Wednesday, July 02, 2014

THINGS I WANT MY KIDS TO KNOW: YOUR DAD IS NOT MY SOUL-MATE

I started this little summer series of "Things I Want My Kids to Know," a couple of weeks ago, and I'm here with another installment.  The first one was about Love - specifically God's love for them and our for them.  This post will also be about love.  It occurs to me that when all things important in life are boiled down, love is what remains.  It drives what we do and who we are, and as such an important ingredient, it bears even more fleshing out.

So - dear children - I want you to know that your dad is not my soul-mate.

What?  You might ask.  How unromantic!  You may decry.

Be that as it may - it's true.  I am committed to your father and he to me, because we have chosen to love one another.  I've written our love story here on the blog before, and even as I reread it, I am reminded of its lack of "pizzazz."  We did not have a fairytale or a lightning bolt or a butterfly laced feeling that directed our steps.

We have real love.  And God's grace.

When it comes down to it, I am forced to admit that I do not believe in soul-mates.  I think that in reality, there are many different people in the world with whom I would be compatible and could conceivably share a life with.  While far less romantic, this pragmatism serves us well.  I am never left wondering if I missed the "perfect someone in the universe" or wondering whether life would be infinitely better with "someone who understood my every thought before I spoke it."  Nope.  It would still be life, with a flawed human.

Here's the deal, dear kiddos, none of us are perfect.  In fact, one of the things that marks each human life is the inherent messiness we bring along with us.  We are a mixture of all of life's experiences, our family of origin, and our own thoughts - so there is good and bad.

So, as you keep your eyes out for that special someone to spend your life with - just know that they will not be perfect.  And loving them will not be easy.  There will be beautiful moments where it seems that fireworks are bursting above as the sky showers twinkle dust on you, but there will be hard moments as well.

Let me give you an example of what this may feel like.  Right now, our dear Violet drools more than any child I have ever encountered.  She wear a dribble bandana that she usually soaks through by lunch time.  The floor has puddles where she has been sitting, and it often appears that there are slug tracks of slime where she has drooled and then crawled through it.  It's just part of who she is right now.  So, anytime you hold and cuddle Violet, you just know that you will get wet.  It's part of loving Violet.

Loving your spouse is the same way.  There are things that are just no fun that come with each of us.  Some seasons will be harder than others, but in the end, your spouses weaknesses and struggles will become part of your own.  You will get wet, because you love them and that's just part of it.

Their strengths and joys will also become yours, and if you allow and look for it, you will be amazed to see the ways that you grow together.  The ways that you become better versions of yourselves than you would ever be apart.

To sum it all up - don't go looking for a "soul-mate."  Go looking for someone that you want to do life with and are committed to loving - no matter what.  Ask God to give you both grace and wisdom as you move through life.  And know that while your dad is not my soul-mate - he is my favorite person in the whole world, and I am so thankful to call him mine.

Untitled

6 comments:

Carmen Smith said...

I love this blog entry http://theartinlife.wordpress.com/2013/07/22/my-husband-is-not-my-soul-mate/ on this very same topic!!!

Carol Spenst said...

Thanks, Carmen! I love that post you included - I obviously agree completely!

jordan_denae said...

Thank you Carol!! Being a single girl I truly love this post!! :)

Kristin Murdock said...

Amen Amen! We choose our spouse! Choose wisely, lovely kiddos! xoxo

Carol Spenst said...

So glad you enjoyed it!

Carol Spenst said...

Yes and Amen. You and I both chose very well, if I do say so.