Friday, June 22, 2012

Assumptions and an Ultrasound

      If you read this post, you know that we had an ultrasound scheduled for Lily at Children's Hospital.    It was yesterday.  Here's sweet girl in the waiting room, Lambie along for comfort.  (If you read this post, then you know we have had our issues with doctors before, and I was understandably nervous.)


      While we were in the waiting room, there were many other families to watch.  In new situations, Lily often will hang back, and since she knew that something unusual was coming, she was quite content to sit next to me on our little couch, cuddling with Lambie and I.  Bella was at home with a sitter.  Being at Children's (I used to volunteer there, BK (Before Kids)), always makes me grateful for health, especially now in my own children.  We had a while to wait, so we sat and took things in.

      After a while, another family sat down across from us.  It was a mother with a boy around Lily's age and another infant boy, and she was accompanied by two other adults who seemed to be her parents.  The little boy was a curious fellow, and he was talking to other people in the waiting room and generally quite restless.  Pretty typical little boy, from what I have observed.

     I saw the mother watching Lily, and then she leaned over to her parents and commented on how sweet and easy little girls often are.  They are content to sit still and watch things.  (I clearly have a problem with eaves-dropping to have overheard all of this.)  Once she realized that I was close enough to hear, she made the comment to me about how little girls are content to wait patiently.  She was actually quite nice and meant no harm, but it hit me all over again, WE ALL MAKE ASSUMPTIONS.  All the time, about everyone, usually without even half of the story.

      She had no idea that the reason we were there is most likely that my daughter and I are in some kind of power struggle over potty training, but I am making absolutely sure that we are not dealing with something physical.  It's a desperate hope - not even a hope, because I don't want for something to be physically wrong.  I just want some answers and some help.  I watched as her normal boy told her that he needed to go potty, and into the bathroom they went, with no drama or pretense, and I made assumptions about them.

      I assumed that he was a normal, active little boy.  I had no idea why they were there, but things looked fine.  She also had two other adults with her, helping her.  It must be so nice to have your parents living in town.  How easy for her - though she has those two children, she also has parents helping her every step of the way.

      How often do I do this to other mothers?  A lot, if I am honest.  I make snap judgments that are based on very limited facts.  I extrapolate the tiny bit of information that I have and make a life for them and imagine the decisions that they should make.  Ironically, I hate it when I feel that other mothers are doing this to me.  In fact, it is probably one of my pet peeves, which says more about my own issues and pride than the people I am running into.

      I am learning, slowly, but surely, that each child and situation is different.  Kids come pre-programmed (so do parents, for that matter), and there is absolutely no One Size Fits All way to parent.  Anyone who tells you so has never had their own children.  Parenting requires so much more guess-work and prayer-work than I even imagined it would, and there are still so many unknowns.  Parenting also teaches humility, if we are willing to learn it.  I have so much to learn.  I want to learn and live the humility that says, "You probably do know best what to do with your child, even if it is worlds apart from what I would choose.  You are living with them, day in and day out, and I know that you are most likely doing the best that you can."  I want to cheer on and encourage other mothers and never make them question their decisions, especially since most mothers that I know do not arrive at decisions half-heartedly or without thought.  I am learning.

      As for the ultrasound, Lily did great.  Better than I ever could have imagined.  My brave girl.


I actually just got the call that everything is normal, which is such a blessing.  And what I expected, which leads us towards the child psychologist at the end of next month.  Joy.  (though seriously, I am looking forward to the professional help.)

Afterwards, we went for a cupcake date at one of our favorite places in town.


This girl loves her some cupcake.



Allyn Ann said...

Thank you for sharing! I have already experienced other mothers trying to tell me what I should do and not do and I haven't even delivered. What a nice reminder that all children are different and we never know the whole story!

Go Near Ministry said...

Dear Carol,

Thanks for sharing these insights. So wise. I loved seeing the photos, too.

Much love,