mom that Lily, Bella, William and Violet have, and I want to be excelling at those roles before I take on a bunch of other ones.  My babies will only be little once, and I don't want to squander this time that I have been given with them.

Because the reality is that anytime I am serving outside of the home, my whole family is serving.  We are in it all together, and we all have to make sacrifices.  And, at this current point, I feel like I am asking my children to sacrifice more than I would want them to.  I don't want to be a stressed out mommy.  That is no good for any of us.

I know that there must be a healthy balance in there somewhere, but I can sense in my spirit that things are out of whack right now.  It will take some time to get back to an appropriate level of activity, because I can't just drop things all at once.  But I know that as God leads and guides, we will get there.

I want to spend more time doing things I will never regret.  I will never regret cuddling my children more or continuing to date my husband or spending more time with God.  That hit me last night as I sat with three of the four nestled around me.  I felt like I didn't have time to just sit, but that is something I have tricked myself into.  That is what my time is for.  Loving and caring for my family well.  The tasks can wait.  And some can be handed off all together.  My mentor put it really well to me last week - "Your No will be someone else's Yes."  God does not leave his work undone, and he will bring other people into any gap that I leave.

So - it's been a Monday thick with thoughts, but also one thick with promise.