Wednesday, October 01, 2014

FEELING FAILURE

Last week I made and mailed cookies off for a party.  I occasionally ship cookies, and it has worked out well.  It involves a lot of bubble wrap and and then more bubble wrap.  But, as I was packing this particular batch of cookies, I realized they were more fragile than usual - which was strange.  I broke a couple while I was packaging them, which was not a good sign.  And I realized that I probably shouldn't have tried to mail horseshoe cookies at all, because they were almost guaranteed to be more fragile.

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I sent a note to the girl, explaining that several had broken, and that I wouldn't charge her for them.  I heard back from her after the cookies had arrived, two days later, and discovered that, to both of our horrors, just over half of the cookies were broken.  And so was my heart.

I apologized over and over and wrote a note and of course, did not charge her for any of the cookies, but I couldn't fix the fact that she didn't have the amount of cookies that she had ordered for the party.  I literally felt sick to my stomach most of the afternoon.

And then I felt like giving up.  I honestly didn't want to think about cookies or ever try shipping them again.  That may sound a bit dramatic, but disappointing someone is a terrible feeling.  I felt as if I probably shouldn't bother with cookies anymore.

It took me a couple of days to recover.  I had to let God remind me that what I do does not define who I am.  I had to remind myself that accidents happen.  I had to come to grips with the reality that doing anything worth doing requires risks.  I could hole up and never make another cookie and never have to disappoint someone like that again.  Or - I could be brave and keep making the cookies and hoping for the best.  I feel like God has given me this strange gift for decorating sweet treats, and I want to use it to his glory and not my own.  Which might mean that sometimes, I might screw it up.  And that's okay.

On the bright side, I do recognize that these are cookies - not life or death.  But it is one of my favorite little hobbies.  Confession - sometimes I think in "cookie."  Giving it up would really be a crying shame.  These feelings of failure reminded me that I cannot put too much stock into the little things in life.  God loves me, no matter what.  No matter how the cookie crumbles.

4 comments:

Trish H said...

Hi there, pretty new blog fan here. I love those cookies. You are definitely a talented lady! I find your writing refreshingly honest and inspiring. :)

Ashley said...

Whether they broke or not, Carol, those are fantastically beautiful cookies. I'm so amazed at your talents!

Carol Spenst said...

Thanks for the encouragement and sweet comment! So nice to meet you through blog land.

Carol Spenst said...

Thanks, Ash - so very kind.