Friday, March 07, 2014


As life marches on, as life is so apt to do, I am struck by a number of things.  There are so many hard choices and roads in front of us.  Roads I don't even know about yet and some that I might have a clue about.  It's fun to imagine the exciting and thrilling things in store, and I know there are many of those things that God has planned, because he is a good God who loves to give good gifts to his children.  But, there are so many challenges we have yet to face.  It can be daunting, really, if I stop to think about it or allow myself to become fearful - a place where God never wants us to go.

Recently, my friends and I were talking about how we have to choose to let God write our stories and our kids' stories.  My fleshly bent is towards control and thinking that I know best.  This colors so much of my life in a sick way that only with God's grace can I see through it.

And it all comes down to this question:  Do I trust God?  I mean - do I really believe that he is good? That he knows what is best?  That he loves me and my kiddos and John more than I can dream or fathom?

If I answer yes, and in my heart of hearts, I really do answer yes, that means that I have to let him write the story.  The truth is - God is going to be writing the story no matter what.  That's what he does as God.  I do not understand all of the intricacies, and quite frankly, if I could understand it all and wrap it in a neat little bow, then he wouldn't be a God worth serving.  If I could unravel his mysteries on this side of heaven, then it would make him less God.  And, he is the almighty great God that I am so thankful to serve.

That being said, fear creeps in, unbidden.  I see tendencies in my children start to surface, and I wonder, "How will that impact their life?  What can I do now to better equip them to handle that part of their personality?"  These questions are not bad in and of themselves.  I do believe it is my job as a parent to give my children healthy tools to use throughout their life.  But, I can already see that praying for my children will be one of the most important things I can do.  So many things will come their way, and ultimately, they need the Lord, just like I do.

It's also easy to want to control the circumstances surrounding their little lives.  Starting kindergarten next year will bring new influences - both good and bad.  I believe that God is leading us to public school for now, and I am excited to see all the good that will be for our family.  But - it's a whole new world.  I will not know all of the children that Lily will be surrounded by - or the adults for that matter.  I cannot control what she will hear and be exposed to.

But Lily has a story, and God is writing it.  Just like in my own story, he will use the good and the bad to shape her into who she needs to be.  I have to be able to let go, all along the way.  I have to remind myself - I trust God.  God is good.  God knows best, and God works for the good.


This picture was taken when the girls made it back home safely to Little Rock from Orlando, having flown there with our dear friend, Becci.  I trust Becci implicitly, but it was hard to send them off and hope for the best.  I wanted to be able to micro-manage the details of their journey.  I didn't want anything to go wrong.  It reminded me that I cannot control their circumstances.  Things will happen. As if to underscore this, Becci's phone got broken right before they left.  I sort of felt God say, "Let them go.  It will be fine."

And it was fine.  That's not to say that it always will be.  We live in a fallen world with sickness of the body and mind, but in the end - God wins.  I've got to cling to that and know that his story is always the best one.  I'm glad he has told us the ending - there will be no more tears or pain, the captives will be freed and death will be conquered.  Praise be to our great God.  The God that I can trust.


Natalie Clark said...

Having to really trust God with kindergarten. Seems so unsettling to my heart to send Lola to school 5 days a week and trust someone else with her, allow many more influences, good and bad, in her life- eekkk. I know she is a social but strong girl and she'll be so happy at school, but this momma will be talking to God a lot more come September…