Sunday, November 23, 2014

MORE MORE MORE

The last week with the twinsies has been a rough one.  I mentioned the bad night from last week, and I'm sorry to say that things have not improved much.  We have been sleeping moderately better, but there is sporadic crying throughout the night.  I think the hardest thing has actually been meal times, because neither twin is excited about eating.  They both would rather scream and/or shriek.  John has actually left the last three meals we've had out with William, because he's been that inconsolable.  I realized that William's tongue was burned, which is part of what has been causing his discomfort.  Bless his heart.  Seriously - it looks painful, and everything that he's telling me indicates he believes it might be the worst thing that has ever happened to him.

Violet has become fairly intense.  I remember this happening to Lily specifically at this age as well.  When we went for Lily's 18 month check up, she threw a massive fit in the doctor's office.  The doctor actually said, "This seems like pretty extreme behavior for a child this age," which was both terrifying and reassuring.  And we are living it all over again with V.  The girl knows what she wants, and she's not afraid to ask for it repeatedly.  Loudly and insistently.  With some high-pitched screaming for good measure.

Her rather constant refrain is "MO MO MO" - she wants MORE of whatever it is that you've got.  Are you drinking something?  Violet would like "MO MO MO."  Are you eating a meal?  "MO MO MO."  Have you ever thought about snacking?  "MO MO MO."  She does often add her "please" - the sign for please where she rubs her chest.  She is very confused and upset when this does not elicit the immediate response of you giving her what she wants.

What I've clearly picked up on is that fact that she rarely wants whatever is on her tray.  Her tray that is usually chock full of things she used to like to eat.  It is no longer good enough.  Even if what you are eating is exactly what she has in front of her - she wants yours.  Not hers.

As I was lamenting this in my mind this evening, it hit me.

I'm Violet.  I'm always wanting more more more.  I want whatever it is I don't have.  I can't seem to see what's in front of me.

Now - this isn't always the case.  Often, the Lord allows me to be filled with gratitude and contentment.  I really do understand exactly how much I have, and my cup is overflowing.  As I take stock of both good and hard in my life, I can see that God has been more than gracious to me.

But on the hard days and in the hard moments, it's so easy to loose track of that.  To find myself focusing on those things that I don't seem to be able to have.  More downtime.  More quiet.  More order.  More affirmation.  I think I "need" these things in order to be able to respond well to my family.  God has gently reminded me that I really only need more of him.  More of his strength.  More of his power.

I guess I need to learn this over and over and over again.  Quieting the sound of "more more more" that comes from my heart is certainly not something I can do on my own.  I'm thankful for the Holy Spirit, and I pray that he continues to give me eyes to see and ears to hear things that I need.

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