DATE NIGHT GONE WRONG

Life comes at us fast.  I feel like I have a million things that I want to write about right now and too little time to write, but I am choosing to just go in order.  John and I have talked about this post, and I got his permission to share about our evening.  So - let me tell you about one of our worst date nights ever.  It doesn't take the cake, as John reminded me even during it.  But, it was pretty bad, especially since he was comparing it to our worst date ever, which was before we were officially dating when he was having serious questions about whether he wanted to be in a long term relationship with me.  It played out a bit dramatically that night, though we did start officially dating a few days later.  But that's a whole nother story that I don't have time to write.  Moving on.

This weekend had us running to and fro, as fall weekends are apt to do - but - we had a date night planned (loosely planned, since we concocted it sometime on Saturday. . . these are the perks of having a live-in sitter who has some flexibility) for Sunday night.  I was really looking forward to it, because we had had enough things going on, and the fact of the matter is that having four kiddos can be a bit wearing, so any time away with just John feels like a sweet treat.

Sunday evening arrived with a little bit of drama.  The reality is that Bella had been dramatic "all the day," as she would put it.  She was continuing her total lack of wanting to do what I asked and her propensity towards wailing and flailing.  Lily was "picking up" the playroom where she "naps," but it was going very slowly.  As John and I were about to head out the door, ready to go, John decides to head downstairs to help motivate Lily to finish picking up, so that we would not leave a mess for Aunt Rachel.

Things went downhill from there.  What he found is the deep down mess that I have been glossing over for weeks and months.  Lily has gotten into some bad habits down there, which have led to her putting stuff in random places all over the room.  Cleaning it up has sort of meant piling it into slightly neater heaps that are not on the floor.

Now, you must understand that John detests messes.  I don't like them either, but since there are limited time and energy resources, I have let this continue unchecked, to the overall detriment of the playroom's functionality.  However, I was ready to walk out the door.  I was hungry.  I was tired.  I was not hoping to sort through all of our playroom toys and find the best spots for them.

John got a little tunnel visioned, and we spent the next hour picking through randomness, throwing things away and organizing toys.

Ya'll.  By the end of it, I was close to tears.  I was angry with John, I was irritated with Lily and I really didn't want to mess with any of it.  I was done.

So, then we left for our date.  Perfect start to the evening.  The tension was pretty thick once we got into the car.  He asked, "What do we need to do to be able to move forward and enjoy some of our evening?"  I wasn't sure.

And then, it all started coming out.  We had been ready to go.  Having four kids is hard work.  I feel like a failure when you come behind me to clean up the messes our kids make, because I want for things to be clean, but I clearly haven't prioritized it.  I can't do everything I want to do.  I can't do everything I should do.  I feel overwhelmed.  I am hungry.

By the time we got to the restaurant parking lot, I was sobbing.  Which actually felt pretty good, and I think it was just what I needed.  John graciously apologized for the poor timing of the playroom pickup.  I kept crying.  I cried for quite a while in the Mellow Mushroom parking lot.  I did manage to pull it together, because, as I mentioned before, I was hungry.  It was 7:20 by this time, and I do not function well with low blood sugar.

The hostess looked a little askance at me as if to say, "That poor bedraggled girl.  She looks like she's been crying in the parking lot.  I should seat her in a low light section."  We got food.  We started laughing about it all.  We had serious talks about priorities and what I can and cannot do in life right now.  We enjoyed being together.  My pizza was really good.  We headed to Target (cause we are super cool), and I got a new purse that has never been filled with Diet Dr. Pepper or had CFA sauce bust open in it.  It turned out all right.



It all got me thinking.  Our playroom really was rather disastrous underneath it all.  We had given our girls the good gifts of a place to play and toys, and they had made a serious mess of things.  They were not taking care of the gifts or using them in the ways we intended.  Since I had an angry hour to think while sorting through stuff, and I didn't trust myself to say nice things if I spoke, I did realize in the midst of all of it that this is exactly what we have done to the things God gives us.

He gives us good gifts all the time, and things are intended to be used a certain way, but we are always and forever distorting those things.  He gave us drugs to help heal our bodies - we made meth.  He gave us sex to connect us to our spouses - we made porn.  He gave us money and resources - we made them into idols of materialism.  We are constantly using things inappropriately and hoping for the best.  Hoping that we get an a-okay to just continue on in the mess.

And while I would never ever not ever even a little bit want to use another date night to pick up our playroom, I hope that I don't let things go as long in my heart and life without addressing them.  It's so easy for me to create idols that I don't even realize are there until something happens to reveal them.  I didn't realize the ways all the stresses that I have (some healthy, some not as much so) were affecting me.  I've made idols out of productivity and achievement, and I needed to have a breaking point to be able to talk through with John what things I need to re-evaluate and wait for the Lord's timing and direction on.

Our night that had a very rocky start and a great middle ended with John helping me to finish sorting out all the kids clothing.  Because he really does love me, and I desperately needed the moral support.  And I am pleased to report that all clothing has found its new seasonal home.  I am also pleased to report that our playroom is in much better shape than it has been, and I think my heart is close behind.